Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Doctor Unheimlich, F-Fm (Flippenripple)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
F4t4ss’ Disease
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: sudden dislike of modern architecture, slightly enlarged liver and spleen, stigmata, vague black eyes
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fabala_Fae’s Disorder
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: halo, enhanced vision, elbow pain, mild lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Facebook’s Disease
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: breathing difficulties, brain swelling, froglike eyes
Cure: take three paracetamol every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Faded_Words’ Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: pale skin, wrist swelling, walking like an Egyptian, nose extension
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FaeryDust410’s Syndrome
Cause: overconsumption of chicken
Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, tooth lengthening, frequent bladder pain, seeing dead people
Cure: take three potions of extra healing a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Faggeth’s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: pacing, slightly grey skin, tooth lengthening
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FahrverGnugenosis
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: tree-climbing, wing growth, sudden anxiety, tongue forking
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FairyChatMom’s Syndrome
Cause: genetically-modified mushrooms
Symptoms: seeing dead people, frequent bowel movements, premature greying, ankle swelling
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FairyCircleosis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: frequent chest hair growth, flaccidity, sudden death, glow-in-the-dark blotches
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FairyGirl345’s Disease
Cause: lack of sausages in diet
Symptoms: polka-dot stools, nausea, bruising, occasional paranoia
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Falcon’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: blood powdering, inability to turn neck, frequent invisibility, red stools
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallconsMateosis
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: Hitler mustache, brain swelling, listlessness
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenAirmen’s Syndrome
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: whistling, sudden extra legs, headaches
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenAngel262’s Disease
Cause: viral
Symptoms: enlarged liver, dementia, crossed eyes
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenAngell77itis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: mania, dry skin, impotence, vague pimples
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallenBack’s Disease
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: bruising, fingernail biting, whistling, hissing
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Falling_Apple’s Disease
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: coordination problems, drooling, swearing, walking like an Egyptian
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallingForeverosis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: mild lumps, extreme urinary pain, heartburn
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FallingOutrightosis
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: occasional feather growth, breathing difficulties, heartburn, sudden lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FalseMirrorsosis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: clicking sounds, low blood pressure, dry skin
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FamilyJules’ Disease
Cause: lack of toothpaste
Symptoms: vague death, wrist swelling, hovering, dry skin
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FandomLancila’s Lurgy
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: grey skin, occasional hydrophobia, occasional incontinence, excessive metallic skin
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fanless’ Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: drooping eyelids, mild loss of weight, feather growth
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FantasyGoat’s Disease
Cause: allergy to wax fruit
Symptoms: mild regurgitation, hand swelling, eyelid swelling
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Far_East_Coast’s Lurgy
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: nose extension, ankle swelling, sniffing
Cure: take five purple crystals with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Farrahitis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: extreme tree-climbing, extreme bad poetry, lust, abdominal pain
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fat_Is_Grossosis
Cause: lack of chewing gum in diet
Symptoms: slightly yellow hair, tentacle growth, occasional loss of dress sense, excessive coordination problems
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FatAnaosis
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: urine retention, extremely enlarged liver and spleen, elbow pain, knee swelling
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fate_Envies_Us’ Syndrome
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: finger pain, blisters, ankle swelling
Cure: take three spoons of cod liver oil with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FatLoserBoy87’s Disorder
Cause: lack of fresh air
Symptoms: occasional knee pain, occasional narcolepsy, dry skin, wing growth
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fay’s Lurgy
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: thirst for human blood, mildly blurred vision, frequent delusions, swollen lymph nodes
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FDolarHyde13’s Syndrome
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: leg numbness, double-jointedness, fatigue, excessive wrist pain
Cure: take a few leeches a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
February_15’s Disorder
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: sudden pimples, sleepwalking, anxiety, vague stigmata
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FedUpRainbowKid’s Disease
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: appetite changes, gargling, chapped lips, excessive paranoia
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FeelingCouture’s Disease
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: vague hives, dancing, bladder pain
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FeezalSnot’s Disorder
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: mildly chapped lips, stiffness, mild reflective shots
Cure: take one and a half vitamin C tablets with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FeignedApathyitis
Cause: overconsumption of spam
Symptoms: eyelid swelling, lockjaw, narcolepsy
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Female_Anatomy’s Disease
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: hand swelling, neck lengthening, sudden bad poetry, excessive water retention
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FenellaEvangela’s Disease
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: seeing dead people, peeling skin, sudden guilt
Cure: take five leeches with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fenrisitis
Cause: genetically-modified human flesh
Symptoms: humming, mildly rosy cheeks, arm pain, brain swelling
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FergusMacFurkin’s Syndrome
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: hand tremors, extremely purple urine, hives, vague nausea
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FetusMart’s Syndrome
Cause: zombie attack
Symptoms: whitening of teeth, hand swelling, ringing in the ears, coughing
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Feynnosis
Cause: a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms: occasional French accent, drooling, chest pain, vague chi imbalance
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FHPlayette23’s Disorder
Cause: viral
Symptoms: belching, excessive fangs, extremely pointy ears, gullibility
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fianna’s Disorder
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: redness of nose, flashing eyes, vague levitation, enlarged liver
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FicBitchesosis
Cause: allergy to human flesh
Symptoms: bushy eyebrows, phantom pregnancy, vomiting
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fierraosis
Cause: lack of sausages
Symptoms: aggression, going bump in the night, talking like a pirate
Cure: eat more polystyrene
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FilteredThroughitis
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: imperceptibly white hair, sniffing, temperature sensitivity, déjà vu
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fin9901itis
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: occasional rotten teeth, pointy ears, frequent wrist pain
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FindingMyselfosis
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: stiffness, being able to fire webs from wrists, watery eyes, cranial bloating
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FinestDrops’ Disease
Cause: monkey bite
Symptoms: buzzing noises, mild iris colour-changes, smell of brimstone
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FingeringVagina’s Syndrome
Cause: natural sign of aging
Symptoms: gurgling, dry skin, turning into a giant monster
Cure: take three shots of morphine with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fionn’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: gurgling, temporary invisibility, laughing, joint pain
Cure: drink two glasses of water every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Firefly_Pinkosis
Cause: overconsumption of polystyrene
Symptoms: occasional bowel incontinence, hair tangling, pale skin
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FirstSlayerosis
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: whistling, joint pain, occasional elbow pain
Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FishBowl_Soul’s Disease
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: excessive abdominal pain, eyelid swelling, humming, aversion to bright light
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Fishy_Waterosis
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: lumps, squinting, glowing
Cure: take a dozen sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FlabbinAbbal’s Disorder
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: incontinence, occasional back pain, shrunken head
Cure: take a hundred spoons of cod liver oil with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flaming_Ryokorosis
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: extreme puncture wounds, sneezing, crying
Cure: take a dozen purple crystals with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flamsterette_X’s Lurgy
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: deafness, arm pain, vague tiredness
Cure: take a few anti-depressants a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flat_Eric’s Lurgy
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: sudden knee pain, tentacle growth, mildly enlarged liver, slightly dry skin
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flataitis
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: blindness, grunting, vomiting blood, flushing
Cure: drink three pints of beer a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flawless_Fusion’s Disorder
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: dolphin noises, Guy Fawking of the leg, humming
Cure: eat more burgers
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flense’s Disorder
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: whitening of teeth, mild liver pain, neck swelling, tongue forking
Cure: take three vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flippenripple’s Lurgy
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: occasional warts, occasional extra legs, extreme tree-climbing, howling at the moon
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FlounderManitis
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: bruising, insomnia, muscle spasms
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FluffyBunnyLove’s Syndrome
Cause: eating spicy food
Symptoms: sudden Hitler mustache, gurgling, excessive hallucinations
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FluffyDude’s Syndrome
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: hand numbness, hunger, sneezing
Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Flyp’s Syndrome
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: wheezing, extreme hyperactivity, hives
Cure: drink a dozen cups of tea with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
FMulder4’s Disorder
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: pyromania, sudden hypothermia, sleepwalking
Cure: sleep
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