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This is CRAZY LAND.

Master List of Stuff I Have Banned From This Apartment!

This is a master list of all the things I’ve banned from my life and apartment.

Powdered laundry detergent: Too many detergent clumps all over my black laundry!
PaperMate pens: The pens refuse to work half the time!
Michelina’s Appetito bowls: They spill in the microwave!
Western Family / Save-On Foods cheesecakes: They apparently have undergone an ingredient change and now taste like so much cardboard crap. Who DOESN’T put CHEESE in a CHEESECAKE?!
Delecta Bowls: They also spill in the microwave!
Nalgene-ish water bottles: They can develop a particular kind of smell… ew!
Seaweed packets: They start to absorb air after about two weeks, and can get sticky. I can still buy them, but I must eat them within two weeks!
Red Bull: I got sick the night after consuming ONE can of the stuff!
Minute Maid’s Simply Orange: I can’t open those stupid green lids!
Western Family Kleenex, Kotex, or Kleenex toilet paper: They’re not my style!
Sunrise soya milk: It clumped together, well before the expiry date!
Breyer’s Brownie Pie ice cream: No discernible brownie chunks!
Pad Thai from Boston Pizza: It makes you fart too much!
Cheddar and broccoli Bistro food: They taste “off” to me!
Round Table Pizza: The pizza is too salty, and they have shady East Indian drivers who give you an excuse about how the debit machine doesn’t work indoors sometimes.
Pringles cheddar cheese chips: They taste like cardboard!
Life barbecue chips: These also taste like cardboard!
Hamburger Helper without the meat: It’s just pasta and the flavoring / sour cream powders. Very salty, too!
Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner: I can’t open the lids!
YummyWeb’s Round Table Pizza: They have salty pizza and shady East Indian drivers! Then they gave me an excuse about how the debit machine doesn’t work sometimes indoors… causing me to have to carry my own pizza boxes to my door. That’s not how delivery works, even if they did carry it to the apartment building door! Sheesh! What if I had severe mobility issues, and THAT’S why I opted for delivery?
4L of Chapman’s ice cream: The lids are impossible to open!
Cheap store brand pens: They’re REALLY BAD and won’t write half the time!
Herbacin lip balm: The stick breaks off VERY easily!
Hunt’s Snack Packs: They’re hard to open!
JOY OF COOKING braised beef with egg noodles: They taste off, possibly because of the pearl onions!
Down Under Naturals shampoo and conditioner: They have apostrophe abuse in their blurbs, and the pump bottles squirt at weird angles!
Pringles chips in general: TOO MUCH SPILL RISK!
Expired juice in general: STOMACH PROBLEMS GALORE!
Simply Food mesquite BBQ chips from Shoppers Drug Mart: They’re way too salty!
ONE STEP hand sanitizer: I don’t like the putrid smell…
Spray-on sunscreen which isn’t white: It smells gross!
Quaker quick oats: The bowl EXPLODES when I microwave it!
Sunlight dish soap: It squirts out at random!
Pot pies which can’t be microwaved: Duh. Who has time to cook them conventionally in the oven?!
Genesis Juice: I can’t open the containers!
Rice in a can: No… just no! It’s too hard to open, anyway!
EnviroCascade toilet paper: It’s just thin enough to not totally rip! NO!
Bath & Body Works vanilla pistachio soap: I don’t like the scent as much as I thought I would!
Pure cranberry juice: It’s too dry for me!
Sea salt and malt vinegar chips: They’re way too salty! I actually assume that salt and vinegar chips will be the same…
NESticle / FCEUX / VirtuaNES / other NES emulators: Loud beeps, executing undefined orders, and freezing!
LUFIA RISE OF THE SINISTRALS: Too many puzzles!
Charmin Basic toilet paper: Not my style!
Soy milk in general: I’m sensitive to it now?!
Triple Lanolin lotion: It turns goopy only ten months before the expiry date!
PENNY PRESS giant word search books: Half the puzzles don’t appeal to me, rendering the book unusable! (Letterboxes, Placewords, License Plates, etc.)
Coconut water: The taste doesn’t appeal to me!
Straw mushrooms: They expire much faster than regular mushrooms!
Vanilla yogurt: It’s too sweet for me now!
Aussie shampoo and conditioner: One is too hard to open, and the other has a non-intuitive lid placement!
Papermate Ink Joy pens: They can’t write curves well!
Pancit Canton noodles: They have sticky sauce packets!
Côte d’Or chocolate bars: They’re not what I was expecting taste-wise!
Method Pure Naked body wash: It’s too thin and runny!
Yogurt body washes in general: They’re too runny!
Toothbrush holders and covers: They won’t fit the toothbrush! The ONLY suitable brand is GOODY!
No frozen desserts with modified milk ingredients: Not as good without the real cream!
Sautao noodles with XO sauce: The sauce package isn’t easily rippable!
Caramel and sea salt Lindt chocolate: It tastes weird!
Caramel in general: It’s too sweet!
Costco-size / Tostitos salsa: Not even the Canadian Tire jar opener can open these!
Instant Noodle King products: They’re too hard even when microwaved according to the directions!
Shipping tape: It’s terrible for my skin purposes!
Blistex lip balm: It’s too dry for some reason!
Hot and Sour Beef Noodles with sauerkraut in them: DISGUSTING!
EKCO can openers: I can’t use them properly!
Hot and Spicy Sapporo Ichiban noodles: They’re not spicy enough for me!
Silk almond-coconut milk: This tastes overwhelmingly like coconut!
Gillette deodorant: I can’t open the inner packaging!
Fishermen’s Friends: They’re too sticky for being non-sucrose cough drops!
Cool Comfort Degree deodorant: They’re not good for my armpits, as I have to scratch them way more for some reason!
Superstore Exact brand conditioner: It’s too gloopy and doesn’t pour out very well on hair or down the drain!
Mr. Noodles kimchi noodle bowls: They give me a stomachache later!
Maggi noodles: The soup base isn’t what I’m used to!
Four Seas seaweed spicy noodles: The packages are hard to open, and the seaweed is too big!
Cans of whole bamboo shoots: They’re pretty bland!
Samlip dumplings: They fall apart way too easily when I cook them!
Whoppers and Milk Duds: They have too much air in them!
Almond Joys, Bounty bars, and assorted Russell Stover chocolates: TOO MUCH COCONUT!
Bibim Men noodles: The apple juice just lends them an odd flavor!
Mi Goreng noodles: They have sticky sauce packets!
Lever 2000 body wash: I can’t open it anymore!
Non-pump soap bottles: They get soap gunk on the bottles; I can always test the pump bottles in the store while choosing the items off the shelf!
Dill pickle / pepperoncini chips: They’re too sour for me now!
Ivory aloe body wash: It’s slightly irritating for five minutes, which is really not good for down there!
President’s Choice peanut butter chunk cookies from Shoppers or Superstore: They don’t even really taste like peanut butter!
R.W. Knudsen juice jars: How are people supposed to open those stupid lids?!
Softsoap body washes: They may irritate me down there, and I don’t want to take that chance!
JML Stew Beef noodles: They can give you diarrhea as you’re eating them!
Pot pies in general: They’re not filling at all like I thought they might be.
Kadoya sesame oil: Those bottles are difficult to open for me now!
La Molisana pasta sauce: I can’t even open the lids with the jar opener!
Welch’s prune juice: I can’t open the lid without the help of the jar opener!
Katsuo Udon cup noodles: They make me feel very weird and almost sick!
O’Tasty dumplings: They fall apart way too easily when I cook them!
Myojo Udon noodles: The soup base isn’t powdery, but instead sticks to its package!
Indomie Mi Goreng noodles: They have sticky sauce packets!
Aroi curry noodles: They can make you shart, and give you diarrhea!

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