Melanie, liquor as candy, robot voices, one-cent sales, morbid birthday card

I booked a doctor appointment on Thursday at 2 for a Pap Smear since Dr. Ruby had recommended one. Yikes!

My ex-friend Melanie:

Here’s some liquor labelled as candy!

I’ll just wait for the bus… screw it! I don’t want to wait forever, so I’ll walk! DAMMIT, THERE GOES THE BUS I WAS WAITING FOR!

I’ve never wanted cheap Chinese merchandise this badly… “You are my love, my angle. Don’t treat me like potato. You talk like angel, walk like model, but your body look like buffalo. You strong like Rambo, look like hero, but your brain just like potato.”

When I see incorrect spelling in a Facebook post, I feel compelled to use the correctly spelled word in my comment. I’m helpful like that. I also CAPITALIZE the word for EMPHASIS.

I was going to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.

As a kid, I used to talk into the fan to hear my robot voice.

Never get into an argument with someone who types faster than you.

I want this morbid birthday card! “You’re one year closer to finding out if there really is a God and heaven and angels and shit, or if worms are going to slowly eat your decomposing ass while you rot in a box. Yeesh. Good luck with that. Happy birthday.”

That one cent for that Walmart sale is really going to make or break your monthly budget, and if you can’t afford the one penny, WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHOPPING?! STAY HOME!

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss

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