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Doctor Unheimlich, O-Om (Oligarchist)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
O’Daniel’s Syndrome
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: flaccidity, ringing in the ears, occasional terror
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Occchik’s Disease
Cause: bad beer
Symptoms: shouting, forgetfulness, squawking
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OccipitalDruid’s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: grey saliva, toe numbness, extreme death
Cure: take three aspirin with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Occuring’s Lurgy
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: vegetarianism, colour blindness, tooth loss, nightmares
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OctobeRust’s Disorder
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: abdominal pain, excessive vestigial extra head, beeping, mildly enlarged liver and spleen
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Odaranosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: tongue swelling, extremely enhanced vision, sudden chest pain, snoring
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Off’s Lurgy
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: belching, collapsed lungs, dry rot, indigestion
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OfficialGaiman’s Syndrome
Cause: genetically-modified alcohol
Symptoms: vomiting, whitening of teeth, lockjaw, extremely cockney accent
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Offsprng588’s Disease
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: peeling skin, darkening of urine, excessive flaccidity
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Oh_C0mely’s Disorder
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: extremely crossed eyes, extreme water retention, frequent acidic blood, loose teeth
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Oh_No_Bad_Touch’s Syndrome
Cause: viral
Symptoms: wing growth, sweating, face swelling
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OhButItsShinyitis
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: abdominal swelling, howling at the moon, hair tangling
Cure: take four vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ohh_Rissa’s Lurgy
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: vague anger, pale skin, headaches, mild American accent
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OhIRomeosis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: nosebleeds, wheezing, inability to turn neck
Cure: take a few sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OhLawdy’s Disease
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: automatic writing, back pain, extremely high temperature, frequent tentacle growth
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OhNoTheyDidnt’s Syndrome
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: hair loss, vague aphasia, floating hair
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OhOneOhOne’s Syndrome
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: walking like an Egyptian, vague lumps, mild fear of drowning
Cure: drink four cups of tea with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OhPaintBrushosis
Cause: genetic mutation
Symptoms: vague Hitler mustache, glowing, flashing eyes, suicidal thoughts
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OILoveUJameth’s Disease
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: screaming, buzzing noises, occasional deafness
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OKCupiditis
Cause: allergy to coffee
Symptoms: vague nosebleeds, excessive acne, mild levitation
Cure: take three spoons of cough medicine with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OKnowsosis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: speaking in tongues, dementia, déjà vu
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Old_Age‘s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: aversion to bright light, absenteeism, seeing dead people, excessive loss of weight
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Old_Girl’s Lurgy
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: chest hair growth, grey skin, excessive sore throat
Cure: take a dozen placebo tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OlegPaschenko’s Syndrome
Cause: lack of squirty cream in diet
Symptoms: extreme nosebleeds, shouting, frequent loss of weight
Cure: take a few Viagra tablets every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Oligarchist’s Disorder
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: drooping eyelids, drooping eyelids, occasional hives, rashes
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Ollieitis
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: frequent vestigial extra head, turning into a giant monster, slightly green skin
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Omake_Don’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to sausages
Symptoms: mild facial paralysis, blood powdering, extreme bone pain
Cure: take one and a half purple crystals every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Omelas’ Disorder
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: face blurring when photographed, fear of the number thirteen, pacing
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMFG_Harakiritis
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: foaming at the mouth, enhanced vision, bone pain, vague depression
Cure: take three placebo tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMFG_I_R0x0ritis
Cause: lack of sausages in diet
Symptoms: high blood-alcohol level, glowing aura, frequent chills
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMFG_Its_Rachelitis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: occasional tree-climbing, bruising, bowel infrequency
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMG_Iconz_’s Lurgy
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: loss of weight, excessive hot flushes, premature greying, vague Hitler mustache
Cure: take two aspirin and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMGHi2Furries’ Disease
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: excessive fear of drowning, anger, red skin
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OmGigiosis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: headaches, going bump in the night, extreme bladder pain
Cure: take two Viagra tablets and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMGSayHi2Trolls’ Lurgy
Cause: improperly prepared celery
Symptoms: turning to stone, restlessness, excessive hives, slight excess saliva
Cure: take three leeches with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
OMGWTFPlz’s Disorder
Cause: allergy to noodles
Symptoms: chest pain, pimples, vague heartburn
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Omni_Sinrilusitis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: mild rashes, blotchy skin, Guy Fawking of the leg
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Omstara’s Disease
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: extremely enhanced vision, wheezing, winking, fear of the number thirteen
Cure: acupuncture
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