Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Doctor Unheimlich, Ki-Kz (Knullare)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KilcaHodgeosis
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: extreme forgetfulness, excessive horn growth on forehead, vague pyromania
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kilhestonitis
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: screaming, bladder pain, reflective shots
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kill_Queenosis
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: foot swelling, sudden guilt, shoulder pain
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KillCircuitBoys’ Disease
Cause: allergy to fish
Symptoms: smiling, hair tangling, tallness
Cure: eat more junk food
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KillHamsteritis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: acidic blood, hand numbness, diarrhea
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KillingWord’s Disorder
Cause: overconsumption of caffeine
Symptoms: metallic spots, glowing eyes, liver pain, excessive breast pain
Cure: drink three cups of tea every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KillMeLater’s Disease
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: occasional rapid heartbeat, watery eyes, grey skin
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Killographic’s Disorder
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: glowing, chapped lips, swollen lymph nodes, embarrassing noises
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kim_Jong_Il__’s Syndrome
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: bruising, phantom pregnancy, enlarged liver and spleen, collapsed lungs
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kimeraosis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: vague aversion to bright light, frequent 80s haircut, grey urine
Cure: drink more coffee
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kimmers_81’s Lurgy
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: revolving neck, hair tangling, frequent fangs
Cure: smoke three cigarettes with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kimya_Dawson_’s Disorder
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: metallic skin, frequent metallic spots, finger pain, automatic writing
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kindred_Katt’s Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: vague metallic spots, extremely chapped lips, extreme inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, dry mouth
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kinipela20’s Disease
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: cranial bloating, steam whistling from ears, extreme hunger, hearing voices
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kinkbotinator’s Lurgy
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: restlessness, dry mouth, mania
Cure: take four ibuprofen every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kinsmen’s Lurgy
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: occasional vertigo, vague hallucinations, fingernail lengthening
Cure: take four shots of morphine before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kiss_MyButt’s Disorder
Cause: lack of celery
Symptoms: glowing aura, extreme indigestion, beige urine, extremely impaired vision
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KitanaInfiniti’s Syndrome
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: extreme double-jointedness, extreme foot numbness, blurred vision
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kitarakitis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: occasional bursts of flame, excessive gills, extreme back pain
Cure: take a hundred sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KithPenDragonitis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: vestigial extra head, dizziness, bursts of flame
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KitKatKrisp’s Disease
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: blindness, turning to stone, occasional mania, pyromania
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kitten_Dreamosis
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: pyromania, shivering, frequent bowel movements, occasional stigmata
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KittenSpeaksitis
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: chapped lips, smell of brimstone, frequent chills, extreme blisters
Cure: take two Viagra tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KittieJenn’s Syndrome
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: extreme facial paralysis, 80s haircut, finger pain, sweating
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kitty_Freak_00’s Disorder
Cause: stress
Symptoms: sudden blood in urine, stripey spots, extreme skin lesions, sudden feather growth
Cure: take two spoons of cough medicine and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KittyBean’s Lurgy
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: hearing voices, vague extra toes, temperature sensitivity, peeling skin
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KiwiGuy’s Disease
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: toe pain, extreme headaches, forgetting what day it is
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KiwiRazziosis
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: iris colour-changes, hovering, muscle atrophy
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KKB’s Disease
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: glowing aura, blood in urine, extremely watery eyes
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KKOitis
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: euphoria, mildly blurred vision, breathing difficulties
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KL8N’s Disorder
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: thirst for human blood, extreme chest pain, blocked nose, turning into a wolf
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Klokwise’s Disease
Cause: bad chewing gum
Symptoms: water retention, mild hypochondria, shouting, fear of drowning
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KND79’s Disorder
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: mildly bendy arms, muscle atrophy, absenteeism, sudden iris colour-changes
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KnittedBerry’s Disorder
Cause: bad cheese
Symptoms: mildly squeaky voice, clicking sounds, laughing
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Knullare’s Disease
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: extreme fear of the number thirteen, extreme colour blindness, ringing in the ears, dilation of pupils
Cure: drink three glasses of water a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kobashi86’s Lurgy
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: confusion, being unable to close mouth, vomiting blood, rashes
Cure: take five pinches of snuff before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kobolditis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: excessive ectoplasm, sudden sore throat, smiling, blocked nose
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KodakSlutitis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: back pain, glowing in the dark, foot swelling, occasional sore throat
Cure: eat more air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KodyScott’s Lurgy
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: blotchy skin, vague tunnel vision, blood powdering, sudden gullibility
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kondemned_1989’s Disease
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: mild loose teeth, wing growth, mildly enlarged liver
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Konishi_Zen’s Lurgy
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: heartburn, squinting, excessive euphoria
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Korczyk’s Disorder
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extreme pustules, mild double-jointedness, long hair
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Korey’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: occasional arm numbness, extreme rashes, sleepwalking, seeing dead people
Cure: take four purple crystals every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KoroVamalChick’s Disease
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: grunting, hand tremors, headaches, excessive feather growth
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kos_Momos’ Syndrome
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: occasional gills, drooping eyelids, sudden rapid heartbeat, walking like a zombie
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Koyaaniisqatsitis
Cause: self-abuse
Symptoms: suicidal thoughts, vertigo, redness of nose, occasional elbow pain
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KozmicKris’ Lurgy
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, sudden facial hair, face swelling, paralysis
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kristi_Landis95’s Syndrome
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: hairy legs, high blood pressure, shouting
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KristinEllaosis
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: occasional halo, mild inability to pronounce letter ‘c’, squawking
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kristopher’s Lurgy
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: automatic writing, temperature sensitivity, red hair, loss of libido
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kryss_Labryn’s Lurgy
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: leaning at 45 degrees, forgetfulness, toe numbness, mild nausea
Cure: don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KShatriosis
Cause: stress
Symptoms: fingernail biting, pustules, slightly purple irises, flatulence
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KTM’s Disorder
Cause: lack of oranges
Symptoms: reflective shots, gargling, deafness
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KuiamaLynne’s Syndrome
Cause: improperly prepared chewing gum
Symptoms: panic attacks, hallucinations, hallucinations, inability to turn neck
Cure: take a dozen Prozac tablets with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kunzite1’s Disorder
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: temperature sensitivity, mild brain shrinkage, paranoia, dancing
Cure: drink four cups of tea every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kuraishikaku’s Disorder
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: mild back pain, talking like a pirate, cranial bloating, shrunken head
Cure: take four sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kvisgulat’s Disorder
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: darkening of urine, forgetting what day it is, vague tentacle growth
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KW34HD1’s Disorder
Cause: a blow to the head
Symptoms: excessive stiffness, howling at the moon, tiredness
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KwizBiz’s Disorder
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: hyperactivity, fangs, gastrointestinal bleeding
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KyleInAZitis
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: frequent gullibility, extreme hypochondria, darkening of urine, being able to fire webs from wrists
Cure: drink a hundred glasses of water and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
KymEllin’s Lurgy
Cause: mobile phone radiation
Symptoms: receding gums, mildly nice dreams, speaking in tongues
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Kyuuketsukirui’s Syndrome
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: vague tallness, frequent back pain, hypochondria, tongue retraction
Cure: take four anti-depressants every day before meals
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