Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

May
25

I left for Harmony’s at 3:15, and went to Price Smart for NEW on-sale Ginger Pepsi x2 and some Roasted Garlic and Herb Brown Rice Medley and Savory Herb Basmati Rice Medley using my Rice and Grains coupons. I also went to London Drugs for some store brand aspirin, on-sale melatonin, NEW Prima Taste Singapore laksa La Mian noodles, and one more large reusable bag. Then I went to Tim Horton’s for a Boston Creme doughnut, which was okay. I did manage to check out the Shoppers Drug Mart and other businesses at the Marine Drive station, but still managed to get to Harmony’s at 5. After eating some purple tortilla chips and other things, Dad and I took Ayler and Hiero to the nearby playground. Mom said that we could meet tomorrow at 11:30 – I know that! At least they say they’ll drive me home with the bulky comforter…

As Ayler said later, Dad got upset and angry because Ayler wasn’t putting on his shoes fast enough. I watched Hiero try to make friends with the other people at the park, climb up the slide, notice planes, and fight with his brother. We went back to the house, and when Harmony got home, Dad left pretty much right away. Harmony and I discussed a kids’ market (Kidopolis) in Richmond (the kids had fun there yesterday), “Uncle Dingle” being “Uncle Randal” (HAHAHA!), salad, pozole with optional yogurt, lemonade, juice, no jumping program this Saturday, my birthday card for Ayler, Ayler trying to say my name for the first time, my parents taking the kids to McDonalds, Jeremy, the Easter eggs they’d forgotten about, Hiero possibly being left-handed, Hiero looking worried about the bristle blocks, ordering chocolate cake for Ayler’s birthday party, and the McDonalds toy with the Happy Meal. Hiero sat in my lap to play with stickers and look at things in a “Big Bear Little Chair” book before I left at 8-ish. I got home at 9:20 on a 407, which wasn’t too bad.

Periodic table of swearing!

Cherry Coke!

Ginger Pepsi!

Prima Taste Laksa La Mian noodles!

May
24

Pareekshit Ravi?!

Monica Moorehead?!

From Julie: Period Panteez?!

Dick Rubright?!

Micky Pun?! Eric, Kevin, Dylan, and I thought this was a GUY upon seeing the name on some papers at a David Fellowship Committee meeting! Imagine our surprise when Kevin mentioned at the next meeting that he had met HER…

May
23

Colon-O’Brien!

Abad-Sweat!

Boney-Stubbs!

Eaton-Burger!

Geddings-DeFreez!

Gomez-Peed!

Hickey-Marks!

Love-Gobble!

Pennypacker-Swartzendruber!

Rumph-Byrnes! (rump burns)

Santagata-Biggerstaff?!

Sears-Brand!

Self-Lovin!

Wilbee-Deman!

Beach-Boies!

May
23

I LOST MY GMAIL DRAFT WHEN FIREFOX CRASHED, AND NOW IT’S BLANK! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!

From Janina: A Canadian “warning” on a takeout coffee cup reads, “If this was another country, we’d have to tell you that this coffee may be hot. Good thing this is Canada!”

Treveonta Clark, AdrianandiousBlackeyes, and Tyriekus Edwards?!

May
22

From CFOX: At the buffet, we can have jalapenos labelled as chocolate!

The different types of music stands: The Leaner, The Graffitied, The Hobbit, The Bully, El Perfecto, Your Friend, The Wire Stand, The Veteran, The Anne Boleyn.

May
22

BREATH OF FIRE II Retranslated!

I did go out to meet Eve, Carol, Sabrina, Darren S., and others at a bar called Toby’s near Broadway / Commercial last night at 6:35 after having coffee and a sandwich, just missing the 407 bus. I had to wait about half an hour for the next one (but the nice C94 driver dropped me off closer to the Canada Line!), so it was about 8 when I showed up at the bar (fist-pumping a homeless guy nearby), but nobody else was there yet, so I opted to wait outside just in case. About ten minutes later, Sabrina and Darren showed up to say that Eve and the others were in a cab. We eventually decided to go upstairs, where I just had ice water all night except for the tequila shooter that someone bought. Carol showed up later in her jersey, and we high-fived over our jerseys! Kathy forgot her needle and thread, which meant that I brought my black winter coat for no reason, although I could have stashed it in another huge reusable bag. When Sabrina said that Brad was coming, I was not a fan of that. At least Darren seemed to listen as I told him and Sabrina about what had happened on February 13. I later decided to soberly forgive him since we both didn’t remember what had happened between us, except for it being on Mike Y.’s status a few years ago. We shook hands and talked briefly over the loud music. To give him credit, I said that as far as I knew, he did not make himself the victim while complaining about things. I also talked to Carol about a couple of things, which is good! Of course I shared the Valentine’s Day candy with everyone, saying that Aaron could take it home for his daughter Jo if he liked. We talked about Mandy, Amanda K. not joining us from Surrey, Eve’s lookalike Ashley, smoking, Darren vaping, and playing pool.

Sabrina and I laughed over various Facebook comments in CRIMINALS, a message exchange between her and Aaron, weird pictures, and Brad’s post about “pre-drinking with friends” right before he joined us. Aaron and Brad were talking about Brad’s being blackout drunk, and I heard my name being mentioned, so eventually I told Brad (again) what I thought of his gaslighting assoholic behavior. Brad said he was sorry, but didn’t have an excuse for saying that Ed was the drunk one, and just was distracted by people walking by him. He says he’s fine with not being in the group, but I’m not letting him back in or unblocking him. Basically, I did not really believe anything he said. Later on, everyone upstairs was distracted by a guy who was humping a tree and then a nearby pillar across the street. Darren said that I could see it better from another window, and Aaron helped me to look in the direction of the red pants. Later, Sabrina called 911 on him because it had ceased to be funny to her, and it could be anyone’s kid. Probably a good idea.

I left at midnight or so after saying bye to Eve (who had holed herself up in the washroom) and kissing Sabrina goodbye (“Oh my God, I got lipstick all over Leslie!” in my FIRST EVER SAME-SEX KISS!), but then took the wrong 9 bus to Broadway Station, only noticing as I would have been the last person left on the bus, and as the stops grew closer and closer to VCEFC. I had to walk from Renfrew to the Rupert Skytrain station, but then I took the wrong train to “Waterfront,” only noticing once I was at Gilmore Station in Burnaby! So then I had to get off the train and go all the way across the station to get on the right one. Then I noticed that I had to pee really badly. (I should not drink about two litres of water in four hours ever again…) I got on the right train to end up where I started at Broadway / Commercial, when all I would have had to do was cross the street for the right 9 bus (or take the elevator up and walk all the way across THAT Skytrain station) and not waste about 40 minutes or so. But since I was so focused on “BUS COMING TO A BUS STOP NOW!!!!”, it didn’t even register that I was taking the wrong bus still later. Anyway, at least I was finally on my way home. Unfortunately, as I reached Waterfront station for real, my pee urges were REALLY making themselves known. There were no public bathrooms inside the station, as it was past 1 AM and nothing was still open. (I could have said “IT’S AN EMERGENCY!” at Subway, but didn’t… and A + W was CLOSED!) I managed to take THE VERY LAST TRAIN HOME at 1:15 AM! Thank goodness I realized that I’d been going in the wrong direction TWICE at those times!

I tried not thinking about it, but every single time the train bumped and shifted, it was not helping. By the time the train reached Marine Drive Station / Bridgeport / Aberdeen stations, I was thinking, “Just X more minutes!” When it reached Lansdowne station, I really had to go! When it reached Brighouse (FINALLY), I rushed out of the train since I’d already begun peeing a bit on my underwear. The true golden rush came while I was in the elevator by myself, thank goodness. I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF! I was also able to get one of the very last 401 buses home just in time at 1:50 AM, and not have to wait till 2:30 AM. I got home, threw my wet maxipad on the lawn at the health centre, threw my thin black Secret socks out, put everything else in the laundry, showered, and went to sleep by 2:20 AM. At 7:30 AM, I woke up and began doing laundry. Thank goodness I bought white vinegar a while ago – it seemed to work on February 20 when Ayler peed on me, and it STILL works when the urine’s had a couple more hours to stain my clothing! (2:15 to 3:45 PM vs. 1:40 AM to 7:40 AM) No way was I doing laundry at 2:15 AM when I was pretty tired.

Aaron, Brad, and Darren:

Me, Sabrina, and Carol:

Kathy, Carol, me, Darren, Sabrina, Eve, Brad, and Aaron:

Tree-humper!

New horoscopes in the style of Ricky Gervais!

Five-Spice pig ears!

May
21

I left for Harmony’s at 8:25, and was delayed by slow people using walkers and wheelchairs, but managed to get to the house just in time for Jon to leave at 9:30, telling him that he might want to go out the back way because of the cement truck blocking the sidewalk. He let me in the house, where I played with Ayler and Hiero briefly before we were off to the jumping program. Harmony said it was probably a good thing I didn’t come by last week because everyone was throwing up all over the place, and my parents also got sick. I told her that Mom had hung up on Steph; no idea if Mom still isn’t talking to Steph, but she should have known that Steph had cancelled everything the night before. We discussed my excursion to the Night Market, Fraser still eating a lot, Daylight Savings Time potentially blowing Ayler’s mind (“TIME GOES BACKWARDS?! WOW!”), having congee / fried rice / salad (dressing) / eggs / pumpkin seeds for lunch, brushing teeth, and next week. Ayler told me “other people get upset,” “yeh-yeh ma-ma go to 1-2-3 Jump!”, “ma-ma said no ripping,” “no bending,” “Stetson [as in Colin Stetson]” and “mom said gotta wait.” When I said that his birthday would be next week, he said “happy birthday.” Then I said that he could eat birthday cake, which he repeated. Hiero said “auntie move – sit here” and read letters and numbers off my Oyster shirt after he got his finger skin caught in a buckle. I got home at 2:40 since I just managed to get the 407, thank goodness.

Random stuff from Mom: black XXXL shapewear, Carnaby Valentine’s candy (jellybeans / gummy hearts / cinnamon hearts / candy conversation hearts), Grandma’s white underwear x2, pink underwear, Sunworld Dynasty Hotel Taipei toothbrush x2 / razor kit / white comb x2 / soap x2, Willian Polo Club International toothbrushes x2 / combs x2 / shampoo x2 / soap, a Puriti Quest shower cap, a pair of thin light pink socks, a pair of thin grey socks, two Chewy Dragees fruit Mentos candies, a Chewy Dragees mint Mentos candy, Fushin Hotel body lotion, a white hairbrush, two UEX shower caps (which have an expiry date of February 2021 for whatever reason), a Formosan Naruwan toothbrush, some Formosan Naruwan body lotion, Kandesn Spa Sunrider hand and body lotion / liquid soap / conditioner, a Glenhaven Memorial Chapel mint, two tubes of Parodontax daily toothpaste to help bleeding gums, and three tiny tubes of SunSmile Sunrider herbal toothpaste. I’ve tried both toothpastes and the liquid soap, but they aren’t my style.

From Pete: You can’t run through a campground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

The SHACK OF SIT furniture showroom!

May
21

Some people are like Slinkies… they’re really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs!

Condescending Wonka: Oh, you post Bible verses on Facebook? You’re definitely getting into heaven.

ROMEO AND JULIET is not a love story. It’s a three-day relationship between a 13-year-old and a 17-year-old that caused six deaths. Sincerely, everyone who actually read it.

May
20

From Alice: You meet some people, and right away, you want to buy them a nice toaster for their bathtub.

Baroness Gardner of Parkes is talking about the Japanese knotweed!

May
20

Steph took a picture of this iPhone POOP phone case at the Night Market on Sunday!

Married couple’s slices of lung?!

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