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Doctor Unheimlich, De-Dh (Declared_Insane)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
De_Stijl_itis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: howling at the moon, rosy cheeks, excessive feather growth
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Dead_Letters’ Lurgy
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: stiffness, grey ears, howling at the moon
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Dead_Pink’s Lurgy
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: mild Guy Fawking of the leg, excessive tentacle growth, whitening of teeth, sudden sparks
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeadToFall_itis
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: whitening of teeth, slightly high blood pressure, nosebleeds, acidic blood
Cure: take two shots of morphine before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeadXStop’s Disorder
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: excessive sparks, humming, occasional back pain, frequent iris colour-changes
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeanCasLover’s Lurgy
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: crying, shouting, extreme tallness
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeanForAmerica’s Lurgy
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: vague blisters, blue vomit, mild constipation
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Dear___Somebody’s Syndrome
Cause: bad spam
Symptoms: temperature sensitivity, walking like an Egyptian, ability to fly, extra ribs
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Dearestosis
Cause: viral
Symptoms: blindness, watery eyes, impaired hearing, turning to stone
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeathBGothic’s Syndrome
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: impaired vision, brain shrinkage, sudden extra toes
Cure: prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeathWhispered’s Lurgy
Cause: peer pressure
Symptoms: vomiting blood, food cravings, mild inability to turn neck, excessive tooth loss
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeathWish_Daisy’s Disease
Cause: pollen
Symptoms: hissing, grunting, spitting, grimacing
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Decaying_Zombieosis
Cause: genetically-modified noodles
Symptoms: sudden feverishness, whitening of teeth, food cravings
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeccaSmooth’s Disease
Cause: bad air
Symptoms: bowel infrequency, mildly watery eyes, watery eyes, punning
Cure: psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Decknitionosis
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: crying, smell of brimstone, bowel infrequency, turning to stone
Cure: acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Declared_Insane’s Disease
Cause: too much sleep
Symptoms: frequent halo, impotence, spitting, excessive impotence
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DedBud’s Disorder
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: chills, enlarged liver and spleen, frequent ectoplasm, panic attacks
Cure: fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeeJTannerosis
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: pyromania, sudden iris colour-changes, extremely low blood pressure, muscle spasms
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeenieX’s Syndrome
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: hovering, frequent bowel movements, extreme pale skin, mild memory loss
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeepStorm’s Syndrome
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: vague flatulence, frequent dementia, turning into a giant monster, vague pimples
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Default_Hellitis
Cause: improperly prepared beer
Symptoms: nosebleeds, bulging eyes, excessive bladder pain, leg numbness
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DefectedTragedyitis
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: high temperature, mildly black blotches, drooping eyelids, frequent blindness
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Defenestration’s Lurgy
Cause: sporting injury
Symptoms: levitation, gastrointestinal bleeding, leaning at 45 degrees, phantom pregnancy
Cure: drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Deformed_Foetusosis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: swollen lymph nodes, shivering, bushy eyebrows
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Deicticitis
Cause: cursed Japanese video
Symptoms: frequent bone pain, mild urine retention, excessive dolphin noises
Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Deificarosis
Cause: improperly prepared noodles
Symptoms: froglike eyes, loss of dress sense, gurgling
Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Deine_Liebe’s Syndrome
Cause: old library books
Symptoms: slightly chapped lips, nice dreams, seeing dead people
Cure: fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Delaraosis
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: hand numbness, extremely collapsed lungs, sudden stiffness
Cure: take seven pinches of snuff every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DeliciousBrains’ Lurgy
Cause: smoking
Symptoms: laughing, horn growth on forehead, embarrassing noises, inability to pronounce letter ‘c’
Cure: take two spoons of cough medicine every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Deloused_Rawkerosis
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: hair growth, whistling, finger pain, wing growth
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Demarafis’ Lurgy
Cause: exposure to radiation
Symptoms: paranoia, tooth lengthening, occasional indigestion, foot swelling
Cure: bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Demure’s Lurgy
Cause: bee sting
Symptoms: frequent shrunken head, sweating, frequent toe pain, grunting
Cure: take a few vitamin C tablets and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Den_Lace’s Lurgy
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: loss of weight, sarcasm, occasional reflective shots
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Denied_Iconsosis
Cause: just one of those things
Symptoms: vague blisters, bruising, mild lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DenimBlues’ Lurgy
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: vague electric shocks, excessive loose teeth, going bump in the night
Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DenverBearCubitis
Cause: spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms: being able to fire webs from wrists, mild chest pain, extreme fear, extra legs
Cure: electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DenyTheThree’s Lurgy
Cause: running too fast
Symptoms: tooth lengthening, vague double-jointedness, mild aggression
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Depine1Pssets’ Disorder
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: occasional diarrhea, murderous rage, drooping eyelids, hand swelling
Cure: eat more burgers
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Derangement8’s Syndrome
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: excessive chills, sudden impotence, neck shortening
Cure: exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Derisiorosis
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: nosebleeds, wheezing, inability to turn neck
Cure: take a few sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DesertSonataitis
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: rapid heartbeat, mild leg pain, itching
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Deserves’ Disease
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: dislike of modern architecture, brain swelling, crossed eyes
Cure: expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DessertPoutine’s Disease
Cause: dancing
Symptoms: walking like a zombie, dry eyes, collapsed lungs, blinking
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Det_Munch’s Disease
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: cranial bloating, steam whistling from ears, extreme hunger, hearing voices
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DethInWntrosis
Cause: thinking too hard
Symptoms: belching, black stools, sudden restlessness, arm pain
Cure: smoke four cigarettes and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Dev_Ilry’s Disorder
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: tiredness, shivering, occasional chest pain
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DevilBox’s Syndrome
Cause: excessive Internet usage
Symptoms: blotchy skin, bowel infrequency, talking like a pirate
Cure: Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DevilChick6769’s Disorder
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: narcolepsy, humming, vague forgetfulness, talking like a pirate
Cure: sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DevilishMuse’s Syndrome
Cause: lack of sleep
Symptoms: drooling, breathing difficulties, purple urine, frequent depression
Cure: click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Devils_Sidekickitis
Cause: genetically-modified chicken
Symptoms: blood powdering, hand swelling, 80s haircut, excessive fear
Cure: infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DevinLuvsRussiaosis
Cause: overconsumption of chewing gum
Symptoms: tongue forking, spitting, nose extension, swearing
Cure: take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DevJannz’s Syndrome
Cause: psychological
Symptoms: bladder pain, brain swelling, face blurring when photographed, coughing
Cure: trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Devolution_X’s Disease
Cause: influence of the Devil
Symptoms: dry skin, sudden necrosis, occasional rashes
Cure: take a few paracetamol every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DewLine’s Disease
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: tooth lengthening, diarrhea, vague bursts of flame, hydrophobia
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Dexosis
Cause: overwork
Symptoms: howling at the moon, drowsiness, fingernail lengthening
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DexKumelVitis
Cause: early mornings
Symptoms: aversion to bright light, overeating, neck lengthening
Cure: take two aspirin every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DFrancis’ Lurgy
Cause: unknown
Symptoms: extreme brain shrinkage, gargling, urine colour changes, breathing difficulties
Cure: none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DGTosis
Cause: watching too much television
Symptoms: loss of weight, blood in urine, hypochondria, acne
Cure: drink more cola
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
DharmaSatya’s Syndrome
Cause: secret military experiments
Symptoms: occasional leg pain, watery eyes, finger pain, occasional extra toes
Cure: drink more cola
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