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Dying of paper cuts / PATIENT ZERO and biological weaponry

Tonight’s episode of HOUSE was from the patient’s perspective… very interesting! It was something about heavy poisoning from metal – yikes! There were rats in his buddy Dave’s basement – the urine from there was infecting his liver, and causing it to shut down. (“You were dying of a paper cut!”)

In 24, Jack got naked and we saw his scars. “This is not a reaction, I’ve had these scars,” Jack said nonchalantly. Most of them were from the Chinese. Moss coordinated with Janis, and it seemed like he was set to invade Starkwood. Jon Voight was giddy like a schoolgirl at the sight of his new toy. Tony got beaten up, but refused to talk. Jon Voight decided to get involved and he channeled his inner Bud Kilmer. He offered Tony his life in exchange for information about what the FBI knows, but Tony didn’t want Jon’s life. Overweight Ron Livingston wanted to destroy the evidence while there was still time, but Jon Voight wasn’t hearing it. Olivia and President Taylor drew up a list of replacement Chiefs of Staff, and President Taylor offered it to her on a provisional basis. How long until she turns on her mother? Moss was now Jack’s best friend, apparently. He cleared Jack of any wrongdoing, and told the President that Starkwood was to blame. Meanwhile, Olivia looks VERY worried about this entire development. Hmmm…

Moss said that “Jack was right.” Moss actually seemed broken up about Jack’s condition as he told Renee. Of course, he was also a douche, as he chided her for not trusting him. Meanwhile, Renee looked completely devastated by the news and started to cry. Awww… Aaron is still in the White House, and Olivia called out to him. She wanted him to be her bodyguard, and Aaron was reluctant, at first. She talked him into it, though, and it looked like Aaron was back on the team. The president called a conference to see how deadly the bioweapon was. I must have misheard this part, but I think the pathogen is called the Yakov Virus. As in Smirnoff? I guess symptoms include dementia, dizziness, and irrational love for your adopted country.

More fun with Tony, as some Starkwood soldier who kind of looks like John Lynch tries to kill Tony. However, Overweight Ron Livingston grows a conscience and kills him before he can shoot Tony. ORL says he wanted immunity in exchange for telling the FBI where the weapons are. Is there anyone on this show who doesn’t have immunity at this point? We got the results of Jack’s blood work. Renee thought Jack was okay, and she looks relieved. But we find out that Jack had been infected, only the virus isn’t contagious. He’s Patient Zero now, and will probably live out his life as a guinea pig. Renee was sad and gets even more so when she sees Jack’s sexy scars. Chicks dig scars, after all. They’re getting some mileage out of that makeup job, aren’t they?

Tony and ORL were on the phone with the FBI, and, for some reason, Tony stood in front of the open window blinds. Why didn’t they draw the blinds first? President Taylor gave her go-ahead and it was time to raid Starkwood. She actually made her decision pretty quickly this time! Moss mobilized the troops and Jack wanted in on the fun. Jack said that they owe him this, and Moss seemed sympathetic. However, Moss refused and actually made a well-reasoned and perfectly legitimate argument about how Jack needed to stay back since they don’t know when he’ll start showing symptoms. Jack knew Moss was right and, finally, the two of them actually agreed on something. You know, other than the fact that Renee is a hottie.

Moss led the strike team to the Starkwood compound, and they landed without any resistance. They charged into the warehouse while Jon Voight seemed, surprisingly, calm about the prospect of his entire operation going up in smoke. That can only mean one thing… That’s right, the warehouse was empty! Looks like ORL played them all. Now the only question is whether he did this on his own so that he could get immunity, or if this was all orchestrated by Jon Voight. The FBI got surrounded by Starkwood’s private soldiers, and John Lynch was alive and well. Well, there’s our answer. Looks like ORL is much more loyal and Jon Voight was a whole lot smarter than we thought. Anyway, the FBI weren’t backing down, and neither were the Starkwood Soldiers. We have a Mexican standoff on our hands. Someone call Quentin Tarantino.

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