Epixome
This is CRAZY LAND.

Thank goodness for David! / A letter to the last commenter in my journal

High-scoring words of the night so far:

HORN (112 points) – against Guy M. [two 4W]
ZETA (104 points) – against Shelley R.-B. [4W, 2W]
LIST (82 points) – against Josephine S. [hook on AXION to make LA, SI, and TO]
AIVER (120 points) – against Steve L. [two 4W]

David picked me up, and off we went to various places around Richmond while discussing old school friends / Scott / Tara / Christine / hell / cats / Save-On / other things. Man, I am appalled at the appearance of SOME apartment / townhouse complexes! Some places reminded me of McNair, Palmer, my Chilliwack experience (SO MUCH MESS!), the projects / ghetto, and the time I spent delivering newspapers. He’s more optimistic than I am, which helps! We repaired to Quizno’s / Orange Julius for a bite to eat afterward. Bleh to misty rain! (my sister’s seen my “status” – OH NO, HAHA!) Saw the Citruso truck, too – HAHAHAHA! Just reminds me of that time going to Montana’s, and I *have* to tell Danielle! 😀

I got this from the latest posts page this afternoon:

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal).

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___, Your name

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue – Our romance is over
Red – Our affair is over
White – I’ll join the monastery
Black – I dislike you
Green – Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey – You’re a pervert
Yellow – I’m selling myself
Pink – Your nostrils are insulting
Brown – The Mafia wants you
No shirt – You’re a loser
Other – I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January – That night
February – Last year
March – When your dwarf bit me
April – When I tripped on sesame seeds
May – First of May
June – When you put cuffs on me
July – When I threw up
August – When I saw the shrunken head
September – When we skinny-dipped
October – When I quoted Santa
November – When your dog ran amok
December – When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos – In your apartment
Pizza – In your camping car
Pasta – Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers – Under the bus
Salad – As you ate enchilada
Chicken – In your closet
Kebab – With Paris Hilton
Fish – In women’s clothing
Sandwiches – At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna – At the mental hospital
Hot dog – Under a state of trance
None of the above – With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow – Hit on
Red – Insult
Black – Ignore
Blue – Knock out
Purple – Pour syrup on
White – Carve your initials into
Grey – Pull the clothes off
Brown – Put leeches on
Orange – Castrate
Pink – Pull the toupee off
Barefoot – Sit on
Other – Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black – My best friend
White – My father
Grey – Bill Clinton
Brown – My fart balloon
Purple – My mustard soufflé
Red – Donald Duck
Blue – My avocado plant
Yellow – My penpal in Ghana
Orange – My Kid Rock collection
Pink – Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None – My John F. Kennedy statue
Other – The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs – Man
O.C. – Emotional
One Tree Hill – Open
Heroes – Frostbitten
Lost – High
House – Scarred
Simpsons – Cowardly
The news – Mongolic
Idol – Masochistic
Family Guy – Senile
Top Model – Middle-class
None of the above – Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy – How awful I’ve felt
Sad – How boring you are
Bored – That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry – That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed – That we’re cousins
Excited – That there is no solution to this
Nervous – The Middle East
Worried – That your Volkswagen sucks
Apathetic – That I did a sex-change
Ashamed – That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly – That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyed – That I’m open
Other – That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White – Your ring
Yellow – Your love letters
Red – Your Darth Vader poster
Black – Your tame stone
Blue – The couch cushions
Green – The pictures from L.A.
Orange – Your false teeth
Brown – Your contact book
Grey – Our matching Snoopy bibs
Purple – Your old lottery coupons
Pink – The cut toenails
Other – Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B – Your photo
C/D – The oil stocks
E/F – Your neighbour Martin
G/H – My virginity
I/J – The results of your blood sample
K/L – Your left ear
M/N – Your suicide note
O/P – My common sense
Q/R – Your mom
S/T – Your collection of butterflies
U/V – Your criminal record
W/X – David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z – Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B – Always will remember
C/D – Never will forget
E/F – Always wanted to break
G/H – Never openly mocked
I/J – Always have felt dirty before
K/L – Will tell the authorities about
M/N – Told in my confession today about
O/P – Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R – Told my psychiatrist about
S/T – Get sick when I think of
U/V – Always will try to forget
W/X – Am better off without
Y/Z – Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water – Our friendship
Beer – Senility
Soft drink – A new life as a clone
Soda – The incarnation as an Eskimo
Milk – The apartment building
Wine – Cocaine abuse
Cider – A passionate interest for mice
Juice – Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water – Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate – Eggplant fetishism
Whisky – The Second World War
Other – The Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm regards
USA – Best regards
England – Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain – Go and drown yourself
China – Disgusting regards
Germany – With ease
Japan – Go burn
Greece – Your everlasting enemy
Australia – Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Fuck off now
France – In pain
Other – Greetings to your freaky family

Dear Missy:

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it when we skinny-dipped in your closet and I saw you ignore my avocado plant. I’m sure you’re senile enough to understand that your Volkswagen sucks. I’m returning your ring to you, but I’ll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked our friendship.
Greetings to your frog Leonard, Leslie.

HAHAHA. TOO FUNNY! 😀

No Responses to “Thank goodness for David! / A letter to the last commenter in my journal”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: