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Doctor Unheimlich, Ph-Pn (PippinsMushroom)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PheadraBlaShyrk’s Syndrome
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: grey blotches, euphoria, hand swelling, sudden cannibalism
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PhilMonica’s Lurgy
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: feverishness, mild elbow pain, high blood pressure
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Phoenix’s Disorder
Cause: overconsumption of air
Symptoms: extreme death, extreme rotten teeth, extreme aversion to bright light, glowing eyes
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PhoenixXCore’s Disorder
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: mildly hairy legs, beige ears, forgetfulness
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pholph’s Disorder
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: extreme urine retention, facial paralysis, leg swelling
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Phuthmanosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: extreme dehydration, crossed eyes, extreme death
Cure: take a dozen aspirin before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PianoDude34’s Disorder
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: regurgitation, howling at the moon, extreme rotten teeth, mildly blotchy skin
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Picatso2004itis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: mild sore throat, sudden shoulder pain, extreme bad poetry
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pickadillyosis
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: breast pain, vague froglike eyes, 80s haircut, sudden Hitler mustache
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pickled_Sanity’s Disorder
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: euphoria, hair growth, bushy eyebrows
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PickmansRaven’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: facial hair, occasional murderous rage, groin swelling, gargling
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pierre’s Syndrome
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: coughing up blood, vague dizziness, excessive nosebleeds, muscle spasms
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PigeonFarmosis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: cloudy urine, collapsed lungs, French accent
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PikaKyosei’s Syndrome
Cause: improperly prepared water
Symptoms: hissing, occasional rotten teeth, dehydration, mildly enlarged liver and spleen
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PileOfGrass’ Disorder
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: occasional guilt, ankle swelling, food cravings
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pilotesseosis
Cause: lack of civet cats in diet
Symptoms: bowel incontinence, revolving neck, mild tongue retraction, nose extension
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pimpin_Pleather’s Syndrome
Cause: bad wax fruit
Symptoms: wheezing, mild drowsiness, dry eyes, slightly hairy legs
Cure: drink a few pints of beer every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pimsky’s Disease
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: tufts of hair, slightly orange spots, sudden elbow pain, polka-dot stools
Cure: smoke a dozen cigarettes and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pinch_Of_Hopeosis
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: vague sparks, extreme space alien bursting from stomach, pimples, excessive impotence
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PineappleFields4Evrosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: belching, mild hallucinations, ringing in the ears
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pink_Crystals’ Syndrome
Cause: bad junk food
Symptoms: being able to fire webs from wrists, slight temporary invisibility, squawking
Cure: take a hundred Prozac tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PinkFloyd63’s Syndrome
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: fear of drowning, foot numbness, back pain
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PinkGingham_19itis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: chest hair growth, frequent chest hair growth, sarcasm, beeping
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PinkLipStain10’s Disorder
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: mild vertigo, hunger, itching, going bump in the night
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PinkNBlack21’s Syndrome
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: occasional iris colour-changes, hand swelling, being able to fire webs from wrists
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PinkNebulaosis
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: pyromania, sudden iris colour-changes, extremely low blood pressure, muscle spasms
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PinkSox4Men’s Disease
Cause: genetically-modified human flesh
Symptoms: grimacing, extreme glimpses of underlying reality, vegetarianism, talking like a pirate
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PipiMadchen’s Syndrome
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: arm pain, fear of the number thirteen, eyelid swelling
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PippinsMushroom’s Disease
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: collapsed lungs, chi imbalance, mild lust
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pirate_Radio’s Syndrome
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: frequent feverishness, shivering, blood powdering
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pitamakan’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: wheezing, frequent hot flushes, turning to stone, vague redness of nose
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pixelicious’ Syndrome
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: flatulence, arm numbness, shoulder pain
Cure: take two anti-depressants a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PixieBitch’s Disorder
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: excessive halo, slightly enlarged liver, extremely dry skin
Cure: take four potions of extra healing every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PJAngel’s Lurgy
Cause: genetically-modified chicken
Symptoms: slight excess of money, long hair, drowsiness, shrunken head
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PlaceboEffect13osis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: fingernail lengthening, narcolepsy, turning to stone
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PlainJaneHasABrain’s Disease
Cause: lack of toothpaste in diet
Symptoms: tentacle growth, slightly high blood pressure, sweating, rosy cheeks
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PlanetGeorgeitis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extremely grey blotches, hypochondria, snoring, sudden hypothermia
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Plastic_Whore’s Disease
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: hyperactivity, skin lesions, long hair, ringing in the ears
Cure: smoke five cigarettes before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Plato4013’s Disorder
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: vague paranoia, impotence, vague American accent
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PleaseTuckMeInitis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: dehydration, bushy eyebrows, fingernail biting, low blood pressure
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PlebeianJay’s Syndrome
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: blocked nose, extreme metallic spots, occasional lumps, gargling
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Plushev’s Syndrome
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: shoulder pain, wrist swelling, dehydration
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Plyonsii’s Syndrome
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: terror, glowing aura, extremely black vomit, vomiting blood
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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