Doctor Unheimlich, Gn-Gz (Grolby)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Go-Quiz’s Lurgy
Cause:	spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms:	extreme demoniacal visions, swollen appendix, hair growth
Cure:	acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoatQueen’s Lurgy
Cause:	drug abuse
Symptoms:	sudden Hitler mustache, neck swelling, occasional gullibility
Cure:	pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with God_Loves_Uglyy’s Disease
Cause:	genetic mutation
Symptoms:	vague hunger, revolving neck, heartburn, seizures
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoddessMalena’s Disease
Cause:	cursed Japanese video
Symptoms:	automatic writing, urinary pain, tooth lengthening
Cure:	take four purple crystals with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoddessWashu’s Disease
Cause:	unknown
Symptoms:	pacing, metallic skin, pyromania
Cure:	attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GodOfVanity’s Syndrome
Cause:	watching too much television
Symptoms:	neck shortening, blocked nose, slightly grey skin, extreme bursts of flame
Cure:	psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GodsStepsonitis
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	bleeding gums, occasional regurgitation, going bump in the night
Cure:	consume more alcohol
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoFinditis
Cause:	psychological
Symptoms:	hovering, jaw dislocation, coughing
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoFlo’s Lurgy
Cause:	lack of noodles in diet
Symptoms:	walking like an Egyptian, joint pain, mildly chapped lips, impaired hearing
Cure:	drink four cups of tea with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoldMourn’s Disease
Cause:	overwork
Symptoms:	excessive tufts of hair, -1 Strength, -2 Charisma, occasional jaw dislocation
Cure:	acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Goo’s Disorder
Cause:	running too fast
Symptoms:	drowsiness, sudden euphoria, red blood, hissing
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoodBoi’s Lurgy
Cause:	smoking
Symptoms:	grunting, extreme halo, extreme excess saliva, mild smell of brimstone
Cure:	acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Googleosis
Cause:	overwork
Symptoms:	pustules, vague swarms of bees, 80s haircut
Cure:	take two leeches and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gooti’s Lurgy
Cause:	unknown
Symptoms:	hissing, bushy eyebrows, face blurring when photographed, neck swelling
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gordon’s Lurgy
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	blurred vision, blocked nose, loss of dress sense
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Goremeister_666osis
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	low blood pressure, impaired hearing, hand swelling, loss of weight
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoThere’s Disorder
Cause:	unknown
Symptoms:	sudden hair loss, acne, cloudy urine, extreme paralysis
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gothic_Diaperitis
Cause:	spread by rats
Symptoms:	foaming at the mouth, enhanced vision, bone pain, vague depression
Cure:	take three placebo tablets every day for the rest of your life
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GothicImage’s Lurgy
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	vague tallness, urine colour changes, mild slow heartbeat
Cure:	infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GothMafiaosis
Cause:	poor dental hygiene
Symptoms:	wing growth, slightly hairy legs, pustules
Cure:	take seven anti-depressants a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GothicRainbow’s Syndrome
Cause:	mobile phone radiation
Symptoms:	mildly high temperature, extreme tree-climbing, excessive loss of dress sense
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gothtiqueitis
Cause:	the wrong type of snow
Symptoms:	aggression, grunting, sudden vegetarianism
Cure:	drink two cups of tea every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GoToQuiz’s Disorder
Cause:	pollen
Symptoms:	joint pain, vague smell of brimstone, hairy legs
Cure:	none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gozu’s Disorder
Cause:	genetic mutation
Symptoms:	face swelling, bushy eyebrows, extreme hot flushes
Cure:	drink four glasses of water with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Graaaze’s Disorder
Cause:	the wrong type of snow
Symptoms:	excessive hydrophobia, bendy arms, extreme dry rot, forgetting what day it is
Cure:	eat more noodles
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GrabbingSand’s Disease
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	imperceptibly blocked nose, glowing in the dark, euphoria
Cure:	exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grace_Insideosis
Cause:	old library books
Symptoms:	fear of drowning, brain swelling, cranial bloating, anger
Cure:	none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Graffiti_Sucksosis
Cause:	dancing
Symptoms:	extreme facial hair, mild hair growth, laughing
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grahameitis
Cause:	allergy to burgers
Symptoms:	frequent fear, slightly scaly skin, second-degree burns
Cure:	sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grammaireosis
Cause:	unknown
Symptoms:	rosy cheeks, hairy legs, extremely temporary invisibility, chest pain
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GrandTursimoitis
Cause:	sexually transmitted
Symptoms:	leg numbness, low blood pressure, vague space alien bursting from stomach, bowel infrequency
Cure:	don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grantingitis
Cause:	overwork
Symptoms:	nose extension, excessive bowel incontinence, sudden narcolepsy
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GrapeNutsRobot’s Lurgy
Cause:	sporting injury
Symptoms:	demoniacal visions, hand numbness, foot swelling, dry mouth
Cure:	infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GraphJamosis
Cause:	bee sting
Symptoms:	liver pain, beeping, impaired hearing, pointy ears
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Great_StoneFaceosis
Cause:	psychological
Symptoms:	sudden electric shocks, bone pain, impotence, pale skin
Cure:	drink more coffee
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GreatestJournal’s Syndrome
Cause:	genetically-modified broccoli
Symptoms:	death, breathing difficulties, dislike of modern architecture, memory loss
Cure:	exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Green_Carnation’s Lurgy
Cause:	poor dental hygiene
Symptoms:	sweating, foot swelling, shivering
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Green_NV’s Disorder
Cause:	self-abuse
Symptoms:	extreme blindness, sudden leg pain, bursts of flame, leg numbness
Cure:	cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GreenTMistitis
Cause:	old library books
Symptoms:	vestigial extra head, extremely blocked nose, being able to fire webs from wrists
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grendel40’s Lurgy
Cause:	falling over
Symptoms:	loose teeth, rosy cheeks, mild death, vague bad poetry
Cure:	take a hundred Viagra tablets before going to bed
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gres02’s Disorder
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	swearing, watery eyes, bruising
Cure:	take four shots of morphine and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grey-Fox-13osis
Cause:	overwork
Symptoms:	cloudy urine, collapsed lungs, French accent
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GreyParade’s Lurgy
Cause:	spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms:	tooth loss, sudden elbow pain, vague skin lesions
Cure:	take four aspirin a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GreySanity’s Disease
Cause:	early mornings
Symptoms:	dry eyes, finger pain, colour blindness
Cure:	take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GrndFlritis
Cause:	a blow to the head
Symptoms:	excess mucus, swollen appendix, leaning at 45 degrees, elbow pain
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grolby’s Disorder
Cause:	running too fast
Symptoms:	excessive loose teeth, mild suicidal thoughts, excessive space alien bursting from stomach
Cure:	none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GroovinMaHoovinosis
Cause:	viral
Symptoms:	darkening of urine, premature greying, extreme flaccidity, bladder pain
Cure:	trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GRRMitis
Cause:	bad noodles
Symptoms:	slow heartbeat, chi imbalance, forgetting what day it is
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Grump_Pea’s Disease
Cause:	old library books
Symptoms:	steam whistling from ears, gargling, depression
Cure:	pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GrumpiBear501itis
Cause:	poor hygiene
Symptoms:	lumps, breathing difficulties, low blood pressure
Cure:	sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GuestHouse’s Lurgy
Cause:	computer virus
Symptoms:	glowing aura, stripey spots, muscle spasms
Cure:	sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Guided_By_Voices’ Disease
Cause:	viral
Symptoms:	redness of nose, elbow pain, glowing aura, mild hypochondria
Cure:	cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Guinastasia’s Syndrome
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	frequent 80s haircut, extremely squeaky voice, green saliva, sarcasm
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gulsukat’s Syndrome
Cause:	the wrong type of snow
Symptoms:	extremely beige stools, extremely rosy cheeks, sudden rapid heartbeat, excess saliva
Cure:	wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GummyBearArmyosis
Cause:	zombie attack
Symptoms:	double-jointedness, tongue swelling, blinking, smiling
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GunLord’s Lurgy
Cause:	allergy to chocolate
Symptoms:	orange irises, vague hallucinations, belching
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GuoJennifer’s Disease
Cause:	mosquito bite
Symptoms:	anger, hair growth, buzzing noises, wing growth
Cure:	take four shots of morphine with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gurlfriend’s Disorder
Cause:	too much sleep
Symptoms:	anxiety, bad poetry, revolving neck
Cure:	drink three pints of beer and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GusMacRoyitis
Cause:	allergy to bees
Symptoms:	fear of the number thirteen, pale skin, flaccidity, restlessness
Cure:	don’t do it again
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gynocideitis
Cause:	the wrong type of snow
Symptoms:	belching, muscle spasms, occasional second-degree burns, receding gums
Cure:	prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gypsy_Dreamsitis
Cause:	spread by rats
Symptoms:	fingernail biting, excessive blisters, thirst for human blood, occasional skin lesions
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with GypsyDove’s Lurgy
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	liver pain, frequent tunnel vision, scaly skin
Cure:	sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Gzdyd’s Disorder
Cause:	overwork
Symptoms:	dolphin noises, sudden aversion to bright light, frequent bowel movements
Cure:	electroshock therapy
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