Stoner Elf Name! / ChristmasFlamHam! / Suitcases! / Chrystal Xmas / Dirty jokes!


How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.

What’s the speed limit of sex? 68! At 69, you have to turn around.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me!

Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts!

Who’s the biggest ho in history? Ms. Pac-Man, because for 25 cents, she swallows balls until she dies.

What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter!

What’s the difference between a bag of coke and a baby? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window.

What’s the difference between Epstein and Cobain? Epstein didn’t kill himself.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don’t have balls to scratch.

What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!

What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

What do you call two guys fighting over a promiscuous woman? Tug-of-whore.

What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn’t? Her navel.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

After DOUBLE COFFEE TIME, I went out at 6:55 on a 401 to meet Chrystal at the Broadway London Drugs. Good thing I left early since the next Waterfront train was out of service at what HAD BEEN a surprisingly empty Brighouse Station! There was some guy clapping like a seal on the bus and at the station – thank goodness he wasn’t in my train car! I got to London Drugs at 7:30, and was happy that there was no lineup at the post office so I could mail Corey and Julie’s cards. However, I got a postal worker who was grumpy as fuck: I have NEVER been told that I shouldn’t write anything in the corner of the envelope, otherwise the stamp would obscure the destination address! Fuck you, random guy!

Chrystal and I went to Pho Extreme Xe Lua: #17 and #1 it was! SPECIAL! We talked about her nephews Ethan (4) and Ethan (1 and a bit), Ayler, Hiero, Beckett discovering new words and the door, Beckett being “smart” by banging his head on the hardwood floor to delay Harmony’s leaving for a school meeting, Beckett being really smart by putting all his molecule balls on the far windowsill so he can play with those and look at the reflected lights across the street at the same time (I left him to do that for a minute – he’s fine and preoccupied), my broken suitcase, my replacement suitcase, my upcoming trip, and her just doing family things at home this holiday season. Angus and Melia and Phil and Grace have their own families now, and it would be pretty huge to have a family gathering! I got home at 9:05 on a 407, which is pretty good for leaving at 8:30. (Chrystal bused home again!)

Pho Xe Lua # 17 with Chrystal as a pre-Xmas 2019 dinner: Steak, flank, tendon, tripe, and fatty flank!

Right after Halloween, I was ChristmasFlamHam in Shiwa’s Discord server!

From Tommy Chong: What’s Your Stoner Elf Name? Mine is Smokey Jingletokes! Mike would be Buddy Evergreens! My ex-friend Jimmy would be Danky Sparklepipe!

Borked Heys suitcase which came with a busted zipper and an almost-impossible push handle…

Successfully packed replacement carry-on American Tourister suitcase with enough room for ALL my stuff, a working zipper, and a much simpler non-push handle! Way easier to maneuver on transit, too! My parents should have just lent me this one in the first place, then I wouldn’t have had to store the first one in a weird way so I wouldn’t have had to push the handle down every time I wanted to access it. *rolleyes*

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