Evil people and bodies – penultimate Monday with JACK BAUER!

Logan gets his recognition, and he’s grinning like the cat who swallowed the canary. Jason ruins the party by giving him the bad news about Pavel. (who is now dead, apparently) So, I guess Jack managed to kill him and escape before Jason arrived at the scene, all in the span of two minutes. Jack really is faster than a speeding bullet. Jason wanted Logan to “extricate” himself, but it’s too late for that. Jason warns Logan that Jack really went to town on Pavel, slicing him open and cutting him up like a piece of meat.

President Taylor and President-Select Hassan are finishing up the longest “wrapping up of a treaty” ever. President-Select Hassan is suspicious of how Logan got the Russians to stay, but she says she trusts Taylor. She also trusted her husband to remain faithful – look how that turned out. Logan gives Taylor some more advice – this time, he tries to convince her to toss the First Amendment out the window, and stop Reed’s newspaper from printing the story on national security grounds. Clearly, he didn’t read the Pentagon Papers case. You need WAY more than that if you want to justify a prior restraint. Anyway, Logan retreats to an area where he is much more experienced – being a manipulative snake. He reminds Taylor about her predicament, and tells her that she could face criminal charges for her cover-up. Taylor is sorry she ever listened to him, but what’s done is done.

Chloe and Arlo look at video footage of Pavel’s body (or what’s left of it), and Chloe still insists on helping Jack. They pull up Michael Madsen’s file and, wouldn’t you know it, he’s officially deceased. Aren’t they all? Madsen is concerned about hitting an ex-President, but that conflict only goes so far since he gives Jack the info he needs. Jack then tells Madsen he doesn’t plan on coming back from the dark place he’s about to go, and tells him to erase everything that could link him to Jack. Meanwhile, Kim and his granddaughter are waiting patiently in Los Angeles for him. So much for them.

Taylor talks to Tim Woods, and feeds him some BS about how Reed is about to publish false info that could result in a breach of national security. She wants Tim to seize Reed and detain her. Tim looks skeptical, but ultimately agrees. Reed calls into her editor, and they agree to meet. She tells him not to tell anyone, which of course means that he will. Logan and Minister Novakovich are talking, and Logan tries to reassure him that everything will be okay. Novakovich is seriously freaked out that Jack will come after him next, and he should be afraid… Very afraid.

But first, Jack has Logan in his sights. He starts firing at Logan’s limo, and Logan seriously freaks out. I’m talking that guy on the boat in The Usual Suspects when he realized Keyser Soze was after him. “He’s here! I know it’s him! I’m telling you, it’s Jack Bauer!” All they have to do is stay in the limo, since the windows are bulletproof. But Logan orders them out so that they can try and shoot him. That’s a dumb move, as Jack easily takes the Secret Service agents out, kicks a hole in the windshield, and drops a tear-gas grenade into the limo. Logan has to exit the vehicle, and Jack grabs him. Well, that was easy.

Jason and Eden are upset about how their time in the champagne room was interrupted. Jason is also a little upset about how Jack managed to make a few Secret Service agents look like mall cops. Jason takes his team into the underground tunnel in hot pursuit of Jack. Jack asks Logan why Pavel called him, and Logan is like “Uh – it must have been a wrong number. I get Russians calling me all the time, asking me if I’m happy with my satellite television service.” Jack applies some pressure, and Logan starts babbling like an idiot. He sings like a canary while blubbering for his life. That’s actually fairly inconsistent with their prior confrontation from Season 5. Back then, Logan stood up to Jack, and said he was a lot tougher than he seemed. Now, he’s a spineless jellyfish. I guess time really has mellowed him. Logan begs for his life, and Jack says he’s not going to kill him. He then puts Logan in a simple headlock, and Logan is out cold. Man, that headlock would give Roddy Piper’s sleeperhold a run for its money.

Chloe wants Cole released, but Eden gives her some flak. Chloe talks about how she wants him to run the UN detail, and that seems to placate Eden. Chloe also promised to let Eden dance to the song of her choice. Time to cue up Pour Some Sugar on Me and Panama. Reed is at a café, and she gets emotional watching footage of Hassan on the news. She then gets a call from her editor, who tells her that the FBI is already there, and they’re doing their best Gestapo impersonation. Reed high-tails out of the café and, well, she doesn’t know where she’s going to go. Chloe takes Cole out of holding, and gives him his marching orders. She tells him to find Madsen, and he’s down for some fun. Or maybe he’s bitterly disappointed that he’s been replaced by Pauly Shore (a far superior actor) for the next Scooby Doo movie.

Minister Novakovich is waiting to meet with President Suvarov, but he has another, more pressing appointment to tend to. Namely Jack, who arrives with his guns blazing. One of the bodyguards manages to sneak up on Jack and stab him, which shows that Jack isn’t thinking clearly. How could he let a scrub like that get the better of him? Chloe questions whether Cole needs an arsenal to go after Jack. Uh – Chloe, you do know who you’re dealing with, right? In fact, I think Cole was a little lightly armed to be heading towards a confrontation with Jack.

Kayla Hassan gets a call from Reed, and she spills the beans about the Russian conspiracy. Right after she gets off the phone, the FBI nabs her and gets the evidence. Woods tells Taylor that they have the data card, but I’m betting Reed hid the real one somewhere. Probably in a safe deposit box. Logan is on a stretcher again, and that’s a position he’s used to. Poor Logan. You almost feel sorry for the little guy. Logan tells Jason to warn Novakovich, but it looks like he’s a little late. Novakovich has been impaled by a poker. That’s right. He was poked by a poker. How poetic.

So who’s next on Jack’s hitlist? Please let it be Taylor! Maybe we can call in with our requests. Nope. It’s going to be Suvarov. Apparently, he was the one behind all the Russian shenanigans. Man, that guy tricked us all into thinking he was a nice guy. I guess he was much more devious than we ever gave him credit for. US diplomats should keep that in mind when they deal with Putin. Logan assures him that Novakovich didn’t give him up, but he doesn’t notice the micro-recorder Jack planted on him. Man, he fell for that trick again? As Bugs Bunny would say: “What a maroon…”


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