Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Wigs, final decisions, FATTY HI, soy sauce, Yaohan, last things, lying, emotions

Last night’s dinner was okay, but it was also kind of bittersweet since I knew it would be the last time ever I’d have dinner with these formal and shallow people, which includes someone whom I still love. Mike dropped by at 7, and he tried brushing my wig here while saying that he shouldn’t have bought a curled one at Ritzy two months ago on October 30. He asked whether I wanted to sign Richard’s birthday card by saying, “You can sign this if you want. Wait, you haven’t actually signed one of these before, have you?” YOU DON’T THINK I CAN PROPERLY SIGN A BIRTHDAY CARD FOR YOUR DAD?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Then he tried blaming stress, working, waiting 1.5 hours for the police to show up the night before because the burglar alarm was turned on at Lynn’s, his “somewhat unpredictable” schedule, poor business decisions because he was still sick, and more. At least he said that the business decisions which cost him $200 or more were all his fault! He and I did see Richard, Ivy, Claire, Marek, Erica, Sarah, and Jeremy at dinner at FATTY HI in the Supermarket 2000 plaza. It was a crowded table, that was for sure! Later, Mike told me that we had to talk about a text message from Krista that he had received. All right, then. (it turned out to be an “are you okay?” message – HE HAS NO EMOTIONS MOST OF THE TIME! DON’T ASK HIM THAT!) We had chicken, numbing peppers, fish, potstickers, soup, noodles, red velvet birthday cake, and more while talking about Mike’s Hong Kong stalker / WORLD OF WARCRAFT / Downloadable Content / baby Madeline / birthday presents / pulled pork with mac and cheese / Marek hoping to quit smoking / e-cigarettes / nicotine / more stuff. I was only half-listening to the conversation, anyway, and got impatient when it was 9:30 or so. Apparently, we couldn’t go until Ivy said so. Well, if that’s your family’s system… at least we left ten minutes afterwards.

When dinner and present-opening was finally over, Mike and I went to Osaka Supermarket in Yaohan. We stayed in Lynn’s car for a while trying to discuss things (like the new wig being an investment) in a calm manner. He said he wasn’t trying to punish me when he said that Supermarket 2000 didn’t have Kimlan brand soy sauce, but didn’t trust me anyway. Apparently, my telling everyone everything would have further cemented the breakup in his mind (that’s how I heal – by venting and writing and getting support!), and even just a “we’ve broken up” to cancel my plans at Jeremy’s tonight in an email chain of 15 people (not everyone wants to know the gritty details!) earned me a sigh and a dramatic reaction of “this has sabotaged me, and will take months (if ever) to recover from!” He wanted limited contact with people in “my circle” – FINE, THEN!

Awkwardness, embarrassment, and humiliation would be if I’d cheated on him, not your regular garden-variety breakup! He said that our status would change, whatever that means. I was thinking the same thing, but slightly differently as things won’t be the same. He’s not giving me an option to say that he has stuff to work on, but we’ll see. Then for some reason, he asked me what I was doing on New Year’s Eve since I’d cancelled plans. When I said “nothing,” he replied, “So you cancelled your plans, and didn’t make new ones?!” NOPE, AND IT’S OKAY! At least we finally got some soy sauce, which was luckily even on sale! When we got back here, I paid him back and he gave me change, then he finally left just as Vanessa was calling me to see how I was. I found out that the Canucks had won 3-1 over the Sharks, which at least was one good thing from the day.

Vanessa and I talked about no Cora’s breakfast today, her knowing Mike’s doctor Dr. Fritz (he had an affair with a patient and used to work at UBC Hospital), Jen M.’s health, the breakup, Mike, Krista making a mistake with Ryan, Krista probably not even listening to Mike even though they seem close, Jason, her puke-filled Ontario Christmas (not her), Jason’s Aunt Ruth, Jason’s Uncle Richard, the religious parents, the hamlet of Vanessa, Julia, the bed, Andrew M., and Jen. I told her that Mike had told Krista that Ryan was bad news for her, but she refused to listen to him. I guess that answers Vanessa’s question about whether Krista will even listen to Mike! We joked about pregnancy and vasectomies before she had to go to bed. A husband is not just a small part of your life; I agree with Jen on that one!

Then this morning, I woke up to an email from Mike which had been sent at 7:50 AM. We exchanged (difficult) emails for a while about his “discovery” that I’d told everyone a lot of detail about stuff (I NEEDED THE SUPPORT!), patching things up in private (impossible for him now), and other things before he decided that my “lying” was the last straw about yesterday. Naps do count as stuff to do, you know. He thinks that everything could have been worked out until that. Even if we did decide to carry on, things would definitely not be the same. He seems to remember me in the past as not lying to him since I had “no good reason to be afraid” (but naps ARE stuff to do – and I did have GOOD REASON since YOU GET ANGRY AND TURN INTO YOUR DAD!) and refusing to let him break up with me because I missed one of Claire’s parties, while I remembered him as way more patient and not being too stressed out. He wondered what happened to that version of me – well, I was afraid to tell him the truth, but he thought I had no good reason for it. Sometimes, yes!

Mike also thinks I had “gossiped on Facebook” while he had been crying and wondering if he’d done the right thing yesterday afternoon – NO, IT’S CALLED REACHING OUT FOR SUPPORT IN A HEALTHY WAY! Apparently, he’ll take a hard look at things after he finishes his own grieving process – he probably won’t, unfortunately. Then he said that we could have been starting the New Year together right now if it weren’t for all this. Well, stop blaming me for everything through guilt trips, then! At least I don’t have to deal with that anymore. Knowing him, he’d be very stressed and whatnot while packing. He says that he ran into difficult times, and he’s sorry for taking it out on me, but doesn’t think we have a future together since he’s unwilling to let us be seen in the same way as Krista and Ryan, who have a zombified relationship, according to him. So be it! I emailed Mandy and the small group about it, as well. (got some replies back, too)

Periodic Table!

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