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Doctor Unheimlich, Sp-Ss (Spocko23)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpaceFem’s Lurgy
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: ringing in the ears, sudden facial hair, vague hand tremors, speaking in tongues
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpaceFicosis
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: crossed eyes, vague lack of reflection in mirrors, sudden stigmata, frequent necrosis
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpaceFilleitis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: thirst for human blood, extremely dry skin, dancing
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpaceWolfCub’s Syndrome
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: dehydration, brain swelling, long hair, urine retention
Cure: eat more wax fruit
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpaceyKaceyitis
Cause: overconsumption of broccoli
Symptoms: excessive nausea, sudden warts, deafness
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpamHater’s Disease
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: vomiting blood, puncture wounds, 80s haircut
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spankies’ Syndrome
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: excessive panic attacks, foaming at the mouth, frequent sarcasm, grimacing
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Sparkle_Bint’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: extremely high blood-alcohol level, gurgling, French accent, lockjaw
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Sparkly_Queenitis
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: sudden necrosis, frequent bad poetry, muscle atrophy, paralysis
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Sparky2379’s Disorder
Cause: lack of absinthe in diet
Symptoms: peeling skin, blotchy skin, occasional heartburn
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Sparteyeosis
Cause: genetically-modified caffeine
Symptoms: foaming at the mouth, belching, mild diarrhoea
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpasticFireflyosis
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: tiredness, extremely bendy arms, going bump in the night, vague sore throat
Cure: take seven leeches and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpeakerssBlown’s Syndrome
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: brain swelling, froglike eyes, sneezing
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpeakTo_Meitis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: joint pain, occasional puncture wounds, mild urine colour changes
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpecialMonkeyosis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: revolving neck, hair growth, inability to pronounce letter ‘c’
Cure: take three Viagra tablets before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpeedingSlugosis
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: vague spontaneous combustion, talking like a pirate, smiling
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpeedyChi’s Disorder
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: frequent bowel movements, sudden tiredness, vague invisibility, loss of libido
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Sperfur’s Lurgy
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: leaning at 45 degrees, fingernail lengthening, tongue swelling, French accent
Cure: drink four pints of beer before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spero’s Disorder
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: mild blindness, tree-climbing, colour blindness
Cure: drink two glasses of water before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpiderLilyFairyosis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: gargling, hairy legs, absenteeism, face swelling
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpiderZhan’s Syndrome
Cause: bad bread
Symptoms: extreme blood in urine, sore throat, high blood pressure, excessive headaches
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spied_By_My_Eye’s Syndrome
Cause: bad bees
Symptoms: seizures, pyromania, moodiness
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpinPsychle’s Disorder
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: sparks, fangs, mildly orange saliva
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpinTheMoon’s Syndrome
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: clicking sounds, crying, excessive black eyes
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spiralling_Down’s Lurgy
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: high blood pressure, orange ears, arm numbness
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spitosis
Cause: lack of squirty cream in diet
Symptoms: excessive loss of dress sense, speaking in tongues, glimpses of underlying reality
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpitfireMK11’s Lurgy
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: hallucinations, tiredness, ability to fly, anger
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpitNDieitis
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, absenteeism, extreme ability to fly
Cure: drink a few pints of beer before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpockHelp’s Lurgy
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: occasional loss of libido, leaning at 45 degrees, slightly blocked nose
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spocko’s Disease
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: impaired vision, extreme fatigue, shoulder pain
Cure: take five Viagra tablets before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spocko23’s Lurgy
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, revolving neck
Cure: eat more bread
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SpoofyZoofosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, sudden necrosis, hearing voices, murderous rage
Cure: take one and a half purple crystals and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spoony36’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: mania, frequent blood in urine, extremely blotchy skin
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Spozosis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: leg numbness, excess mucus, sudden chest hair growth, peeling skin
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Springs’ Disorder
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: blue blood, French accent, blindness
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SqueakyWheel’s Lurgy
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: white hair, leg swelling, flushing
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Squealer’s Lurgy
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: extreme bone pain, crossed eyes, mild leg numbness
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SquiggleBrain’s Disorder
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: excessive hand tremors, sudden diarrhea, walking like an Egyptian
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Squiggly_76’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: vague flatulence, acne, hand swelling, collapsed lungs
Cure: drink four glasses of water every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SquirrelsAreRad’s Lurgy
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: sudden depression, bowel incontinence, glow-in-the-dark stools, purple vomit
Cure: take a hundred aspirin before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
SSJBento’s Disorder
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: mildly blurred vision, excessive tooth loss, abdominal pain
Cure: fire
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