Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Jul
23

From Sarah G.: A pink soap bar which is saying, “Rub me on your butt!” on a blue shower curtain!

Reminds me of my icon:

Redd Foxx: You gotta wash your ass!

Guess who loves Jesus, but will still curse your ass out?

Jul
22

I unsubscribed from r/relationships since I got two bot messages intimating that my comments were abusive and misogynistic. WHO THE FUCK REPORTED MY COMMENTS?!

From Pete: What do you mean, these microwave containers and lids aren’t suitable for use in the microwave oven or conventional oven?!

Why not try a book? Infinite battery life, the page always loads, DRM free, never loses your data, immune to viruses, compatible with all hands / eyes, vibration and drop-resistant. Go ahead; throw that sucker against the wall.

Kepler B. Funk was a lawyer on FORENSIC FILES?!

Jul
21

I just managed to get the 401 at 2:50 when I went to London Drugs two Hilroy notebooks for journal purposes since the last time I bought journals was on 13 October 2014 (bonus: Mike will never see them!), bubble wrap for Hiero’s fun, new black thin Secret socks. Then I got home at 3:45 to shower and do laundry before transferring things to the new journals. Thank goodness I had whiteout at home so I could differentiate the front and back covers of the black journals!

PRODUCT WARNING: No more President’s Choice peanut butter chunk cookies from Shoppers or Superstore! They don’t even really taste like peanut butter!

I WANT THIS DRAGON GUITAR!

From Enchanting Minds: Yes, I am an introvert. No, I’m not shy, No I’m not stuck up. No, I’m not antisocial. I’m just listening. I’m just observing. I can’t stand small talk… But I’ll talk about life for hours. I’d rather be home with a close friend or two than among a crowd of acquaintances. Don’t scold me in public. Don’t embarrass me in public. Respect that I am reserved. And if I open myself up to you, know that means you’re very special to me.

My dearest Friends: Most of you know of my odd sense of humor. Those who don’t (can leave) might get offended with some of the stuff I post (cry babies). So, I wanted to take this time to say that if there is anything on my wall (my business) that offends you (get over it), please bring it to my attention (please don’t) and I will delete it (don’t hold your breath) immediately (not). The last thing I want to do (is freely express myself) is to cause harm to anyone (attention mongers) by what I say (because your opinion is the only one that matters). Have a bright and blessed (blow it out your ass) day in each and every way.

From Julie: Proper toilet etiquette!

Jul
20

From Reddit: Woman in Kansas City gives birth to three sets of twins – July 19, 2016

A mother in the United States has given birth to three sets of fraternal twins in a little over two years. Danesha Couch, 20, from Kansas City, gave birth to daughters Darla and Delanie on June 17 – just 26 months after her first set of twins were born. All six babies, she told the BBC, were conceived without fertility drugs and delivered by Caesarean section. She gave birth to her first set of twins – sons Danarius and Desmond – on April 13, 2014. Desmond died shortly afterwards because of a placental abruption. Danesha was left devastated: “Losing a child hurts, and it’s mentally damaging to anyone that has a heart. “All I could do was pray. It was a really tough time.”

A few months later, Danesha met her current partner, Jeffrey Pressler, and on May 29 last year, she gave birth to her second set of twins, Delilah and Davina. “It was a blessing,” she said, especially after the death of Desmond. “My mum started calling me double trouble,” she said, laughing. “When Danesha gave birth to the first of twins [we had together], our families were very excited. The second time around, they were like, ‘What? It’s another pair of twins!’ ” But Danesha said both of their families had been incredibly helpful since the birth of Delilah and Davina. “I’m grateful for every bit of help that I can get!” she added.

A few months later, in late 2015, Jeffrey and Danesha received the news that Danesha was expecting twins for a third time. “When I got the news, I pretty much knew that we had to step up,” the mother-to-be explained. “I knew that I had to buck up and put on my big girl panties.” The couple began making preparations for the new arrivals, selling both of their cars to buy what Jeffrey refers to as their 7-seater “van.” And on June 17 this year, Danesha gave birth to daughters Darla and Delanie.

So how are Danesha and Jeffrey finding life looking after their five healthy children, all of whom are under the age of three? “It’s definitely my second job,” says Jeffrey, who has taken on extra hours at work to help provide for the family while Danesha is on maternity leave. “It’s changed both of us. We have been maturing and working harder to provide for our kids.” “It’s tough sometimes, but Jeff and I try my best,” says Danesha. “They are my top priority. They keep both of us awake all through the night.” She says that meeting other people who have had twins has been very helpful: “I’ve been to various parenting groups, and it’s been good to hear that I’m not alone in these things. It’s tough enough to wake up and smile in the world at the moment. But as long as I know that my children are safe, I’m happy.”

Jul
19

I left for Harmony’s at about 3:20, and got there at about 4:30 or so. Ayler was still getting up from his nap, but Hiero was in his high chair, eating a snack. Hiero actually greeted me with “Hi, Auntie!” Later, I watched him play with a puzzle before we put sunscreen on. Then I was the tie-breaker between two parks: I chose Robson Park over the park on 19th because I at least know where that is, even if they had gone there in the morning. Ayler wanted to walk with me to the park, so we held hands for his own safety. Harmony and I discussed Fraser’s first haircut, hiking at Lighthouse Park in West Vancouver last Saturday with a dog named Joy, lighting a match (and asking whether I was okay) when I pooped in their washroom (with multiple flushes!), Hiero walking the toy dog and toy elephant around, Hiero climbing on the couch, almost everything being a tunnel to Hiero if he can fit things under it, Hiero looking at the alphabet cards (“ice cream!”), Hiero falling in the morning, French Immersion, Robson Park being the best because the kids could see the traffic signals, Ayler knowing some French (the days of the week), Hiero knowing what a W is (W FOR WHALE!), Ayler negotiating the volume and everything else, special soba sauce on our buckwheat noodles at dinner, tofu, chicken, blueberries, eggs, cherries, Hiero discovering the fun of bubble wrap, brushing teeth, and the Chinese turnip pudding which we actually remembered at the last minute. On my way out, I saw Mom and Dad with a load of laundry. I got home at 9:30 on a 407, and fielded an email from Steph about Fraser’s first birthday party being at 11 on a Saturday morning (August 13) because that time works best for Fraser’s baby friends.

From Grammar Girl: Orgasmic blueberries?! Oh my.

Jul
19

Barry called to let me know that he had a concussion from crashing on his bike at a high rate of speed, so someone else from Pathways would take me shopping next week. I called Tammy, and she said that she’d sort things out and let me know tomorrow.

DOCTOR WHO police box!

Maxine from Hallmark Cards: “I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office restroom with an air horn. And now we wait…” This sounds like something that Andrew M. would totally do!

From Oddee: Here’s some badly-cooked pizza!

Jul
18

Tyler Atkinson added me to Facebook; sure, why not? Facebook sent me a message to make sure I knew that after I confirmed the friend request, and wanted me to say hi – what the heck?! Someone named Dee Yoner also added me to Facebook – DENIED!

I just got blue-screened again!

MARIO duct tape!

From CFOX: Here’s an undercover Coke hiding out in a Fanta display!

From Reddit: Doge Compass Card!

Jul
18

Online Image Enlarger – I should save everything as PNG files, so I don’t have to deal with weird and unwanted Instagram-like filters on my pictures!

Dr. Slutsky works in the WET LAB?!

Moses as a baby, parting the waters of his bath! “MOSES!!! Cut the bullshit and take your bath!”

Werewolves say that spelling is important.. a werewolf, a wearwolf, a warewolf, and aware wolf.

Jul
17

I went out to Delta at 3:35, stopping to buy some Godiva mint chocolate chip truffle candies from Shoppers. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize I was already late till it was about 4:15 or so! Poor Lisa was waiting at the Tim Horton’s for about an hour! I definitely apologized, said it was my fault for writing down the wrong time yesterday that I should leave today, Mom said that she’d remember the ghost pepper and bourbon chicken wings from Save-On. I played with Fraser (who is now effectively allergic to nuts for at least the next year) on the deck because he was interested in the water table and its windmill, which is powered by dumping water into the little holey container above. We had those, hamburgers, hot dogs, corn, beer, bread, black forest cake, red peppers, salad, buns, and chocolate! Ayler looked cool in his sunglasses, tried to negotiate things, wanted to take apart the kiddy flooring in the sunroom, said “Poke Auntie!” and “Georgia viaduct little bridge!”, wanted to take various things home, definitely was still too rough with Havarti (who got confined to a room later on), and wanted to eat the chicken I was eating. No, that’s too spicy for you!

The cousins played together, explored the letter fridge magnets, and ate a lot. Hiero noticed airplanes, of course. Fraser just made noise, babbled, and was determined to crawl everywhere. Harmony said that her grandma’s birthday on Wednesday was at Sun Sui Wah, so that was convenient because they could just take the stroller there. Jon says that Nathan is coming back for Citrus’s wedding in August, Steph says that Danielle is doing well (they saw her today), Lisa says that they’re going to Ontario for ten days on Wednesday, and Mom said something about Auntie Eva and her cataracts. Mom and Dad drove me home, and I got in at 8:15 with ten rolls of toilet paper / three spiral notebooks / an “I LOVE MOM” photo frame in a bag with hearts on it from Jon and Harmony / two copies of OUR DAILY BREAD / two boxes of Kleenex / SOUR BRITE candy / leftover chicken wings and mango pudding. Unlike Mike, I do not ask for the money back that I spent on something (those dark chocolate mint truffles) which nobody except me touched at a get-together! He did this once on 6 February 2014, saying that I was the only one to eat the rotisserie chicken, and that it had cost nine whole dollars and he had had to make a special trip out to Costco for it… I just left the truffles at Steph and Lisa’s!

Ghost pepper and bourbon chicken wings from Save-On!

Godiva mint chocolate chip truffle candies!

Shrimp mango stir fry!

Jul
17

Jason Poon is a gynecologist?!

From Julie: Wilaiporn Cox was on a FORENSIC FILES episode?!

Wait… Wilaiporn Cox’s HUSBAND was named Karmen?!

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