Doctor Unheimlich, O-Om (Oligarchist)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with O’Daniel’s Syndrome
Cause:	mosquito bite
Symptoms:	flaccidity, ringing in the ears, occasional terror
Cure:	exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Occchik’s Disease
Cause:	bad beer
Symptoms:	shouting, forgetfulness, squawking
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OccipitalDruid’s Syndrome
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	grey saliva, toe numbness, extreme death
Cure:	take three aspirin with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Occuring’s Lurgy
Cause:	pollen
Symptoms:	vegetarianism, colour blindness, tooth loss, nightmares
Cure:	none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OctobeRust’s Disorder
Cause:	bee sting
Symptoms:	abdominal pain, excessive vestigial extra head, beeping, mildly enlarged liver and spleen
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Odaranosis
Cause:	stress
Symptoms:	tongue swelling, extremely enhanced vision, sudden chest pain, snoring
Cure:	don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Off’s Lurgy
Cause:	poor dental hygiene
Symptoms:	belching, collapsed lungs, dry rot, indigestion
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OfficialGaiman’s Syndrome
Cause:	genetically-modified alcohol
Symptoms:	vomiting, whitening of teeth, lockjaw, extremely cockney accent
Cure:	exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Offsprng588’s Disease
Cause:	old library books
Symptoms:	peeling skin, darkening of urine, excessive flaccidity
Cure:	acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Oh_C0mely’s Disorder
Cause:	dancing
Symptoms:	extremely crossed eyes, extreme water retention, frequent acidic blood, loose teeth
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Oh_No_Bad_Touch’s Syndrome
Cause:	viral
Symptoms:	wing growth, sweating, face swelling
Cure:	don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OhButItsShinyitis
Cause:	psychological
Symptoms:	abdominal swelling, howling at the moon, hair tangling
Cure:	take four vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Ohh_Rissa’s Lurgy
Cause:	poor dental hygiene
Symptoms:	vague anger, pale skin, headaches, mild American accent
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OhIRomeosis
Cause:	drug abuse
Symptoms:	nosebleeds, wheezing, inability to turn neck
Cure:	take a few sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OhLawdy’s Disease
Cause:	cursed amulet
Symptoms:	automatic writing, back pain, extremely high temperature, frequent tentacle growth
Cure:	sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OhNoTheyDidnt’s Syndrome
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	hair loss, vague aphasia, floating hair
Cure:	attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OhOneOhOne’s Syndrome
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	walking like an Egyptian, vague lumps, mild fear of drowning
Cure:	drink four cups of tea with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OhPaintBrushosis
Cause:	genetic mutation
Symptoms:	vague Hitler mustache, glowing, flashing eyes, suicidal thoughts
Cure:	prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OILoveUJameth’s Disease
Cause:	just one of those things
Symptoms:	screaming, buzzing noises, occasional deafness
Cure:	attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OKCupiditis
Cause:	allergy to coffee
Symptoms:	vague nosebleeds, excessive acne, mild levitation
Cure:	take three spoons of cough medicine with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OKnowsosis
Cause:	peer pressure
Symptoms:	speaking in tongues, dementia, déjà vu
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Old_Age‘s Syndrome
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	aversion to bright light, absenteeism, seeing dead people, excessive loss of weight
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Old_Girl’s Lurgy
Cause:	caught in hospitals
Symptoms:	chest hair growth, grey skin, excessive sore throat
Cure:	take a dozen placebo tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OlegPaschenko’s Syndrome
Cause:	lack of squirty cream in diet
Symptoms:	extreme nosebleeds, shouting, frequent loss of weight
Cure:	take a few Viagra tablets every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Oligarchist’s Disorder
Cause:	spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms:	drooping eyelids, drooping eyelids, occasional hives, rashes
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Ollieitis
Cause:	just one of those things
Symptoms:	frequent vestigial extra head, turning into a giant monster, slightly green skin
Cure:	wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Omake_Don’s Disorder
Cause:	allergy to sausages
Symptoms:	mild facial paralysis, blood powdering, extreme bone pain
Cure:	take one and a half purple crystals every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Omelas’ Disorder
Cause:	computer virus
Symptoms:	face blurring when photographed, fear of the number thirteen, pacing
Cure:	wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMFG_Harakiritis
Cause:	spread by rats
Symptoms:	foaming at the mouth, enhanced vision, bone pain, vague depression
Cure:	take three placebo tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMFG_I_R0x0ritis
Cause:	lack of sausages in diet
Symptoms:	high blood-alcohol level, glowing aura, frequent chills
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMFG_Its_Rachelitis
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	occasional tree-climbing, bruising, bowel infrequency
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMG_Iconz_’s Lurgy
Cause:	too much sleep
Symptoms:	loss of weight, excessive hot flushes, premature greying, vague Hitler mustache
Cure:	take two aspirin and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMGHi2Furries’ Disease
Cause:	early mornings
Symptoms:	excessive fear of drowning, anger, red skin
Cure:	Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OmGigiosis
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	headaches, going bump in the night, extreme bladder pain
Cure:	take two Viagra tablets and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMGSayHi2Trolls’ Lurgy
Cause:	improperly prepared celery
Symptoms:	turning to stone, restlessness, excessive hives, slight excess saliva
Cure:	take three leeches with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with OMGWTFPlz’s Disorder
Cause:	allergy to noodles
Symptoms:	chest pain, pimples, vague heartburn
Cure:	wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Omni_Sinrilusitis
Cause:	unknown
Symptoms:	mild rashes, blotchy skin, Guy Fawking of the leg
Cure:	trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Omstara’s Disease
Cause:	bee sting
Symptoms:	extremely enhanced vision, wheezing, winking, fear of the number thirteen
Cure:	acupuncture
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