Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Oct
20
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
In_Melancholia’s Syndrome
Cause: genetically-modified tea
Symptoms: extreme urinary pain, sniffing, occasional feverishness, leg pain
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
In_The_Eyes_Ofitis
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: extreme moodiness, smiling, excessive aphasia
Cure: take four paracetamol every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Inamineitis
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: high blood-alcohol level, dancing, long hair
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Inconsistencies’ Syndrome
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: vomiting blood, chapped lips, sleepwalking, blinking
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Incorrigible_’s Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: occasional warts, occasional extra legs, extreme tree-climbing, howling at the moon
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IndefiniteTheca’s Syndrome
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: halo, high blood pressure, water retention
Cure: eat more burgers
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IndieWriter’s Disease
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: wheezing, howling at the moon, impaired vision, bushy eyebrows
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Indolent138itis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: sleepwalking, chest hair growth, excessive back pain, occasional liver pain
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Infinite_Chaos’ Lurgy
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: 80s haircut, sleepwalking, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma, dancing
Cure: take a hundred paracetamol every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Infusing’s Lurgy
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: sudden photophobia, extremely crossed eyes, shivering, hovering
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ing.biertjuh’s Disorder
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: listlessness, colour blindness, hand swelling
Cure: take a hundred ibuprofen before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IngenueMuse’s Disease
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: receding gums, steam whistling from ears, cranial bloating
Cure: take a hundred leeches a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ingrid_Mosis
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: blood in urine, extreme breast pain, liver pain, itching
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Inivekitis
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: acne, slightly squeaky voice, hypothermia, frequent slow heartbeat
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Injustifiiable’s Syndrome
Cause: viral
Symptoms: frequent rotten teeth, temperature sensitivity, shouting, excessive night terrors
Cure: drink a few pints of beer every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
InNOut’s Syndrome
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, screaming, squinting
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Inoshiro’s Syndrome
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: occasional flaccidity, knee pain, delusions
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Insane_Smileosis
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: sniffing, excess of money, revolving neck, sparks
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Insanity89osis
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: mild polka-dot stools, peeling skin, phantom pregnancy
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Inside_Scarletitis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: sleepwalking, coughing, French accent
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
InstaVideo’s Syndrome
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: mild polka-dot blood, pointy ears, cannibalism, ectoplasm
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Integra298’s Disorder
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: vague hypothermia, nosebleeds, excessive double-jointedness, grunting
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Interdictor’s Syndrome
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: excessive heartburn, French accent, anger, cranial bloating
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
InterimLoveritis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: howling at the moon, ankle swelling, ankle swelling
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Internet_Lawyer’s Disease
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: hissing, skin lesions, abdominal swelling
Cure: take four pinches of snuff a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Intervocalic’s Disease
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: foot swelling, hand swelling, hovering
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Intravenousitis
Cause: lack of mushrooms in diet
Symptoms: sudden dehydration, belching, being able to fire webs from wrists, tooth loss
Cure: take seven sprigs of belladonna every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Invader_Haywire’s Syndrome
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: excessive terror, bulging eyes, slightly chapped lips, fatigue
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
InvaderKitty’s Disorder
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: headaches, low blood pressure, sudden water retention
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Inviere’s Syndrome
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: knee swelling, turning into a giant monster, breast pain, being unable to close mouth
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
InXAll_Honesty’s Lurgy
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: cannibalism, receding gums, thirst for human blood, invisibility
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
InXSomniaX’s Lurgy
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: mild metallic spots, extreme suicidal thoughts, extremely high blood-alcohol level
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IOErrorosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: muscle atrophy, mild appetite changes, muscle atrophy, coughing up blood
Cure: take a hundred leeches every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Iono_TearFlail’s Syndrome
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: red eyes, mild night terrors, slightly dry skin, headaches
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IPromiseUIWillosis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: extreme facial hair, mild hair growth, laughing
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IRefuse_To_Sink’s Disorder
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: gargling, puncture wounds, walking like a zombie, mild mauve vomit
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IrishMasms’ Syndrome
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: breathing difficulties, impaired vision, hair tangling
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IrishPatrick’s Disease
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: cannibalism, being unable to close mouth, extreme toe numbness, frequent loose teeth
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IrishRose1’s Syndrome
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: vegetarianism, occasional fear of drowning, blinking, frequent euphoria
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IrishVampire13itis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: slight inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, vague hunger, arm pain, slow heartbeat
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IronicMan’s Syndrome
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: bruising, wheezing, extremely glow-in-the-dark urine, floating hair
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ironwroughtosis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: high blood-alcohol level, hives, sweating
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ishovitis
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: facial hair, occasional gullibility, feather growth, delusions
Cure: smoke two cigarettes a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IssOkay’s Disease
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: squinting, glowing, hydrophobia
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IStalkSnapeosis
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: extreme puncture wounds, slight inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, squinting, foot swelling
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Itachi’s Lurgy
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: excessive coordination problems, hunger, extreme lumps, peeling skin
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ItalianBeenHeritis
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: drooling, slightly cloudy urine, finger pain, sweating
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ItalianGM’s Disease
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: cranial bloating, grimacing, wrist swelling
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ItMakesMesSick’s Disease
Cause: stress
Symptoms: crying, mild cockney accent, vague invisibility
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ItsCalledStolenitis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: neck shortening, excessive urine colour changes, extreme demoniacal visions
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ItzAFurrball’s Syndrome
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: extreme ectoplasm, whistling, pale skin, pustules
Cure: take two shots of morphine with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IvyLeagueitis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: dry skin, deafness, sudden restlessness, bone pain
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IWorshipSatin’s Syndrome
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: bushy eyebrows, excessive elbow pain, skin whitening, occasional tufts of hair
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IWroteTheInfo’s Syndrome
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: nosebleeds, frequent aphasia, laughing, hallucinations
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IWroteTheRules’ Lurgy
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: tufts of hair, skin whitening, howling at the moon, purple urine
Cure: eat more wax fruit
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Izzyosis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, purple blotches, liver pain
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
20

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IAm_GoodBoyitis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: mildly enlarged liver, occasional fangs, speaking in tongues
Cure: take two sprigs of belladonna every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
I_Am_Not_A_Word’s Disorder
Cause: lack of spam in diet
Symptoms: spitting, mild sarcasm, fingernail biting
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
I_Fk_Elves’ Disorder
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: extreme insomnia, excessive electric shocks, fear of the number thirteen
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
I_Like_Sharksitis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: listlessness, lust, glowing in the dark
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
I_Seldom_Do’s Lurgy
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: frequent fear, heartburn, extra ribs, extremely high temperature
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
I_Worship_Festeosis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: toe pain, mildly inability to turn neck, vague hallucinations
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IAmAFieldMouse’s Disorder
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: puncture wounds, extreme tiredness, water retention
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IAmN0tPermanent’s Lurgy
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: ringing in the ears, gurgling, extreme Guy Fawking of the leg, turning into a giant monster
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IAmNotGemmaitis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: slightly enlarged liver and spleen, warts, cranial bloating, speaking in tongues
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IAmPunha’s Disease
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: shoulder pain, Hitler mustache, red eyes, rapid heartbeat
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IBradosis
Cause: lack of junk food
Symptoms: metallic skin, blood powdering, neck shortening
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ICanBeBrutalitis
Cause: lack of bread
Symptoms: ectoplasm, extremely crossed eyes, high blood-alcohol level
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ice489osis
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: depression, sudden dislike of modern architecture, sudden appetite changes, ectoplasm
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IceLore’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to water
Symptoms: insomnia, gills, joint pain, invisibility
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IceWolfitis
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: punning, sparks, aphasia
Cure: smoke two cigarettes and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Icka’s Disorder
Cause: overconsumption of bread
Symptoms: frequent paranoia, bulging eyes, photophobia, glowing aura
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Iconoclastitis
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: premature greying, wing growth, laughing, eyelid swelling
Cure: drink four pints of beer before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Iconoplast’s Disorder
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: vomiting blood, wheezing, whitening of teeth
Cure: eat more broccoli
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IcyPops’ Syndrome
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: pustules, sudden nausea, occasional extra legs
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Idiots_Abound’s Disease
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: fingernail lengthening, vomiting blood, photophobia, occasional feverishness
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IfAndOnlyIfitis
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: smell of brimstone, sudden hair growth, brain shrinkage
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IHarthDarthosis
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: nausea, mild acidic blood, gullibility
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IHave_TheMoonosis
Cause: lack of sausages
Symptoms: foot numbness, peeling skin, dislike of modern architecture
Cure: eat more human flesh
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IHeartRetards’ Disorder
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: gastrointestinal bleeding, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma, flushing
Cure: smoke three cigarettes every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IlJasonO’s Syndrome
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: hearing voices, excessive breast pain, belching
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
IllogicalDream’s Disease
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: smiling, restlessness, extreme chest pain, vague hydrophobia
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ILoveGahaganosis
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: dry rot, impotence, clicking sounds, slightly pointy ears
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ILoveScabsosis
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: bendy arms, slow heartbeat, sudden dehydration, vague diarrhea
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ilworosis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: brain swelling, vague déjà vu, restlessness
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Im_A_Liar’s Disease
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: excessive sore throat, overeating, smell of brimstone
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Im_Just_A_Girlosis
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: fingernail biting, brittle bones, talking like a pirate
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Im_Pretty_Dull’s Disease
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: bowel infrequency, lack of reflection in mirrors, sudden brain shrinkage
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImACoatRack’s Syndrome
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: wrist swelling, foaming at the mouth, sudden pimples, frequent bowel movements
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImJinnie’s Syndrome
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: bad poetry, indigestion, occasional phantom pregnancy
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImJusMe’s Syndrome
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: appetite changes, ankle swelling, vague hunger, mauve spots
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Imma_RockStar’s Lurgy
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, acidic blood, extreme liver pain, turning to stone
Cure: take one and a half spoons of cough medicine before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImmenseDragon’s Syndrome
Cause: viral
Symptoms: vague shrunken head, buzzing noises, snoring
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Immortal102100’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to cola
Symptoms: fear of drowning, chest pain, invisibility, green skin
Cure: eat more water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImmortalKol’s Lurgy
Cause: genetically-modified bread
Symptoms: slightly hairy legs, wrist swelling, snoring
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Imomus’ Disease
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: spontaneous combustion, temperature sensitivity, glowing in the dark, peeling skin
Cure: consume more caffeine
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Imperial_Icons’ Disorder
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: occasional photophobia, flaccidity, sweating, bladder pain
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Imperialistic’s Disease
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: dizziness, occasional invisibility, knee pain
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImTheOtherMe’s Lurgy
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: constipation, bruising, scaly skin, neck shortening
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ImThJckaz’s Disorder
Cause: overconsumption of cola
Symptoms: double-jointedness, sudden deafness, hair tangling, occasional constipation
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
20

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ho’s Disease
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: anxiety, hallucinations, electric shocks
Cure: eat more celery
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HobbitMerry’s Lurgy
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: enlarged liver, headaches, sore throat
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hobo_Dick’s Syndrome
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: extreme hives, darkening of urine, tufts of hair, arm pain
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HockeyFag’s Disease
Cause: viral
Symptoms: wing growth, frequent toe pain, impaired vision, wrist swelling
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HoldMe_Holdenosis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: vague metallic spots, drooling, sparks, photophobia
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Holiday_Thanks’ Lurgy
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: glimpses of underlying reality, mild high temperature, turning into a giant monster, excessive facial hair
Cure: take a dozen spoons of cough medicine and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Holiday_Wishes’ Lurgy
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: crossed eyes, ringing in the ears, extreme nausea, face swelling
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HollaXAtHollyitis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: stiffness, tongue forking, extra ribs
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Holly_A_Go_Go’s Lurgy
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: vomiting blood, excessive leg numbness, darkening of urine, revolving neck
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HollywoodPhilosis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: mild mania, peeling skin, blood powdering, howling at the moon
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Holtz’s Lurgy
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: slightly orange blotches, extra legs, excessive fear of drowning
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Homebrewitis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: hives, fingernail lengthening, dancing
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HomeRowed’s Syndrome
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: polka-dot irises, extreme death, invisibility
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Homosaur’s Disorder
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: tooth lengthening, excessive levitation, slow heartbeat, blinking
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HonestlyTrue’s Disease
Cause: genetically-modified fish
Symptoms: going bump in the night, neck shortening, swollen lymph nodes
Cure: take one and a half ibuprofen every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hooded_Nubbinsosis
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: extra legs, urine retention, pimples, extreme jaw dislocation
Cure: eat more fish
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hop_Hop’s Lurgy
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: vague brittle bones, excessive arm numbness, chapped lips, hovering
Cure: drink two glasses of water every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HopefulWoReason’s Disease
Cause: viral
Symptoms: sarcasm, feather growth, whistling
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HopesFall’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: seizures, déjà vu, beeping
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HopeShallFade’s Lurgy
Cause: improperly prepared broccoli
Symptoms: shivering, laughing, hissing, crossed eyes
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HorseFlesh’s Disorder
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: occasional flaccidity, hunger, extreme inability to pronounce letter ‘c’
Cure: take four spoons of cough medicine every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hoshi3itis
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, sudden extra legs, snoring, fear
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hostis_Letitis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: chest pain, squinting, humming
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hotaruosis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: bursts of flame, fear, leaning at 45 degrees
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HotCrab’s Disease
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: frequent blood in urine, groin swelling, pacing
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HotPinkStar87’s Disorder
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: hallucinations, nosebleeds, mildly purple vomit
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hott4Pierreitis
Cause: lack of beer
Symptoms: glowing, loss of libido, sudden moodiness
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HotXPinkXFairy’s Disease
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extreme arm numbness, sudden anxiety, aggression, fear
Cure: take three aspirin every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HourglassCreate’s Disease
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: extreme facial hair, insomnia, mild fangs, extremely scaly skin
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HouseFiresitis
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: drooping eyelids, mild hives, sudden bone pain, sweating
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HouteXGurl2000’s Syndrome
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: premature greying, wrist swelling, diarrhea
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hovsep’s Disorder
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: rashes, frequent suicidal thoughts, bleeding gums
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HoWhite’s Disease
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: skin whitening, tunnel vision, sudden absenteeism
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HPotterFanosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: gastrointestinal bleeding, mildly impaired hearing, skin whitening, occasional blood in urine
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Huddy’s Disorder
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: cranial bloating, sudden dizziness, extremely enlarged liver and spleen, darkening of urine
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hugs’ Lurgy
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: pacing, winking, mild brain shrinkage, occasional black eyes
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Humdeedledumitis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: tentacle growth, crossed eyes, occasional froglike eyes, gastrointestinal bleeding
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hunter_Fett’s Syndrome
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: winking, nice dreams, levitation, tongue swelling
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HuntressOfBlood’s Disease
Cause: lack of squirty cream
Symptoms: squawking, tongue retraction, foot numbness
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hurrah’s Disease
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: loss of libido, stigmata, grey skin, frequent death
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hutta’s Disease
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: headaches, rapid heartbeat, howling at the moon
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Huzzbanditis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: guilt, itching, bushy eyebrows
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HyperKarma’s Disease
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: gurgling, occasional dementia, fear
Cure: take three aspirin with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hypnology’s Syndrome
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: extremely red ears, excessive anger, shouting, going bump in the night
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
20

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
H_Patricia’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of air
Symptoms: sudden tiredness, froglike eyes, occasional hair growth, hand swelling
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Haardvark’s Lurgy
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: screaming, occasional thirst for human blood, blurred vision, gargling
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Haeleth’s Disorder
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: hairy legs, mild nice dreams, hissing
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HailToTheQueen’s Syndrome
Cause: lack of spam in diet
Symptoms: depression, gastrointestinal bleeding, steam whistling from ears, sore throat
Cure: take one and a half pinches of snuff a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HaircuttingFun’s Lurgy
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: loss of libido, vomiting blood, screaming
Cure: take a dozen pinches of snuff and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Halafax’s Disease
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: groin swelling, urinary pain, panic attacks
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HaleyXCoreosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: gastrointestinal bleeding, mildly impaired hearing, skin whitening, occasional blood in urine
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HalfAnimalGame’s Syndrome
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: crying, excess of money, turning into a giant monster
Cure: take two sprigs of belladonna every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HalfSlytherin’s Syndrome
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: mildly bendy arms, mildly dry mouth, deafness, slightly blurred vision
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HalfwayTree’s Disease
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: shrunken head, skin whitening, urine colour changes, glowing in the dark
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Halighosis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: loss of weight, loose teeth, constipation
Cure: take two aspirin and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Halloweeen’s Disease
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: face blurring when photographed, revolving neck, ability to fly
Cure: take three purple crystals with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Haloed13osis
Cause: lack of alcohol
Symptoms: frequent Hitler mustache, skin whitening, loss of libido
Cure: eat more sausages
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HamaDryaditis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: vague hydrophobia, speaking in tongues, nose extension, receding gums
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HandOfMe’s Disease
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: regurgitation, occasional blisters, vague acidic blood, clicking sounds
Cure: take two shots of morphine with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Handyosis
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: fatigue, shouting, demoniacal visions, extreme American accent
Cure: take four Viagra tablets a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hanselle’s Disease
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: gurgling, sweating, tongue swelling, flatulence
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Happy_BDay_Ari’s Disease
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: urinary pain, talking like a pirate, vestigial extra head, tiredness
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Happy_Raisin’s Disorder
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: pustules, walking like an Egyptian, metallic skin, dilation of pupils
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HardArtist’s Disease
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: listlessness, mild glow-in-the-dark vomit, turning into a giant monster
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HardToGetOverosis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: shouting, brain swelling, tongue retraction
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HardViceosis
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: chills, blood in urine, fear of the number thirteen, memory loss
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hardy’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: talking like a pirate, toe pain, whistling
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HardyGrrlX’s Disease
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: vague facial paralysis, frequent extra toes, muscle spasms
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Harlicat’s Lurgy
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, dry rot, frequent vegetarianism, double-jointedness
Cure: drink three pints of beer a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HarmonyBear’s Disorder
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, neck shortening, cloudy urine
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Harpie84itis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: frequent nosebleeds, vomiting, extreme back pain, bruising
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HarryRoberts’ Lurgy
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: nose extension, hair tangling, loss of libido
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Harvest_Falling’s Disease
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: frequent extra ribs, slightly rosy cheeks, heartburn, excessive vestigial extra head
Cure: take two ibuprofen every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Harvey_RRIT’s Disorder
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: frequent lust, mildly impaired vision, sudden nose extension, beeping
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hasturitis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: warts, occasional vestigial extra head, long hair
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hatameiwaku’s Disorder
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: shivering, occasional demoniacal visions, occasional earache, excessive tunnel vision
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hawaii_Bombayosis
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: frequent fatigue, dislike of modern architecture, finger pain
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HawthorneHts’ Lurgy
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: blood powdering, vague tree-climbing, hair tangling
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HaywiresHobbiesitis
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: extreme excess of money, excessive brain shrinkage, sore throat, slightly dry mouth
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hazel_Belle’s Syndrome
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: frequent 80s haircut, extremely squeaky voice, green saliva, sarcasm
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
HCBailly’s Lurgy
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: frequent blood in urine, bone pain, tongue forking
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
19
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoatQueen’s Lurgy
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: sudden Hitler mustache, neck swelling, occasional gullibility
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
God_Loves_Uglyy’s Disease
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: vague hunger, revolving neck, heartburn, seizures
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoddessMalena’s Disease
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: automatic writing, urinary pain, tooth lengthening
Cure: take four purple crystals with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoddessWashu’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: pacing, metallic skin, pyromania
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GodOfVanity’s Syndrome
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: neck shortening, blocked nose, slightly grey skin, extreme bursts of flame
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GodsStepsonitis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: bleeding gums, occasional regurgitation, going bump in the night
Cure: consume more alcohol
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoFinditis
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: hovering, jaw dislocation, coughing
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoFlo’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of noodles in diet
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, joint pain, mildly chapped lips, impaired hearing
Cure: drink four cups of tea with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoldMourn’s Disease
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: excessive tufts of hair, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma, occasional jaw dislocation
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Goo’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: drowsiness, sudden euphoria, red blood, hissing
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoodBoi’s Lurgy
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: grunting, extreme halo, extreme excess saliva, mild smell of brimstone
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gooti’s Lurgy
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: hissing, bushy eyebrows, face blurring when photographed, neck swelling
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gordon’s Lurgy
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: blurred vision, blocked nose, loss of dress sense
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Goremeister_666osis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: low blood pressure, impaired hearing, hand swelling, loss of weight
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GoThere’s Disorder
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: sudden hair loss, acne, cloudy urine, extreme paralysis
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gothic_Diaperitis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: foaming at the mouth, enhanced vision, bone pain, vague depression
Cure: take three placebo tablets every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GothicImage’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: vague tallness, urine colour changes, mild slow heartbeat
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GothMafiaosis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: wing growth, slightly hairy legs, pustules
Cure: take seven anti-depressants a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GothicRainbow’s Syndrome
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: mildly high temperature, extreme tree-climbing, excessive loss of dress sense
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gothtiqueitis
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: aggression, grunting, sudden vegetarianism
Cure: drink two cups of tea every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gozu’s Disorder
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: face swelling, bushy eyebrows, extreme hot flushes
Cure: drink four glasses of water with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Graaaze’s Disorder
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: excessive hydrophobia, bendy arms, extreme dry rot, forgetting what day it is
Cure: eat more noodles
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GrabbingSand’s Disease
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: imperceptibly blocked nose, glowing in the dark, euphoria
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grace_Insideosis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: fear of drowning, brain swelling, cranial bloating, anger
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Graffiti_Sucksosis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: extreme facial hair, mild hair growth, laughing
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grahameitis
Cause: allergy to burgers
Symptoms: frequent fear, slightly scaly skin, second-degree burns
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grammaireosis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: rosy cheeks, hairy legs, extremely temporary invisibility, chest pain
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GrandTursimoitis
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: leg numbness, low blood pressure, vague space alien bursting from stomach, bowel infrequency
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grantingitis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: nose extension, excessive bowel incontinence, sudden narcolepsy
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GrapeNutsRobot’s Lurgy
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: demoniacal visions, hand numbness, foot swelling, dry mouth
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Great_StoneFaceosis
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: sudden electric shocks, bone pain, impotence, pale skin
Cure: drink more coffee
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Green_Carnation’s Lurgy
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: sweating, foot swelling, shivering
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GreenTMistitis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: vestigial extra head, extremely blocked nose, being able to fire webs from wrists
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grendel40’s Lurgy
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: loose teeth, rosy cheeks, mild death, vague bad poetry
Cure: take a hundred Viagra tablets before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gres02’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: swearing, watery eyes, bruising
Cure: take four shots of morphine and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grey-Fox-13osis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: cloudy urine, collapsed lungs, French accent
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GreyParade’s Lurgy
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: tooth loss, sudden elbow pain, vague skin lesions
Cure: take four aspirin a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GreySanity’s Disease
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: dry eyes, finger pain, colour blindness
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GrndFlritis
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: excess mucus, swollen appendix, leaning at 45 degrees, elbow pain
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grolby’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: excessive loose teeth, mild suicidal thoughts, excessive space alien bursting from stomach
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GroovinMaHoovinosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: darkening of urine, premature greying, extreme flaccidity, bladder pain
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GRRMitis
Cause: bad noodles
Symptoms: slow heartbeat, chi imbalance, forgetting what day it is
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Grump_Pea’s Disease
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, gargling, depression
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GrumpiBear501itis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: lumps, breathing difficulties, low blood pressure
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GuestHouse’s Lurgy
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: glowing aura, stripey spots, muscle spasms
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Guided_By_Voices’ Disease
Cause: viral
Symptoms: redness of nose, elbow pain, glowing aura, mild hypochondria
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Guinastasia’s Syndrome
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: frequent 80s haircut, extremely squeaky voice, green saliva, sarcasm
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gulsukat’s Syndrome
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: extremely beige stools, extremely rosy cheeks, sudden rapid heartbeat, excess saliva
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GummyBearArmyosis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: double-jointedness, tongue swelling, blinking, smiling
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GunLord’s Lurgy
Cause: allergy to chocolate
Symptoms: orange irises, vague hallucinations, belching
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GuoJennifer’s Disease
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: anger, hair growth, buzzing noises, wing growth
Cure: take four shots of morphine with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gurlfriend’s Disorder
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: anxiety, bad poetry, revolving neck
Cure: drink three pints of beer and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GusMacRoyitis
Cause: allergy to bees
Symptoms: fear of the number thirteen, pale skin, flaccidity, restlessness
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gynocideitis
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: belching, muscle spasms, occasional second-degree burns, receding gums
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gypsy_Dreamsitis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: fingernail biting, excessive blisters, thirst for human blood, occasional skin lesions
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GypsyDove’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: liver pain, frequent tunnel vision, scaly skin
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gzdyd’s Disorder
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: dolphin noises, sudden aversion to bright light, frequent bowel movements
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
19

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
G’s Lurgy
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: neck swelling, occasional moodiness, walking like an Egyptian
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ga_Woo’s Disease
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: yellow saliva, orange spots, urine colour changes
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gabizoidal’s Syndrome
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: loose teeth, peeling skin, back pain
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Galaxied’s Syndrome
Cause: bad squirty cream
Symptoms: chapped lips, sudden blisters, vague facial hair
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Galiguy’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of bread
Symptoms: scaly skin, cranial bloating, excessive stiffness
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GAOnMyMind74osis
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: mildly collapsed lungs, mild stripey blotches, steam whistling from ears
Cure: take a dozen sprigs of belladonna every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gargoylosis
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: being unable to close mouth, enhanced vision, itching, face blurring when photographed
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Garould’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: slightly grey skin, watery eyes, blotchy skin
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gartog’s Lurgy
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: sudden knee pain, levitation, nose extension
Cure: take five anti-depressants and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GatoLoco’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to chewing gum
Symptoms: sudden rapid heartbeat, brittle bones, dry skin
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gavin’s Syndrome
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: extreme dislike of modern architecture, buzzing noises, glowing eyes, dislike of modern architecture
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GayMafiaKingpin’s Syndrome
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: smiling, squawking, inability to turn neck
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GBA’s Disorder
Cause: stress
Symptoms: finger pain, occasional acidic blood, slight beige spots
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Geek_Dragon’s Disease
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: buzzing noises, extreme excess saliva, warts, floating hair
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GeekAlphaosis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: mild confusion, jaw dislocation, pyromania
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GeminiMystique’s Disorder
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: overeating, flashing eyes, chills
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gene_Kelly’s Disorder
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: occasional knee pain, vague facial paralysis, invisibility, cannibalism
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Generic_Troll’s Disorder
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: mild abdominal pain, elbow pain, flushing
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Genkobar’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of celery in diet
Symptoms: chest pain, beeping, night terrors, extreme ability to fly
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gennoitis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: glimpses of underlying reality, photophobia, suicidal thoughts
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GeoAntAdaosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: toe pain, confusion, high blood pressure
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GeoBabe1itis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: thirst for human blood, glowing eyes, leg pain
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Geomancy’s Disorder
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: occasional froglike eyes, frequent redness of nose, imperceptibly swollen appendix, hand swelling
Cure: take four aspirin every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GeordieCat76’s Disorder
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: extreme cannibalism, headaches, frequent tooth loss
Cure: take one and a half leeches with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Georgeth’s Syndrome
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: drowsiness, indigestion, dilation of pupils
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gerbie’s Disorder
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: going bump in the night, delusions, extreme lust
Cure: take a hundred aspirin with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gerbie7’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: mild chest hair growth, reflective shots, forgetting what day it is, mild water retention
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GerilSageitis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: stiffness, coughing, glimpses of underlying reality
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GetItOnTheFloor’s Disease
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: facial paralysis, bruising, bad poetry, leaning at 45 degrees
Cure: eat more chewing gum
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gettin_It_Outitis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: headaches, flatulence, metallic skin
Cure: take four spoons of cough medicine before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GGobs’ Syndrome
Cause: viral
Symptoms: second-degree burns, hovering, crying, memory loss
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GhettoFinger’s Disorder
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: skin lesions, breathing difficulties, dementia, floating hair
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ghost_Lightosis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: fingernail lengthening, 80s haircut, overeating
Cure: take two purple crystals every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ghosty4’s Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: drooping eyelids, mild loss of weight, feather growth
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GHZ’s Syndrome
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: cannibalism, extreme incontinence, vague flaccidity
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GI_JaneArng’s Disease
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: bursts of flame, acidic blood, anxiety, arm pain
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Giggerota’s Disorder
Cause: stress
Symptoms: cannibalism, extreme panic attacks, blisters
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Giggles_19’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: excessive seizures, extreme horn growth on forehead, tiredness
Cure: take three spoons of cod liver oil before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gillen’s Disorder
Cause: lack of cheese
Symptoms: knee swelling, turning into a giant monster, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gingy’s Disease
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: vague bowel infrequency, occasional pimples, blurred vision, collapsed lungs
Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GinnyJF’s Lurgy
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: extreme inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, mild hallucinations, vomiting, brittle bones
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer1osis
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: gills, second-degree burns, occasional appetite changes, walking like an Egyptian
Cure: smoke a hundred cigarettes a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer2osis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: cannibalism, bleeding gums, slightly black hair, food cravings
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer3itis
Cause: bad broccoli
Symptoms: levitation, hyperactivity, slightly temporary invisibility
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer4’s Disorder
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: elbow pain, tiredness, stiffness
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer5’s Disorder
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: vague rapid heartbeat, loss of dress sense, sudden elbow pain, bleeding gums
Cure: drink three pints of beer every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer6’s Syndrome
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: vague pustules, puce blotches, murderous rage, mild halo
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Gioncer7’s Disease
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: turning into a wolf, mildly bushy eyebrows, acne
Cure: take three purple crystals every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Girl_Jumps_Down’s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: tooth loss, frequent deafness, chills
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GirlAtomic’s Syndrome
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: high blood pressure, sneezing, extremely blotchy skin
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GirlPirate’s Disease
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: gargling, gastrointestinal bleeding, mildly swollen appendix, brittle bones
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GirlVinyl’s Syndrome
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: hand swelling, beeping, blinking, stiffness
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GirlWithTheHatitis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: sudden aversion to bright light, excessive urine retention, excessive 80s haircut, vague electric shocks
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GirlyUnderwearitis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: wing growth, slightly scaly skin, drowsiness, leg numbness
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GirrrlPleaseDieitis
Cause: lack of poison ivy in diet
Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, excessive chi imbalance, mild loss of dress sense, mild cloudy urine
Cure: eat more bread
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GiveMeSodaPop’s Syndrome
Cause: stress
Symptoms: slightly low blood pressure, murderous rage, mild Hitler mustache
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GlamourCorpseitis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: coughing up blood, face swelling, excess saliva, acne
Cure: eat more bread
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Glenn5’s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: slightly glow-in-the-dark irises, slow heartbeat, slightly bushy eyebrows
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GlimmerGalitis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: sudden rapid heartbeat, tufts of hair, loss of dress sense
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GlitterRivet’s Syndrome
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: darkening of urine, mild fear, sudden absenteeism
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Glomobiusitis
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: skin lesions, excessive nosebleeds, seeing dead people
Cure: take two purple crystals every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GloriFallenosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: glowing aura, mild fear of drowning, occasional delusions
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Glory_2_God’s Disease
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: blindness, turning to stone, occasional mania, pyromania
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Glowing_Dragonosis
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: sniffing, glowing in the dark, vomiting
Cure: eat more salt
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GlytterPixieBat’s Syndrome
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: dry rot, frequent aphasia, paranoia, sore throat
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GMHedges’ Lurgy
Cause: lack of tea
Symptoms: déjà vu, slightly dry rot, suicidal thoughts, loose teeth
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
19
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fo0baritis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: puncture wounds, peeling skin, urine colour changes, frequent sore throat
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Foboat’s Syndrome
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: extremely crossed eyes, extremely blotchy skin, gastrointestinal bleeding
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Foggy_Dreamsosis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: frequent fatigue, chills, brain swelling
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fonem’s Disorder
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: swearing, green blood, occasional long hair, nice dreams
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fong’s Lurgy
Cause: stress
Symptoms: smell of brimstone, gurgling, 80s haircut
Cure: take four ibuprofen a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FoodieMagazine’s Syndrome
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: swearing, occasional lumps, premature greying
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ForestHouse’s Lurgy
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: extreme tallness, extremely impaired hearing, sudden restlessness
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Forever_Corky’s Disease
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: mild hallucinations, going bump in the night, swearing, neck swelling
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ForeverGuardian’s Disorder
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: puce urine, excessive bone pain, mildly scaly skin, mildly collapsed lungs
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ForeverInTheEnd’s Disorder
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: sudden second-degree burns, bone pain, confusion, memory loss
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ForeverSummeritis
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: warts, tufts of hair, fingernail lengthening
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Forever_Unsaiditis
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: bushy eyebrows, extremely high temperature, occasional nightmares, vague shrunken head
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Forgotten_Dreamosis
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: extreme beige spots, breathing difficulties, ankle swelling, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ForYourSake08osis
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: ringing in the ears, glowing aura, 80s haircut
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FourEyedGirl’s Syndrome
Cause: genetically-modified burgers
Symptoms: glowing, French accent, humming
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Foxx’s Disorder
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: vague leg pain, hairy legs, tooth lengthening, ringing in the ears
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fr3ak0fNatur3’s Lurgy
Cause: stress
Symptoms: blue saliva, extremely temporary invisibility, spitting
Cure: take three ibuprofen and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fractured_Minditis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: hair loss, sudden urine retention, frequent demoniacal visions
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FraggleRock_’s Disease
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: crossed eyes, leg pain, occasional smell of brimstone
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Frank’s Disorder
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: mildly blotchy skin, turning into a giant monster, hair loss, constipation
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fraserette’s Disease
Cause: lack of chocolate in diet
Symptoms: mild rotten teeth, eyelid swelling, excessive facial hair
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Frayed’s Syndrome
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: mild sore throat, chest hair growth, blotchy skin
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Freakin_Weirdo’s Syndrome
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: spitting, abdominal swelling, shouting, extremely red eyes
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FreakyDeky1’s Disease
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: headaches, extreme urine colour changes, abdominal swelling
Cure: take three Viagra tablets before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fred2303’s Disease
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, nightmares, vague fear of drowning, laughing
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fredryk’s Lurgy
Cause: allergy to chocolate
Symptoms: orange irises, vague hallucinations, belching
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Freidenkeritis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: frequent pustules, elbow pain, wrist swelling
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FriedRaisin’s Disorder
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: cranial bloating, fingernail lengthening, red eyes, revolving neck
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FrienDittorosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: slightly crossed eyes, beige vomit, foot numbness, extremely scaly skin
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FringeBenefitsosis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: vomiting blood, mildly high temperature, vague lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FrischeFische’s Disease
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: excess saliva, seeing dead people, muscle atrophy
Cure: take two Prozac tablets every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Frogger414’s Lurgy
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: extremely dry mouth, excessive pyromania, hair loss, brittle bones
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Frotcake’s Disease
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: extremely high blood-alcohol level, blurred vision, tallness, bone pain
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fruvous’ Disease
Cause: bad squirty cream
Symptoms: vague urine retention, belching, hearing voices
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FSayre’s Disorder
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: mildly blue ears, mild feverishness, vegetarianism, lumps
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fuckable_Kisses’ Lurgy
Cause: viral
Symptoms: extreme appetite changes, memory loss, invisibility
Cure: take three shots of morphine every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuckONTD3’s Syndrome
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: vestigial extra head, slight inability to turn neck, snoring, extremely watery eyes
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuckSauce’s Lurgy
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: sudden terror, thirst for human blood, bulging eyes, extremely cloudy urine
Cure: take three sprigs of belladonna a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuckTart_’s Lurgy
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: crying, occasional pyromania, indigestion, frequent redness of nose
Cure: take two sprigs of belladonna every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuelHarp’s Syndrome
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: extreme anger, screaming, glowing aura, high temperature
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Funeralosis
Cause: improperly prepared beer
Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, absenteeism, revolving neck
Cure: take a few potions of extra healing before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Funkhouser’s Lurgy
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: extreme gullibility, howling at the moon, revolving neck
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Funshine3115’s Lurgy
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: squawking, mild black eyes, extreme narcolepsy, shrunken head
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuthyFuthitis
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: dry skin, shouting, necrosis
Cure: take a hundred spoons of cod liver oil every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuturePerf3ct’s Disorder
Cause: stress
Symptoms: guilt, tunnel vision, receding gums, glowing aura
Cure: drink two pints of beer and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FuzzyCub19’s Disorder
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: tongue swelling, indigestion, gastrointestinal bleeding, vague second-degree burns
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
19
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
F4t4ss’ Disease
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: sudden dislike of modern architecture, slightly enlarged liver and spleen, stigmata, vague black eyes
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fabala_Fae’s Disorder
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: halo, enhanced vision, elbow pain, mild lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Faded_Words’ Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: pale skin, wrist swelling, walking like an Egyptian, nose extension
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FaeryDust410’s Syndrome
Cause: overconsumption of chicken
Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, tooth lengthening, frequent bladder pain, seeing dead people
Cure: take three potions of extra healing a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Faggeth’s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: pacing, slightly grey skin, tooth lengthening
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FahrverGnugenosis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: tree-climbing, wing growth, sudden anxiety, tongue forking
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FairyChatMom’s Syndrome
Cause: genetically-modified mushrooms
Symptoms: seeing dead people, frequent bowel movements, premature greying, ankle swelling
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FairyCircleosis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: frequent chest hair growth, flaccidity, sudden death, glow-in-the-dark blotches
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FairyGirl345’s Disease
Cause: lack of sausages in diet
Symptoms: polka-dot stools, nausea, bruising, occasional paranoia
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Falcon’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: blood powdering, inability to turn neck, frequent invisibility, red stools
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallconsMateosis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: Hitler mustache, brain swelling, listlessness
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenAirmen’s Syndrome
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: whistling, sudden extra legs, headaches
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenAngel262’s Disease
Cause: viral
Symptoms: enlarged liver, dementia, crossed eyes
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenAngell77itis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: mania, dry skin, impotence, vague pimples
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenBack’s Disease
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: bruising, fingernail biting, whistling, hissing
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Falling_Apple’s Disease
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: coordination problems, drooling, swearing, walking like an Egyptian
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallingForeverosis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: mild lumps, extreme urinary pain, heartburn
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallingOutrightosis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: occasional feather growth, breathing difficulties, heartburn, sudden lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FalseMirrorsosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: clicking sounds, low blood pressure, dry skin
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FamilyJules’ Disease
Cause: lack of toothpaste
Symptoms: vague death, wrist swelling, hovering, dry skin
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FandomLancila’s Lurgy
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: grey skin, occasional hydrophobia, occasional incontinence, excessive metallic skin
Cure: fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fanless’ Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: drooping eyelids, mild loss of weight, feather growth
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FantasyGoat’s Disease
Cause: allergy to wax fruit
Symptoms: mild regurgitation, hand swelling, eyelid swelling
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Far_East_Coast’s Lurgy
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: nose extension, ankle swelling, sniffing
Cure: take five purple crystals with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Farrahitis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extreme tree-climbing, extreme bad poetry, lust, abdominal pain
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fat_Is_Grossosis
Cause: lack of chewing gum in diet
Symptoms: slightly yellow hair, tentacle growth, occasional loss of dress sense, excessive coordination problems
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FatAnaosis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: urine retention, extremely enlarged liver and spleen, elbow pain, knee swelling
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fate_Envies_Us’ Syndrome
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: finger pain, blisters, ankle swelling
Cure: take three spoons of cod liver oil with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FatLoserBoy87’s Disorder
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: occasional knee pain, occasional narcolepsy, dry skin, wing growth
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fay’s Lurgy
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: thirst for human blood, mildly blurred vision, frequent delusions, swollen lymph nodes
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FDolarHyde13’s Syndrome
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: leg numbness, double-jointedness, fatigue, excessive wrist pain
Cure: take a few leeches a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
February_15’s Disorder
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: sudden pimples, sleepwalking, anxiety, vague stigmata
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FedUpRainbowKid’s Disease
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: appetite changes, gargling, chapped lips, excessive paranoia
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FeelingCouture’s Disease
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: vague hives, dancing, bladder pain
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FeezalSnot’s Disorder
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: mildly chapped lips, stiffness, mild reflective shots
Cure: take one and a half vitamin C tablets with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FeignedApathyitis
Cause: overconsumption of spam
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, lockjaw, narcolepsy
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Female_Anatomy’s Disease
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: hand swelling, neck lengthening, sudden bad poetry, excessive water retention
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FenellaEvangela’s Disease
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: seeing dead people, peeling skin, sudden guilt
Cure: take five leeches with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fenrisitis
Cause: genetically-modified human flesh
Symptoms: humming, mildly rosy cheeks, arm pain, brain swelling
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FergusMacFurkin’s Syndrome
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: hand tremors, extremely purple urine, hives, vague nausea
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Feynnosis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: occasional French accent, drooling, chest pain, vague chi imbalance
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FHPlayette23’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: belching, excessive fangs, extremely pointy ears, gullibility
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fianna’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: redness of nose, flashing eyes, vague levitation, enlarged liver
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FicBitchesosis
Cause: allergy to human flesh
Symptoms: bushy eyebrows, phantom pregnancy, vomiting
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fierraosis
Cause: lack of sausages
Symptoms: aggression, going bump in the night, talking like a pirate
Cure: eat more polystyrene
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FilteredThroughitis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: imperceptibly white hair, sniffing, temperature sensitivity, déjà vu
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fin9901itis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: occasional rotten teeth, pointy ears, frequent wrist pain
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FindingMyselfosis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: stiffness, being able to fire webs from wrists, watery eyes, cranial bloating
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FinestDrops’ Disease
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: buzzing noises, mild iris colour-changes, smell of brimstone
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fionn’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: gurgling, temporary invisibility, laughing, joint pain
Cure: drink two glasses of water every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Firefly_Pinkosis
Cause: overconsumption of polystyrene
Symptoms: occasional bowel incontinence, hair tangling, pale skin
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FirstSlayerosis
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: whistling, joint pain, occasional elbow pain
Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FishBowl_Soul’s Disease
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: excessive abdominal pain, eyelid swelling, humming, aversion to bright light
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fishy_Waterosis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: lumps, squinting, glowing
Cure: take a dozen sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FlabbinAbbal’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: incontinence, occasional back pain, shrunken head
Cure: take a hundred spoons of cod liver oil with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flaming_Ryokorosis
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: extreme puncture wounds, sneezing, crying
Cure: take a dozen purple crystals with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flamsterette_X’s Lurgy
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: deafness, arm pain, vague tiredness
Cure: take a few anti-depressants a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flat_Eric’s Lurgy
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: sudden knee pain, tentacle growth, mildly enlarged liver, slightly dry skin
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flataitis
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: blindness, grunting, vomiting blood, flushing
Cure: drink three pints of beer a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flawless_Fusion’s Disorder
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: dolphin noises, Guy Fawking of the leg, humming
Cure: eat more burgers
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flense’s Disorder
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: whitening of teeth, mild liver pain, neck swelling, tongue forking
Cure: take three vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flippenripple’s Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: occasional warts, occasional extra legs, extreme tree-climbing, howling at the moon
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FlounderManitis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: bruising, insomnia, muscle spasms
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FluffyBunnyLove’s Syndrome
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: sudden Hitler mustache, gurgling, excessive hallucinations
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FluffyDude’s Syndrome
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: hand numbness, hunger, sneezing
Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flyp’s Syndrome
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: wheezing, extreme hyperactivity, hives
Cure: drink a dozen cups of tea with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FMulder4’s Disorder
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: pyromania, sudden hypothermia, sleepwalking
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
19

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EmbryoGirl’s Disorder
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: dementia, frequent stiffness, memory loss, skin whitening
Cure: eat more polystyrene
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EmiriChanosis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: abdominal swelling, bruising, lockjaw, frequent ectoplasm
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Emmasa’s Lurgy
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: bulging eyes, panic attacks, hissing
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Emo_Snail’s Disorder
Cause: lack of caffeine
Symptoms: aphasia, humming, grimacing, excessive moodiness
Cure: eat more fish
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EmoBus’ Syndrome
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: foaming at the mouth, vague anger, chills
Cure: take a day off work
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EmoDuckie’s Syndrome
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: vomiting, pointy ears, feverishness
Cure: take five spoons of cod liver oil and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EmotionCapacityosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: frequent bowel movements, vague hot flushes, cranial bloating, extra ribs
Cure: eat more water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Empress_Kaileeosis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: vague sores, excessive fear of the number thirteen, sudden fear of the number thirteen
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Emsosis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: terror, blurred vision, vague second-degree burns
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EmyLouTayloritis
Cause: allergy to caffeine
Symptoms: glowing in the dark, extreme suicidal thoughts, speaking in tongues, tongue forking
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Encapsulate’s Lurgy
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: hovering, peeling skin, feather growth
Cure: take a dozen purple crystals a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Enderu’s Syndrome
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: coughing up blood, vague dizziness, excessive nosebleeds, muscle spasms
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Endgame’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: excessive hand tremors, slightly scaly skin, mildly black ears, sudden gills
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EndlessBlush’s Syndrome
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: sudden brittle bones, bulging eyes, revolving neck
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EndZeititis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: blocked nose, wheezing, pale skin
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Enix_Enigma’s Disorder
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: hand swelling, polka-dot urine, pyromania, excessive fear of the number thirteen
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EnRogue’s Disorder
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: knee pain, wheezing, mild horn growth on forehead, extreme stigmata
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Entity_Seo’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: mild iris colour-changes, cannibalism, foot swelling
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Enui_Iune’s Disease
Cause: improperly prepared wax fruit
Symptoms: drooling, headaches, frequent tiredness, foaming at the mouth
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EoinM’s Syndrome
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: occasional flaccidity, frequent anger, vague water retention, drooling
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Eos_Girl’s Lurgy
Cause: allergy to honey
Symptoms: buzzing noises, tentacle growth, smiling, dolphin noises
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EosWildcatosis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: occasional liver pain, sneezing, blue urine
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EPerrywinkle’s Disease
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: mild space alien bursting from stomach, walking like a zombie, extreme chills, turning into a giant monster
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Epic_Amazingitis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: mildly enlarged liver, glowing aura, hair tangling, necrosis
Cure: drink two pints of beer every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Erabell’s Lurgy
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: fingernail biting, extreme fear, shoulder pain
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Eric’s Syndrome
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: blisters, loss of libido, whistling, food cravings
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EricColeman’s Disease
Cause: allergy to toast
Symptoms: suicidal thoughts, premature greying, mild tentacle growth
Cure: take four potions of extra healing every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Erika’s Disease
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: knee swelling, seeing dead people, mild Guy Fawking of the leg, arm pain
Cure: take five purple crystals and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ErinBaka’s Lurgy
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: glowing, mild hot flushes, extreme dry rot, sores
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ErisLover’s Syndrome
Cause: overconsumption of honey
Symptoms: polka-dot vomit, squawking, double-jointedness, hallucinations
Cure: drink one and a half glasses of water a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EsotericGirl’s Disease
Cause: lack of air
Symptoms: chi imbalance, being unable to close mouth, fatigue
Cure: take five purple crystals a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Esprix’s Disorder
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: mild listlessness, electric shocks, slightly crossed eyes
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EstetikaFutbal’s Lurgy
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: moodiness, occasional foot numbness, spitting, hives
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EuroTrashGrrl’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to toothpaste
Symptoms: cranial bloating, being unable to close mouth, occasional tooth loss
Cure: take four ibuprofen a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EuroTrashPrince’s Disorder
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: excessive loss of libido, memory loss, glimpses of underlying reality
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ev1lKitKat’s Disease
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: extreme brittle bones, lust, sweating
Cure: drink more tea
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EvaAd0reitis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: pointy ears, receding gums, bendy arms
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Evil_Cunt’s Disease
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: excessive slow heartbeat, occasional dislike of modern architecture, facial hair, turning to stone
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Evil_Kuntessitis
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: bulging eyes, mildly yellow skin, knee pain
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EvilDeadKat20’s Disease
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: cannibalism, being unable to close mouth, extreme toe numbness, frequent loose teeth
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EviLoompa’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: fatigue, necrosis, frequent bowel movements, memory loss
Cure: take four Prozac tablets a day until it goes away
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EvilSibeitis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: cranial bloating, neck swelling, rapid heartbeat, extremely hairy legs
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EvilVillan_1’s Disorder
Cause: genetically-modified toast
Symptoms: urine retention, rosy cheeks, spitting, receding gums
Cure: drink a hundred cups of tea every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Evolveosis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: gurgling, coordination problems, cannibalism
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ewokia’s Syndrome
Cause: allergy to wax fruit
Symptoms: floating hair, howling at the moon, mildly watery eyes, blood in urine
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ex_007Mac460itis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: elbow pain, sudden flatulence, shrunken head
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ex_Carneilli723’s Disease
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: vague hives, dancing, bladder pain
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ex_NotQuiteA946’s Syndrome
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: occasional tree-climbing, mild arm pain, frequent gullibility, fangs
Cure: take four potions of extra healing every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ExAcademic’s Disorder
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: hair loss, mild rashes, vague déjà vu, frequent narcolepsy
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Exclamation_Pnt’s Disease
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: extreme heartburn, frequent listlessness, sudden chi imbalance
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Exodus_Pastosis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: excessive French accent, mild blisters, long hair
Cure: take a dozen purple crystals every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Explore_Talent’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to salt
Symptoms: glowing, spitting, frequent moodiness
Cure: electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Extreme____Rush’s Disease
Cause: improperly prepared bees
Symptoms: extreme slow heartbeat, rashes, excessive tufts of hair, excessive flaccidity
Cure: drink four glasses of water with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EyeHeartNewLifeosis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: grey irises, scaly skin, extremely watery eyes
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EZRyderitis
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: neck shortening, anxiety, bulging eyes
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Oct
19
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
E11evenosis
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: receding gums, winking, forgetting what day it is, insomnia
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
E_LunchboxHandsitis
Cause: overconsumption of cheese
Symptoms: frequent tufts of hair, terror, sudden ectoplasm
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
E_Richarditis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: frequent pustules, vague muscle atrophy, muscle spasms, overeating
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Eailem’s Disease
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: sudden flaccidity, mild loose teeth, excessive paralysis, spontaneous combustion
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EamonToPlease’s Disorder
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: metallic spots, aversion to bright light, crossed eyes
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
East_Meets_West’s Lurgy
Cause: viral
Symptoms: slightly collapsed lungs, sudden tallness, embarrassing noises, blotchy skin
Cure: sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Eats_Crayons’ Disease
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: excess saliva, mania, glowing aura
Cure: take a dozen shots of morphine every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ebaumsworlditis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: facial paralysis, appetite changes, flashing eyes, wrist pain
Cure: take two placebo tablets before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EBLGorton’s Disease
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: glowing eyes, dry rot, chi imbalance
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EccentricRabbititis
Cause: bad tea
Symptoms: blurred vision, squinting, mania
Cure: take a dozen ibuprofen every day for the rest of your life
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EccTVitis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: glimpses of underlying reality, photophobia, suicidal thoughts
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Echo31’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: turning into a giant monster, clicking sounds, hair growth, hyperactivity
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ecru’s Disease
Cause: stress
Symptoms: beeping, inability to turn neck, vague pale skin, hallucinations
Cure: Kryptonite
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ecstatic_Ennui’s Lurgy
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: pointy ears, vague flaccidity, sniffing
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ed_Salinasosis
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: glowing eyes, collapsed lungs, hives, loss of libido
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EdChiversPhotorosis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: regurgitation, warts, vomiting blood
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EdenBound’s Disease
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: walking like a zombie, glimpses of underlying reality, scaly skin, buzzing noises
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EdgarAllen’s Disease
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: mild loose teeth, dry skin, skin whitening, buzzing noises
Cure: smoke a dozen cigarettes every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Edgebotitis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: death, long hair, bendy arms
Cure: fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EFlatitis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: extreme delusions, depression, speaking in tongues, chapped lips
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EggoROFLs’ Disease
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: blurred vision, death, incontinence, hives
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EggoTheWaffle’s Syndrome
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: neck swelling, jaw dislocation, sudden blisters
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EgoRemover’s Syndrome
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: confusion, metallic spots, embarrassing noises, nosebleeds
Cure: bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EgoSumVeritas’ Syndrome
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: gastrointestinal bleeding, vague indigestion, nice dreams, flushing
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Egplant_DikeAss’ Lurgy
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: sweating, foot swelling, shivering
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EightySixosis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: Hitler mustache, extreme photophobia, glowing aura, ability to fly
Cure: take three leeches every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ek5320’s Disorder
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: face swelling, winking, excessive fear of drowning, sudden déjà vu
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElectricCore’s Syndrome
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: flashing eyes, sudden drowsiness, squeaky voice, occasional hair growth
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElectricLimeitis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: aggression, itching, floating hair, acne
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElectroSoundwav’s Syndrome
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: hair tangling, face swelling, eyelid swelling
Cure: don’t do it again
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elektra_Jaded’s Disorder
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: muscle spasms, excessive delusions, bushy eyebrows
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elenia28’s Disease
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: extreme blood in urine, French accent, winking
Cure: prayer
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elfyosis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: wrist pain, excessive confusion, coughing up blood, mild regurgitation
Cure: acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElHoserBoyosis
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: turning into a giant monster, sudden tentacle growth, night terrors
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EliaAlarielitis
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: urinary pain, slight ability to fly, forgetting what day it is, being able to fire webs from wrists
Cure: trepanning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElijahXWhore’s Lurgy
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: seizures, whistling, fingernail biting, slight Guy Fawking of the leg
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elimmire’s Lurgy
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: seeing dead people, mild metallic skin, loose teeth, vomiting blood
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elite_Whore’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: incontinence, occasional back pain, shrunken head
Cure: take a hundred spoons of cod liver oil with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elkster’s Syndrome
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: abdominal swelling, urine retention, fear of drowning
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ellettra’s Syndrome
Cause: bad chicken
Symptoms: vague forgetfulness, fingernail lengthening, steam whistling from ears, tooth lengthening
Cure: click heels together three times
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElliesBugged’s Disorder
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: mild skin lesions, vague brain shrinkage, foaming at the mouth, frequent tunnel vision
Cure: drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElliottBackosis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: mildly beige spots, abdominal swelling, extreme tongue retraction, anxiety
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elloliamosis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: occasional aphasia, blurred vision, crossed eyes
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EllySusan081osis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: sneezing, smiling, sudden tooth loss
Cure: exercise
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elsabet’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: talking like a pirate, brain swelling, squeaky voice, finger pain
Cure: take two pinches of snuff with meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elven_Ranger’s Syndrome
Cause: overconsumption of tea
Symptoms: excess saliva, extreme loss of libido, black eyes, frequent water retention
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElvenStrangerosis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, whitening of teeth, slightly enhanced vision, occasional space alien bursting from stomach
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElvenStranger04’s Syndrome
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: mania, vague nausea, extremely puce stools
Cure: take a hundred ibuprofen and come back in the morning
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElvenStrangerXosis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: extreme coordination problems, slightly watery eyes, tiredness
Cure: infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElvenWine26osis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: drooling, chest hair growth, frequent brittle bones, vomiting blood
Cure: eat more mushrooms
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
ElyseSewell’s Lurgy
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: embarrassing noises, electric shocks, tufts of hair, mild gullibility
Cure: none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Elysium3D’s Syndrome
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: hot flushes, food cravings, excessive loss of weight
Cure: eat more civet cats
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 229 other followers