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Archive for the ‘chinese’ Category

New numerous old altar green fish, Sacke Svensson, Alysha Isabel Meeks

July 5, 2017

From my ex-friend Lucas and Discord: New numerous old altar green Chinese prickly ash pickled fish?! “Is the spicy pickled fish cultured is to Sichuan river fish, smooth fresh enough, plus new numerous really old old pickled vegetable, acid bright enough, plus the real hot girl from secret spicy formula, really hot hot.” From Not […]

Sexual Harassment Panda / Whatever tea?! / Shadow not going to garrote us

June 22, 2017

I found out that the freezer might not have been working properly, so I called Hester at 11:25 for some help in that regard. After asking me what the freezer was (???), she said to adjust the number levels on temperature sensor, and to drop her a note later. Since I had to do my […]

Winsy Chan?! / Truman Capote and penises! / Slip and fall down carefully?!

June 15, 2017

Martin J. has a friend called WINSY CHAN?! From Janina and Cracked: After signing an autograph for a woman in a busy restaurant, Truman Capote was approached by her jealous, drunk husband. The husband pulled out his penis and asked Capote if he could “put his signature on that.” Capote looked from the man to […]

Three-headed hydra dragon! / Tea, coffee, and vodka! / Our sweet ass!

June 6, 2017

After COFFEE AND ASPIRIN TIME, I went out at 3:30 for my dentist appointment at 4 with Sean, which went fine even if a few teeth seemed a bit sensitive. They even gave me free fluoride that my insurance didn’t cover, plus an Oral-B toothbrush and Crest Pro-Health Advanced toothpaste! Then I got NEW Uncle […]

Bob Barker and parting gifts, a hand grenade, Denise Coke busted with cocaine

May 28, 2017

From Janina: Bob Barker on THE PRICE IS RIGHT says, “Parting gifts! We have a nice toaster for you, loser!” From Engrish.com and Library of Most Controversial Files: A fire extinguisher labelled as a hand grenade?! From my FAST-ACTING LONG-LASTING Bathroom Reader #18: Detroit police busted someone named Denise COKE with a lot of COCAINE […]

Get the wipes! / Obi-Wan Kenobi and great disturbances / Confucius and sharts

May 19, 2017

From Ask Ideas: “Honey, get the wipes… I just sharted!” From Ask Ideas: Obi-Wan Kenobi says, “I feel a great disturbance in the bowels.” From Ask Ideas: Confucius say “Sneaky fart can lead to stinky shart!”

Breathe Right Nasal Strips! / A non-Chinese Jenny Wong?! / I ain’t even mad!

May 18, 2017

Due to MDSE (Monthly Drain Sleep Experience), I went to bed at 8:55 PM last night, and then slept for an additional two and a half hours today! I dreamed that I was on a family vacation where Dad refused to let me sort my laundry by color at home even though I was on […]

Tim Tebow and the Oxford comma, an explosive dog, Lathan and Le-Zhan Williams?!

May 10, 2017

Why I still use the Oxford comma: Tim Tebow’s parents are not God and Mary! From Engrish.com and Library of Most Controversial Files: Explosive dog! From UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: Lathan and Le-Zhan Williams?!

Another Wo’s dinner: Yee mein, green beans, pork, and questions about numbers!

May 8, 2017

Since Steph was in town for some weird RCMP reason and we obviously had a family dinner at Wo’s for this, it was COFFEE TIME for me at 3:45 before I left at 4:30! I STILL GOT THERE EARLIER THAN EVERYONE ELSE! (despite trying to book it up the stairs at Brighouse Station AND accidentally […]

Erection in progress / Yaaaouch! / GAU! / Philemon Winter! / Golden skeletons!

May 2, 2017

From Engrish.com and Library of Most Controversial Files: Erection in progress! In FINAL FANTASY VI: THE ETERNAL CRYSTALS, Sabin and Shadow make it to this crazy old man’s cabin. He is really Gau’s father, and threatens to throw them out onto the Veldt. Sabin decides to touch the burning hot stove: “Yaaaouch!” In FINAL FANTASY […]