I’m not your past girlfriends, so be emotionally available!

Korey finally told me another reason why he’s been pushing me away. Seems that his last three relationships have involved a lot of hurt, especially since one of his girlfriends “sided with her family” and “killed their kid.” No wonder he thinks mine brainwashes ME! I guess he’s been keeping distant and not EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE because I “have to prove myself” by getting married. Now I understand certain comments that he’s made in the past – but I don’t want to be pressured. I know these are his honest feelings, and not everything is about ME… but really. He says he knows how to be emotionally available, and will be that way after marriage… I dunno. I kinda think that a relationship is a “proving ground” of sorts: if you can’t demonstrate certain things while you’re dating, how do I know you can do those things after marriage? (which is much more permanent!) He terms tonight’s dinner at Jeremy’s as “gallivanting around with my other boyfriend whom I can flirt with and dream about” (I admit J’s grin IS cool!), but really. I had to meet Jon later than I said so, heh. 😉

We’ve been dating almost thirteen months and things should (?) get serious, and I know he doesn’t understand why I’m “holding back.” Maybe it’s because I really don’t know what I want, or I want something he can’t give me, or…. I really have no idea. Perhaps it’s the past? [is glad Mom went to thrift shop] Also, he doesn’t think it’s cute when I try to smell him – it’s annoying, he says. I just want to be with him, is all… but not if he can’t be with me? Blah. Too confused!

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