Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

OH SHIT, RENEE IS DEAD!

President Taylor gazes pensively outside the window of her office inside the United Nations building. Jack calls, and apologizes for failing. Luckily, Weiss isn’t in on the call, otherwise he would have started berating Jack and blaming him for the end of the world. Taylor tells Jack not to blame himself, and then tells him that the peace process is probably dead. You see, without Hassan, the hardliners take over. Apparently, the IRK vice-president is even more useless than Dan Quayle. Samir is alive, but an EMT gazes suspiciously at the camera once Cole is done talking to him. Luckily for him, only the cameraman sees him, and he doesn’t say anything. Man, that guy is really unreliable, isn’t he? Sure enough, Evil EMT Guy injects Samir with some stuff. Even the EMTs are full of moles. Renee and Jack look sad. Well, there’s one way they can cheer themselves up… Torture Samir when he regains consciousness. Man, they’re going to be upset about what happened with the EMT.

Jack says he’s done, and is going home. He shakes Cole’s hand, and tells him he’s a good agent. Just don’t expect an Emmy nomination, Freddie. The Russian ambassador is stirring up trouble, and tries to enlist the help of the IRK’s ambassador, the one who had been detained by Hassan earlier. The ambassador says he believes in Hassan’s vision, and is determined to see it through. How magnanimous of him. The Russian ambassador calls the Evil EMT Guy, and it looks like they are part of the plot. What a shock. Evil Russian EMT Guy is worried Renee recognized him because, apparently, he dealt with her when she was undercover all those years ago. They’re getting some mileage out of Russian Renee, aren’t they?

Jamot (the IRK ambassador – I looked it up) and Taylor try to convince Mrs. Hassan to take the reins of power. Let’s just say that she’s not jumping for joy at the new job offer. With so many people out of work, you’d think she’d show a little more gratitude, right? She eventually agrees to take her late husband’s place, and how soon until we find out that she was the one behind all of this? Hey, it beats running for election. Taylor’s homeland security aide, Woods, calls Chloe directly, and tells her Bubba is being relieved because of his overall incompetence. Woods offers Chloe command of CTU, and she resists. Ultimately, she takes the job, and I have a bad feeling about this. How soon until she clashes with Jack? Chloe goes to talk to Bubba, and he handles it well. Actually seems relieved. Wouldn’t you be? Finally! No more bumbling field agents that don’t know how to maintain a perimeter! Now he can chase his dream of being a shrimp fisherman.

Jack and Renee are back at his place, and she lets down her hair. You know, because her hair was getting tired. Renee starts off by telling Jack he’s off the hook for his promises to her. Jack doesn’t say anything, and just starts kissing her. He picks her up, and carries her to his bedroom. Smooth! And they’re done… Just kidding. How much respect would you have lost for Jack if that had happened? Evil Russian EMT Guy sets up shop across the street, and starts spying into Jack’s bedroom. So, he’s not just a murderer, he’s also a voyeur. Just keep your hands where we can see them, buddy.

The Russian ambassador meets with Taylor, and wants to know how they’ll continue with the peace process. Taylor says Mrs. Hassan will sign it in her husband’s stead. After all, her name is Hassan, too. If the signatory line just says Hassan, then they’re in business. The Russian ambassador is skeptical, and says he’ll pull out of the agreement. Once again, Taylor voices her suspicions about the ambassador, and says she’ll take it up with Suvarov himself. Hey! He’s still the president, after all! Taylor meets with Warden Norton, and she fills him in on the details. Taylor asks Warden Norton for help, and he recommends Charles Logan. Apparently, he still has close relations with the Russians. You know, even though he handed 20 canisters of nerve gas to a gang of Russian separatists that spoke with English accents so that they could detonate them in Moscow.

Bubba says his goodbye, and tells Chloe he should have listened to her all along. He wishes Chloe luck, and leaves. Cole then calls, and tells Chloe that Samir is going into cardiac arrest. Chloe immediately shows off her chops, and theorizes that someone at the scene must have drugged him. Cole acts like this is such a revolutionary concept. You know, like having more than two facial expressions. No sign of Jack and Renee. Not even on the split screen welcoming us back from commercial. Man, those two are taking their time, aren’t they? Mrs. Hassan tells Kayla that the party has decided to name her acting president, and Kayla isn’t happy about it. The vice-president is really getting shafted, isn’t he?

Logan is in the UN, and meets with Taylor in a conference room. Is it just me, or does it look like Charles has a black eye? Did Martha punch him out? Maybe it was Pierce? That would have been awesome! Anyway, Logan makes a snide comment about how the Russians appreciate him more than Americans do. He also makes some promises about how he’ll get the Russians to go along with the peace agreement, and insinuates that he’ll use any means necessary. They rehash some of Logan’s past transgressions, and he seems somewhat defiant before taking responsibility for his treasonous actions from Season 5. Not sure how to read this scene. Unlike his appearance in Season 6 where he seemed sincere, he seemed a little disingenuous this time. Who knows? Maybe he’ll come through. Either way, it’s good to see Greg Itzin back. He’s a hell of an actor.

Jack and Renee are engaging in pillow talk, and they seem happy. He seems out of breath, and even winces a bit when he gets out of bed. That’s right. Stab wounds, gunshots, and torture don’t bother him, but sex with Renee makes him weak? I guess we’ve found his kryptonite! Jack goes to get a drink, and Evil Russian EMT Guy sets up his rifle. Chloe calls Jack’s cell, and Renee picks up. She tells Renee about Samir, and she immediately puts two and two together. Before she can say any more, she gets shot, and I don’t know if I can handle this. Jack carries Renee out of his apartment, and waltzes by his window. Of course, Evil Russian EMT Guy can’t hit him. Jack puts Renee in a taxi, and they head to the hospital. Probably better than calling the EMTs. After all, they’re full of Russian moles.

They’re already at the hospital, so either Jack lived really close to one, or there was no traffic in Manhattan. At 9 in the morning. Jack wants to know what Chloe and Renee were talking about. Chloe starts to tell him about it, but the doctors come out of the emergency room. That can’t be good. Well, I’ll look on the bright side. Maybe they were able to remove the bullet and stop her bleeding in less than 2 minutes. Hey, if Jack can beat rush hour traffic in Manhattan in 3 minutes, anything’s possible, right? Silent clock. Noooo!!!!

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