Tajuana’s daughters formed a gang?! / Atreus, Rhihanan, Pye, and Denyse Tontz?!

A couple days ago, Alice said she’d send me DOES IT FART?: THE DEFINITIVE FIELD GUIDE TO ANIMAL FLATULENCE (Nick Caruso, Dani Rabaiotti) in the mail for free. I was expecting it to arrive on May 2, but I was surprised when I got a “missed call” today because the phone beeped at me at […]

ANOTHER Mike Litoris in Portland?! / James Bond Cero Cero Siete Carrion Vargas?!

I showered and did laundry today. Julie sent me a picture of my 2019 birthday card in the windowsill display! “I heard that people don’t want stuff on their birthday. They want experiences.” From List25: There is ANOTHER Mike Litoris?! Poor kid! James Bond Cero Cero Siete Carrion Vargas?! James Bond 007, everyone!

Farting in my wallet… HAHAHA! / Abcde Redford?! / No sushi? Well, FUKU DEN!

From Julie M. and Krazy Bitch: Farted in my wallet. Now I have gas money. From Aaron94 on Discord, Julie M., and Vanessa on November 29, 2018: Abcde Redford?! Also, the reporter has a great last name: MIRACLE! From Pete: The guy says, “Let’s go get some sushi!” The girl says, “I don’t like eating […]

Vaseline For Men / Racist Stuart and cancer / Charlene Thompson’s crazy mugshot

Heard from Jana in CANUCK NATION that RACIST Stuart has three kinds of cancer (liver / colon / something else) and is currently in Langley hospice – karma works in good ways! I went out at 2:30 on a 401 for shopping purposes. Went to London Drugs for a replacement toothbrush since I had to […]

Dayshaun, Dorethea, Ebony for a black person, and De Chanel?! / Nobody cares!

Today is National Ice Cream Day! The computer just restarted! Edit at 9: Victor R. just added me from Reddit. YAY! From Julie: Dayshaun?! From Julie: Dorethea is NOT a good spelling for Dorothy or Dorothea! BAD SPELLING! From Julie: Ebony for a black person is SO original and unique! Not! From Julie: De Chanel?! […]

Jawn Jang?! / Oscar Dansk and Paul Zwambag?! / Pregnant smoker and jackhammers?!

From Reddit: Around here, Sportsnet 650 has an announcer named JAWN JANG?! The Vegas Golden Knights have a goalie named Oscar Dansk, JUST LIKE THE ROYAL DANSK COOKIES! I also like the writer’s name: Paul ZWAMBAG! That sounds somehow badass! From THE ROANOKE TIMES in September 2004: Mellisa Williamson, 35, a Bulitt Avenue resident, worries […]

Scotland Williams, Björn Westling, Brandon Greif, Cerise Gwendolynn Gardner

Since I was up at 8 AM, it was COFFEE TIME BY DEFAULT! From THE NEW DETECTIVES: Scotland Williams?! From Not Always Working: Björn Westling?! This is only notable because I will forever misread the last name as WRESTLING. From Not Always Working: Brandon Greif?! This is only notable because I will forever misread the […]

Susan Tellem in public relations?! / Norm Reeder in charge of LIBRARY programs?!

From ALL-PURPOSE BATHROOM READER #13: Susan Tellem is a public relations executive?! From ALL-PURPOSE BATHROOM READER #13: Norm REEDER is in charge of Torrance LIBRARY programs?!

Chili cheese chips! / Green bubble wrap! / Milk to beer! / Sad payday realities!

I AM DONE WITH DAN SAVAGE – he’s gone downhill since 1994! I went to both banks at 3:20 and paid my Shaw bill online today. I went to the Shoppers Drug Mart post office and bought some

Windmills, throwing Kleenexes, Sterling Lovelady, Sterling Knight, Dick Wiggler

I left for Harmony’s at 4:15, just missing the 407 and just managing to get the 401 because I ran across the street when it was not my signal. When I got to the house, I focused on seeing if Hiero would eat his snack. Mom gave me $3 in cash, plus a bag of […]