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This is CRAZY LAND.

Doctor Unheimlich, Tr-Tz (TuckerFan)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tr1x0r’s Lurgy
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: mild ability to fly, vague loose teeth, colour blindness
Cure: take a few sprigs of belladonna every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TraeCrochetosis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: tongue forking, coughing up blood, excessive glimpses of underlying reality, mild fear of the number thirteen
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tragicamente’s Disorder
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: listlessness, colour blindness, hand swelling
Cure: take a hundred ibuprofen before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Traicion’s Disease
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: overeating, seizures, deafness, lust
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tranquil_Blameosis
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: tiredness, extremely bendy arms, going bump in the night, vague sore throat
Cure: take seven leeches and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TrashBag_Helmet’s Syndrome
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: terror, fingernail lengthening, acne
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TrashyTrix’s Disorder
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: knee pain, temporary invisibility, shouting, howling at the moon
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tremonius’ Disorder
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: skin whitening, feverishness, extreme gullibility, walking like an Egyptian
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Treoptik’s Lurgy
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: mild shoulder pain, mild liver pain, extremely black urine, automatic writing
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tribute_Mutant’s Lurgy
Cause: viral
Symptoms: constipation, lockjaw, occasional temperature sensitivity, blocked nose
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Triffids’ Syndrome
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: extreme anger, screaming, glowing aura, high temperature
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Triggurosis
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: high temperature, wrist swelling, spitting
Cure: eat more toothpaste
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tripping_Breezy’s Disorder
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extreme extra toes, sudden lumps, drooling
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Triptastic’s Disease
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: blue vomit, stiffness, excessive extra legs, extreme brittle bones
Cure: take one and a half spoons of cough medicine a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TriSlothosis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: occasional confusion, frequent leg numbness, revolving neck
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Trixie_Wabbititis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: vague panic attacks, glimpses of underlying reality, thirst for human blood
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Troll_Masterosis
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: blocked nose, hairy legs, extreme fear of drowning, grey skin
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Troll_Number_5’s Disorder
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: invisibility, aggression, punning
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TrollFishingitis
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: vague pustules, mild feather growth, blindness
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Trolllosis
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: mild bad poetry, extremely swollen lymph nodes, extra toes, hair loss
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TrollyMcTrollitis
Cause: lack of cheese
Symptoms: occasional photophobia, loose teeth, mild sore throat
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TropicLands’ Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: temporary invisibility, occasional hand tremors, hair loss
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TroubleAgain’s Disorder
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: neck lengthening, belching, going bump in the night, speaking in tongues
Cure: take two shots of morphine every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TroubleBoxosis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: vague delusions, feverishness, wing growth, glowing
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TroubleSumLoseritis
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: leg swelling, drooping eyelids, squawking, long hair
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Trouser_Minnowosis
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: redness of nose, mild second-degree burns, finger pain
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Trrill’s Disease
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: excessive dolphin noises, fear, crying, snoring
Cure: take a dozen spoons of cod liver oil every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tru_Mastamind’s Syndrome
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: loss of dress sense, occasional seizures, lust, levitation
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
True_Fascist’s Disorder
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: pustules, walking like an Egyptian, metallic skin, dilation of pupils
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Truna’s Disorder
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: mild froglike eyes, rapid heartbeat, forgetfulness, heartburn
Cure: take five ibuprofen before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TrustFundd’s Lurgy
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: coughing, sweating, bleeding gums
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TruthBag’s Lurgy
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: toe pain, redness of nose, delusions
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TryTragedyosis
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: foot swelling, sudden guilt, shoulder pain
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tsunamicideosis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: automatic writing, mild space alien bursting from stomach, being able to fire webs from wrists, punning
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ttangles’ Disorder
Cause: lack of toast
Symptoms: coughing up blood, dry eyes, abdominal swelling, dry rot
Cure: eat more bread
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TubaDiva’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: brain swelling, space alien bursting from stomach, frequent toe numbness, vague muscle atrophy
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TuckerFanitis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: excessive ectoplasm, darkening of urine, bursts of flame
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TuckerFan48’s Syndrome
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: mild arm pain, puce spots, rashes, steam whistling from ears
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tuicanis’ Disorder
Cause: lack of human flesh in diet
Symptoms: cockney accent, bowel incontinence, smiling
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TurboDog’s Lurgy
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: extreme murderous rage, fingernail lengthening, drooling
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TurdFergesonosis
Cause: improperly prepared chocolate
Symptoms: mildly cloudy urine, excessive loss of libido, vague hyperactivity
Cure: take a few leeches every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Turkeyphant’s Disorder
Cause: stress
Symptoms: ringing in the ears, fear of the number thirteen, squeaky voice
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Turkish_Popstaritis
Cause: lack of cola
Symptoms: blue ears, tongue forking, vague impotence, sudden bad poetry
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TurtlesLike_’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: mild mania, tooth lengthening, spitting
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Twenty21Oneitis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: swollen appendix, nice dreams, drooling
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Twid’s Lurgy
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: mild hydrophobia, Guy Fawking of the leg, hovering
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Twiigyitis
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: darkening of urine, mild feather growth, extreme tiredness, bowel infrequency
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Twilight_Nyx’s Syndrome
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: occasional paranoia, humming, beeping, blocked nose
Cure: smoke one and a half cigarettes and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Twilight_Omega’s Disorder
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: shrunken head, premature greying, sniffing, occasional hair loss
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TwilightInParisosis
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: tongue forking, sleepwalking, long hair
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TwilightsRainitis
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: turning into a giant monster, mild chi imbalance, swollen lymph nodes, tongue swelling
Cure: eat more fish
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TwirlyBird73’s Lurgy
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: extreme fear, steam whistling from ears, sore throat
Cure: take two paracetamol every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TwinStuffosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: hunger, buzzing noises, slightly excess saliva, occasional paralysis
Cure: eat more toothpaste
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Twon’s Lurgy
Cause: bad spam
Symptoms: tunnel vision, coughing, sweating, breathing difficulties
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TwoWayMirrrors’ Syndrome
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, mild fangs, chest hair growth, sudden indigestion
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TygerWingsosis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: frequent sparks, swollen lymph nodes, bad poetry, extremely enlarged liver
Cure: take two potions of extra healing before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TyrantLizard’s Disease
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: mildly dry eyes, cloudy urine, mildly swollen appendix, rapid heartbeat
Cure: acupuncture
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