Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

May
21

Here I am at home with my coloring book and toys in July 1982!

Jon’s first birthday in November 1982: Grandma, me, Jon, Mom, and Dad.

The NG siblings in 1985!

The NG siblings, Christmas 1985!

Disneyland in 1992: me, Mom, Steph, Grandma, and Jon!

Steph, Dawn, and me at the Steveston Salmon Festival on Canada Day in 1993. TOO MUCH PINK! UGH!

Steph, me, and Jon at Manning Park in 1994!

Awkward family photo from 1994. Love the overalls, Steph! 😛

Steph’s elementary school grad in June 1995!

Family affection in October 1996!

Jon’s 15th birthday in November 1996!

Jon’s high school grad in June 1999!

Mom and Dad’s 25th wedding anniversary in May 2000. Oh man, I still have that red top!

Steph, Grandma, Jon and me at the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge on July 16, 2000!

Jon, Steph, and me at the Jelly Belly Factory on July 18, 2000!

Mom, me, Steph, and Jon in Gilroy, California on July 19, 2000. The Garlic Capital of the World!

Steph’s 18th birthday in February 2001: Jon, Steph, and I are all pointing at each other. YAZ IS UG!

Steph’s high school grad in June 2001.

NG family affection around 2003, the FOOT edition!

Halifax Harbor in August 2004… did we REALLY have to squish onto ONE bench when there was another perfectly empty one right behind us?!

I suppose that the view is nice enough, but do I really need to take solo pictures with my parents on a trip?!

Steph and I went to Shanghai Wonderful for an early-ish dinner on May 27, 2011 with a hangry Grandma!

May
20

Purell hand sanitizer: Let me show you exactly where that paper cut is…

Chubb Small?!

From Janina: Straight out of the trailer park! Heading to Walmart…. do you need anything?

May
19

I discovered that my new chocolate ice cream has coconut flakes in it, so I had to throw it out (along with the weirdly-melted Häagen-Dazs Spirits ice cream) since I don’t like coconut!

From Janina: This cat says, “Ma! They’re posting weird shit again!”

Sabin, Cyan, and Shadow try to get a Fairy Ring right next to the Tent in this small room on the Phantom Train in FINAL FANTASY VI. However, it’s inaccessible and therefore unobtainable unless you can find a Walk-Through-Walls code for this game.

From Engrish.com and Library of Most Controversial Files: You can use this metal curtain rod to hang yourself or someone else!

May
19

From Ask Ideas: “Honey, get the wipes… I just sharted!”

From Ask Ideas: Obi-Wan Kenobi says, “I feel a great disturbance in the bowels.”

From Ask Ideas: Confucius say “Sneaky fart can lead to stinky shart!”

May
18

Justin Bieber has a cousin named SHAWNTEAL?!

Justin Bieber has half-siblings named JAZMYN and JAXON?!

From Julie: Aireka?! Only Airwrecka surpasses that, purely because “air wreck” is an awful thing to have in your name!

From Reddit: Emery Deathrage?!

May
18

Due to MDSE (Monthly Drain Sleep Experience), I went to bed at 8:55 PM last night, and then slept for an additional two and a half hours today! I dreamed that I was on a family vacation where Dad refused to let me sort my laundry by color at home even though I was on my period. WTF, subconscious?!

There was a live EARTHBOUND race today at RPG Limit Break! 😀

From Julie: Breathe Right Nasal Strips! Breathe Better and Dream Bigger! I’m not sure I’d want a seahorse, a giant hat, and a metallic deep sea shark monster showing up in MY dreams, random though they can be!

On DATELINE 2020, in “The Mystery of Apartment 410,” there’s a white person named JENNY WONG?!

From Janina and INGLORIOUS BASTARDS: I ain’t even mad!

May
17

I discovered redrum this morning – UGH!

From Discord: Hot Pocket full of shells! This one genuinely made me laugh!

From GIRLS WITH SLINGSHOTS: “I’m an editor. I can HEAR punctuation!”

From George Takei: When someone asks you to come out, but you’re already in pajamas… “It’s a NO from me.” Simon Cowell has it right!

May
17

From Reddit on March 7, 2017: No, you should not encourage your BOYFRIEND in HIS using “they / them” pronouns! It’s HE and HIM and HIS! I agree with Undoomed on this one. You are NOT that much of a special snowflake! Also, WTF is “eye gaze”? Just say “he looks at me for a long time”! This is definitely an example of semantic satiation!

From Reddit on April 3, 2017: No, you cannot be technically 12 when it’s a month until your birthday! That would still make you your then-current age of ELEVEN.

May
16

From Krista: Purple nightmare dragon!

From Julie: Gori Julian? That’s not a nickname for some long Eastern European name…

From Wesley: I made a huge mistake this morning! While making breakfast, I thought the Kikkoman soy sauce was the Mrs. Butterworth’s Original pancake syrup!

May
15

I had to go out in the torrential rain (just managing to get a 401 AND a Waterfront train) for my THIRD family function (Mother’s Day / Mom’s birthday) in a calendar week: WAY TOO MUCH FRIGGIN’ FAMILY TIME! So of course I had to have coffee at 3:15 before going out at 4:30 to London Drugs to buy bulk pads, on-sale iron pills (which are BEHIND the pharmacy counter – of course I told the pharmacist that my doctor told me to take them…), on-sale Salsitas chips x2 (I left a bag for Jon and the family to try), zinc / Vitamin C / echinacea tablets, and 200 index cards. We had good meatloaf from Park Royal (no filler ingredients!), potato salad with smoked salmon, strawberries, orange peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, actual mango pudding, homemade pizza, and corn soup for yet another family dinner. At least I got home at 7:50 on a 401!

Ayler wanted to boss me around: “You have to stay longer!” Hiero wanted me to read to him, of course. (buses, stars, Chinese School primers, first day of school speedreading…) Ayler kept asking if he could have the chips, Hiero cried because he fell down (it’s FINE for him to cry, Dad…), Ayler said that I took my hat off to go to bed (yup), and Hiero wanted me to play with the toy trains. It was okay, but I’m glad that the lards are going to Japan and Hong Kong on the 22nd to stay with Great-Aunt! No, I’m not going to church this Sunday AT ALL! Apparently, Ayler had called me at 4:30 to make sure I was going to his place – I was out already! Jon says that the Jacob’s Well fundraising event is the 26th, but I already have plans with Chrystal. Hopefully, they aren’t without a place to do their thing!

Iron pills!

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.