Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Doctor Unheimlich, Wn-Wz (Wrathchild)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Wobby’s Lurgy
Cause: genetically-modified toothpaste
Symptoms: sudden aversion to bright light, drooling, slightly crossed eyes
Cure: psychiatry
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WolfPup76osis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: neck swelling, occasional metallic skin, dehydration
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WolfTeaPartyitis
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: leg numbness, low blood pressure, vague space alien bursting from stomach, bowel infrequency
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WonderDuck’s Disease
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: glowing aura, hypothermia, sweating, tongue forking
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WonderWomanHeroitis
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: metallic spots, vague bursts of flame, feather growth
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WondrousBeautyosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: mild knee pain, hand swelling, reflective shots
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WongJustinitis
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: sudden bursts of flame, electric shocks, extremely blotchy skin, seeing dead people
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Wood_Dragon’s Lurgy
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: talking like a pirate, mild lust, extremely pointy ears
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Wordscraper’s Lurgy
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: death, anxiety, glowing in the dark
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WordsWithFriends’ Disorder
Cause: lack of junk food
Symptoms: breathing difficulties, bushy eyebrows, gastrointestinal bleeding
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
World’s Disease
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: headaches, rapid heartbeat, howling at the moon
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WorthlessUnited’s Disease
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: dancing, glimpses of underlying reality, speaking in tongues
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WraithOfHell’s Disease
Cause: overconsumption of tea
Symptoms: frequent sparks, knee swelling, squeaky voice, lockjaw
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WrathChild’s Disorder
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: sudden toe pain, excessive tufts of hair, sweating
Cure: take a dozen anti-depressants every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Writer’s_Blockitis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: hand numbness, imperceptibly bushy eyebrows, neck lengthening, drooling
Cure: take two ibuprofen and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Writer’sBlock’s Disorder
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: water retention, revolving neck, premature greying
Cure: smoke two cigarettes before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WriterGrlitis
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: extreme toe pain, squawking, pointy ears
Cure: take two aspirin every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WTFOhNoesosis
Cause: genetically-modified alcohol
Symptoms: invisibility, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma, floating hair, occasional feverishness
Cure: take four purple crystals and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WTFOMG’s Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: premature greying, hallucinations, 80s haircut, coughing
Cure: take four vitamin C tablets with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WufeiDragon’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of toothpaste
Symptoms: mild headaches, watery eyes, drooping eyelids, watery eyes
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WunderAliceLand’s Disease
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: excess saliva, excessive bladder pain, slightly chapped lips
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Wurby’s Disorder
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: redness of nose, extremely dry eyes, extreme sparks, nausea
Cure: take a few sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WutsCooking’s Disease
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: spontaneous combustion, arm pain, extremely collapsed lungs, excessive brittle bones
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WXPlotterosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: terror, drooping eyelids, vague sarcasm, brittle bones
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WyattGwyon’s Disease
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: mild chest pain, occasional forgetfulness, vague feather growth, excessive rotten teeth
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Wyld_Dandelyonitis
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: gurgling, vague gullibility, humming
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
WyldKyss’ Disorder
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: blood in urine, chills, sudden fear of the number thirteen, slightly black hair
Cure: trepanning
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