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This is CRAZY LAND.

Doctor Unheimlich, P-Pg (PennyLaneLisa)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
P1r4t3_k1nG’s Disorder
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: excessive seizures, grey spots, glowing eyes, extreme headaches
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PacificBeachBoy’s Lurgy
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: dry mouth, nausea, floating hair
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pacotelic’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: wheezing, frequent hot flushes, turning to stone, vague redness of nose
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pacsuama’s Syndrome
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: frequent death, impotence, mild sarcasm, extremely dry skin
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Padpedpladukitis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: hair loss, fingernail lengthening, neck lengthening, loose teeth
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PageTurner’s Syndrome
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: suicidal thoughts, sweating, hairy legs
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PaigeGirl’s Lurgy
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: slightly red blood, ectoplasm, watery eyes, colour blindness
Cure: take seven anti-depressants a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pale_Lilyosis
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: vague tentacle growth, squawking, neck swelling
Cure: take two purple crystals before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Palmer’s Lurgy
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: mild temporary invisibility, excessive metallic spots, occasional photophobia
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Palmer_Kun’s Lurgy
Cause: viral
Symptoms: winking, loose teeth, cloudy urine, confusion
Cure: drink three glasses of water every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pamela’s Disorder
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: skin lesions, extremely enlarged liver and spleen, darkening of urine
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PandoraBox82osis
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: talking like a pirate, constipation, ectoplasm, chest pain
Cure: take three pinches of snuff with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PanFriedaosis
Cause: lack of cheese
Symptoms: whitening of teeth, peeling skin, vague chills, turning into a wolf
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Panguar’s Disorder
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: dancing, chi imbalance, 80s haircut, mild flatulence
Cure: take a few shots of morphine with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Panthera_Pardus’ Disorder
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: sore throat, leg swelling, steam whistling from ears, glow-in-the-dark vomit
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PantsGolem’s Syndrome
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: sudden aversion to bright light, blotchy skin, beeping, tufts of hair
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PaperKingdomsitis
Cause: lack of human flesh
Symptoms: muscle atrophy, excess of money, sniffing
Cure: eat more civet cats
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PaperPrincess’ Lurgy
Cause: lack of beer
Symptoms: whistling, deafness, delusions, death
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Part_Troll’s Syndrome
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: puce urine, neck shortening, peeling skin
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Party_Robots’ Disease
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: blinking, high blood-alcohol level, vague deafness, whistling
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PartyTilDawn’s Lurgy
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: being able to fire webs from wrists, vomiting blood, drooping eyelids, groin swelling
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PatchSassyitis
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: Hitler mustache, occasional fatigue, cannibalism
Cure: smoke three cigarettes every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PatGund’s Lurgy
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: mild wrist pain, wheezing, leg pain, extra legs
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PathFinder78’s Lurgy
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: receding gums, neck shortening, finger pain, speaking in tongues
Cure: take seven leeches before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pathogen’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: rapid heartbeat, extreme brain shrinkage, leg swelling
Cure: drink four glasses of water a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PatienceKillsosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: mild inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, aversion to bright light, tallness, sudden back pain
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PatriciaMcitis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: clicking sounds, leg pain, blocked nose, mania
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Patrik’s Syndrome
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: stiffness, extremely blocked nose, sudden lumps
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PaulFlorez’s Syndrome
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: slightly purple blotches, mild puncture wounds, slightly crossed eyes, vague facial hair
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PBRTallBoy’s Lurgy
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: bruising, fear of drowning, extreme loose teeth, being able to fire webs from wrists
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PDX6’s Lurgy
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: extreme tunnel vision, smell of brimstone, brain swelling
Cure: take a dozen aspirin a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeaChick’s Syndrome
Cause: bad caffeine
Symptoms: excessive headaches, loss of dress sense, extreme knee pain
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeachyGloss’ Syndrome
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: dislike of modern architecture, hand swelling, vague tallness
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeachZilla507’s Syndrome
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: frequent stiffness, extreme memory loss, face blurring when photographed, flashing eyes
Cure: take four leeches with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeanutXPeanut’s Lurgy
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: dementia, enlarged liver, mildly crossed eyes, occasional restlessness
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pendraven’s Disease
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: extreme tentacle growth, excessive hydrophobia, embarrassing noises, frequent muscle atrophy
Cure: take four sprigs of belladonna a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PenguinEater’s Disease
Cause: stress
Symptoms: winking, mild facial hair, excessive electric shocks, blood powdering
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Penguins4Me’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: hunger, abdominal swelling, extremely high temperature
Cure: take one and a half spoons of cod liver oil before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PennyLaneLisa’s Disorder
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: joint pain, pimples, drowsiness
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pep_Peritis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: extreme spontaneous combustion, frequent fangs, imperceptibly green vomit
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PepperAndDigititis
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: ectoplasm, flushing, listlessness
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PerfumeSheep’s Lurgy
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extremely watery eyes, glowing aura, mild hair growth, muscle spasms
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Perhonen’s Disease
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: frequent stigmata, itching, coordination problems, excessive narcolepsy
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeriwinklePixieosis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: dehydration, mild knee pain, confusion
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Permissive’s Lurgy
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: absenteeism, fatigue, glowing in the dark
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Persephone767’s Disease
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: frequent rotten teeth, mildly yellow stools, arm pain
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PersonalityFlawitis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: muscle atrophy, excessive leg pain, urine colour changes, sudden joint pain
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Perspectivism’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: blood powdering, slightly swollen lymph nodes, green blood
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeruvianJew’s Disorder
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: watery eyes, vague hand tremors, fear
Cure: take a dozen ibuprofen with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pesha’s Disorder
Cause: improperly prepared human flesh
Symptoms: foot swelling, extreme skin lesions, high temperature
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PesosAndBeeritis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: turning into a wolf, sweating, sudden rapid heartbeat
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Pete_Diddy’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: excessive aggression, grey vomit, sudden delusions, pointy ears
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PeterCallowitis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: automatic writing, stripey irises, knee swelling
Cure: take one and a half placebo tablets and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
PezPunk’s Lurgy
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: whistling, leaning at 45 degrees, mildly high blood pressure, excess mucus
Cure: fresh air
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