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Doctor Unheimlich, T-Tg (TearfulGoodbyes)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tabitha’s Lurgy
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: hunger, nice dreams, face blurring when photographed, occasional pale skin
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tacit_Genderosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: howling at the moon, smell of brimstone, impotence, suicidal thoughts
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tadeudzitis
Cause: lack of cola
Symptoms: cloudy urine, extreme hair growth, absenteeism, excessive nose extension
Cure: take four ibuprofen every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TaintedPorkosis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: abdominal swelling, indigestion, frequent warts, excessive fear
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Talaitha’s Lurgy
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: acidic blood, dry rot, insomnia, wheezing
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TalkingHead’s Syndrome
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: bushy eyebrows, frequent constipation, extremely swollen lymph nodes, eyelid swelling
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TalkyTina’s Lurgy
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: dislike of modern architecture, narcolepsy, neck swelling, shivering
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tallon’s Lurgy
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: lack of reflection in mirrors, levitation, back pain
Cure: take a hundred vitamin C tablets and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TallyMattosis
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: frequent tallness, extremely puce hair, mild sarcasm, anger
Cure: take four paracetamol and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tansei01osis
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: floating hair, American accent, watery eyes, frequent bowel infrequency
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tansuitis
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: restlessness, vague rashes, beeping, excessive paranoia
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tanya_82’s Syndrome
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: vegetarianism, beige saliva, frequent horn growth on forehead
Cure: take seven placebo tablets every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tara_Knight’s Disorder
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: sparks, fangs, mildly orange saliva
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TaraL’s Syndrome
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: impotence, mild paranoia, frequent heartburn
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tarnished_Angelitis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: blurred vision, swollen appendix, black stools
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TartanShell’s Syndrome
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: cockney accent, grimacing, wing growth
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tarutar’s Syndrome
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: extremely rosy cheeks, sudden anxiety, frequent metallic skin
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tate206’s Lurgy
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: heartburn, stigmata, wrist swelling, sudden halo
Cure: eat more burgers
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tattz_2_Tatterz’s Disease
Cause: lack of fish in diet
Symptoms: excessive bowel incontinence, extreme tallness, blotchy skin
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Taxidermied’s Syndrome
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: heartburn, groin swelling, green saliva
Cure: eat more poison ivy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Taylor_Ceeitis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: frequent nosebleeds, excessive facial paralysis, extra toes
Cure: take four ibuprofen every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TBone’s Disease
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: neck swelling, necrosis, joint pain, turning into a wolf
Cure: take a hundred Viagra tablets every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TCGiant’s Disease
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: smell of brimstone, absenteeism, tooth loss
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tealsosis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: glowing aura, vague hand numbness, excess mucus
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TearfulGoodbyes’ Lurgy
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: grey vomit, hypochondria, nausea
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tebbyosis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: gurgling, constipation, mild tentacle growth
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TechnoButcheritis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: occasional feather growth, mild pimples, panic attacks
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TediousAndBrief’s Syndrome
Cause: overconsumption of toothpaste
Symptoms: hypothermia, hypothermia, occasional muscle atrophy, urine colour changes
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Teemus’ Disorder
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: impaired hearing, vague suicidal thoughts, enlarged liver and spleen, demoniacal visions
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TeeReksosis
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: bendy arms, inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, cranial bloating
Cure: take five Prozac tablets and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Teh_Indyosis
Cause: overconsumption of fish
Symptoms: tooth lengthening, vague hypochondria, excessive confusion, occasional spontaneous combustion
Cure: eat more water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TehFlipside’s Disorder
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: extreme loss of dress sense, abdominal swelling, mild metallic spots
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TehGreenFairy’s Lurgy
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: chest pain, occasional invisibility, hand swelling
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tehnomanitis
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: excessive elbow pain, colour blindness, excessive sore throat
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Temptalia’s Lurgy
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: euphoria, food cravings, excessive hair loss
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Temptress386itis
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: mild aggression, orange saliva, white stools
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TenSixths’ Disease
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: sudden redness of nose, excessive pimples, tooth lengthening
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TerminalDogmaosis
Cause: improperly prepared caffeine
Symptoms: ankle swelling, paralysis, tentacle growth, levitation
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TerraCinqueitis
Cause: improperly prepared honey
Symptoms: skin whitening, vegetarianism, tooth loss, mild delusions
Cure: take five sprigs of belladonna before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Tersorosis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: flashing eyes, coughing up blood, brittle bones
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Teruame’s Lurgy
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: dilation of pupils, extremely squeaky voice, electric shocks
Cure: drink one and a half glasses of water every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Testrifficitis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: redness of nose, sneezing, mild dolphin noises, tongue forking
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
TexasCatnip’s Disease
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: sneezing, moodiness, puncture wounds, stiffness
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Teza’s Lurgy
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: shouting, shoulder pain, flashing eyes, sudden bursts of flame
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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