Doctor Unheimlich, F-Fm (Flippenripple)

Doctor Unheimlich’s Disease Registry

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with F4t4ss’ Disease
Cause:	pollen
Symptoms:	sudden dislike of modern architecture, slightly enlarged liver and spleen, stigmata, vague black eyes
Cure:	pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fabala_Fae’s Disorder
Cause:	smoking
Symptoms:	halo, enhanced vision, elbow pain, mild lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure:	none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Facebook’s Disease
Cause:	psychological
Symptoms:	breathing difficulties, brain swelling, froglike eyes
Cure:	take three paracetamol every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Faded_Words’ Syndrome
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	pale skin, wrist swelling, walking like an Egyptian, nose extension
Cure:	psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FaeryDust410’s Syndrome
Cause:	overconsumption of chicken
Symptoms:	steam whistling from ears, tooth lengthening, frequent bladder pain, seeing dead people
Cure:	take three potions of extra healing a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Faggeth’s Syndrome
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	pacing, slightly grey skin, tooth lengthening
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FahrverGnugenosis
Cause:	pollen
Symptoms:	tree-climbing, wing growth, sudden anxiety, tongue forking
Cure:	exercise
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FairyChatMom’s Syndrome
Cause:	genetically-modified mushrooms
Symptoms:	seeing dead people, frequent bowel movements, premature greying, ankle swelling
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FairyCircleosis
Cause:	cursed Japanese video
Symptoms:	frequent chest hair growth, flaccidity, sudden death, glow-in-the-dark blotches
Cure:	pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FairyGirl345’s Disease
Cause:	lack of sausages in diet
Symptoms:	polka-dot stools, nausea, bruising, occasional paranoia
Cure:	Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Falcon’s Disorder
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	blood powdering, inability to turn neck, frequent invisibility, red stools
Cure:	psychiatry
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallconsMateosis
Cause:	monkey bite
Symptoms:	Hitler mustache, brain swelling, listlessness
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallenAirmen’s Syndrome
Cause:	too much sleep
Symptoms:	whistling, sudden extra legs, headaches
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallenAngel262’s Disease
Cause:	viral
Symptoms:	enlarged liver, dementia, crossed eyes
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallenAngell77itis
Cause:	cursed Japanese video
Symptoms:	mania, dry skin, impotence, vague pimples
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallenBack’s Disease
Cause:	poor hygiene
Symptoms:	bruising, fingernail biting, whistling, hissing
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Falling_Apple’s Disease
Cause:	secret military experiments
Symptoms:	coordination problems, drooling, swearing, walking like an Egyptian
Cure:	cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallingForeverosis
Cause:	influence of the Devil
Symptoms:	mild lumps, extreme urinary pain, heartburn
Cure:	paint a black cross on your front door and wait
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FallingOutrightosis
Cause:	zombie attack
Symptoms:	occasional feather growth, breathing difficulties, heartburn, sudden lack of reflection in mirrors
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FalseMirrorsosis
Cause:	cursed amulet
Symptoms:	clicking sounds, low blood pressure, dry skin
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FamilyJules’ Disease
Cause:	lack of toothpaste
Symptoms:	vague death, wrist swelling, hovering, dry skin
Cure:	Kryptonite
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FandomLancila’s Lurgy
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	grey skin, occasional hydrophobia, occasional incontinence, excessive metallic skin
Cure:	fire
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fanless’ Lurgy
Cause:	secret military experiments
Symptoms:	drooping eyelids, mild loss of weight, feather growth
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FantasyGoat’s Disease
Cause:	allergy to wax fruit
Symptoms:	mild regurgitation, hand swelling, eyelid swelling
Cure:	trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Far_East_Coast’s Lurgy
Cause:	running too fast
Symptoms:	nose extension, ankle swelling, sniffing
Cure:	take five purple crystals with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Farrahitis
Cause:	falling over
Symptoms:	extreme tree-climbing, extreme bad poetry, lust, abdominal pain
Cure:	infect someone else
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fat_Is_Grossosis
Cause:	lack of chewing gum in diet
Symptoms:	slightly yellow hair, tentacle growth, occasional loss of dress sense, excessive coordination problems
Cure:	trepanning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FatAnaosis
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	urine retention, extremely enlarged liver and spleen, elbow pain, knee swelling
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fate_Envies_Us’ Syndrome
Cause:	monkey bite
Symptoms:	finger pain, blisters, ankle swelling
Cure:	take three spoons of cod liver oil with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FatLoserBoy87’s Disorder
Cause:	lack of fresh air
Symptoms:	occasional knee pain, occasional narcolepsy, dry skin, wing growth
Cure:	electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fay’s Lurgy
Cause:	eating spicy food
Symptoms:	thirst for human blood, mildly blurred vision, frequent delusions, swollen lymph nodes
Cure:	drink lots of water
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FDolarHyde13’s Syndrome
Cause:	cursed amulet
Symptoms:	leg numbness, double-jointedness, fatigue, excessive wrist pain
Cure:	take a few leeches a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with February_15’s Disorder
Cause:	overwork
Symptoms:	sudden pimples, sleepwalking, anxiety, vague stigmata
Cure:	take a day off work
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FedUpRainbowKid’s Disease
Cause:	excessive Internet usage
Symptoms:	appetite changes, gargling, chapped lips, excessive paranoia
Cure:	pass it on to someone else within seven days
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FeelingCouture’s Disease
Cause:	zombie attack
Symptoms:	vague hives, dancing, bladder pain
Cure:	acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FeezalSnot’s Disorder
Cause:	mosquito bite
Symptoms:	mildly chapped lips, stiffness, mild reflective shots
Cure:	take one and a half vitamin C tablets with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FeignedApathyitis
Cause:	overconsumption of spam
Symptoms:	eyelid swelling, lockjaw, narcolepsy
Cure:	acupuncture
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Female_Anatomy’s Disease
Cause:	eating spicy food
Symptoms:	hand swelling, neck lengthening, sudden bad poetry, excessive water retention
Cure:	electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FenellaEvangela’s Disease
Cause:	too much sleep
Symptoms:	seeing dead people, peeling skin, sudden guilt
Cure:	take five leeches with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fenrisitis
Cause:	genetically-modified human flesh
Symptoms:	humming, mildly rosy cheeks, arm pain, brain swelling
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FergusMacFurkin’s Syndrome
Cause:	early mornings
Symptoms:	hand tremors, extremely purple urine, hives, vague nausea
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FetusMart’s Syndrome
Cause:	zombie attack
Symptoms:	whitening of teeth, hand swelling, ringing in the ears, coughing
Cure:	cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Feynnosis
Cause:	a significant alignment of the stars
Symptoms:	occasional French accent, drooling, chest pain, vague chi imbalance
Cure:	cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FHPlayette23’s Disorder
Cause:	viral
Symptoms:	belching, excessive fangs, extremely pointy ears, gullibility
Cure:	attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fianna’s Disorder
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	redness of nose, flashing eyes, vague levitation, enlarged liver
Cure:	bleach
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FicBitchesosis
Cause:	allergy to human flesh
Symptoms:	bushy eyebrows, phantom pregnancy, vomiting
Cure:	attempt to repeat cause
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fierraosis
Cause:	lack of sausages
Symptoms:	aggression, going bump in the night, talking like a pirate
Cure:	eat more polystyrene
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FilteredThroughitis
Cause:	poor hygiene
Symptoms:	imperceptibly white hair, sniffing, temperature sensitivity, déjà vu
Cure:	cryogenic freezing until science catches up
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fin9901itis
Cause:	running too fast
Symptoms:	occasional rotten teeth, pointy ears, frequent wrist pain
Cure:	click heels together three times
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FindingMyselfosis
Cause:	influence of the Devil
Symptoms:	stiffness, being able to fire webs from wrists, watery eyes, cranial bloating
Cure:	electroshock therapy
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FinestDrops’ Disease
Cause:	monkey bite
Symptoms:	buzzing noises, mild iris colour-changes, smell of brimstone
Cure:	none
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FingeringVagina’s Syndrome
Cause:	natural sign of aging
Symptoms:	gurgling, dry skin, turning into a giant monster
Cure:	take three shots of morphine with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fionn’s Disease
Cause:	dancing
Symptoms:	gurgling, temporary invisibility, laughing, joint pain
Cure:	drink two glasses of water every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Firefly_Pinkosis
Cause:	overconsumption of polystyrene
Symptoms:	occasional bowel incontinence, hair tangling, pale skin
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FirstSlayerosis
Cause:	thinking too hard
Symptoms:	whistling, joint pain, occasional elbow pain
Cure:	take two spoons of cod liver oil and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FishBowl_Soul’s Disease
Cause:	spaceborne bacteria
Symptoms:	excessive abdominal pain, eyelid swelling, humming, aversion to bright light
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fishy_Waterosis
Cause:	poor dental hygiene
Symptoms:	lumps, squinting, glowing
Cure:	take a dozen sprigs of belladonna and come back in the morning
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FlabbinAbbal’s Disorder
Cause:	running too fast
Symptoms:	incontinence, occasional back pain, shrunken head
Cure:	take a hundred spoons of cod liver oil with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flaming_Ryokorosis
Cause:	mosquito bite
Symptoms:	extreme puncture wounds, sneezing, crying
Cure:	take a dozen purple crystals with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flamsterette_X’s Lurgy
Cause:	falling over
Symptoms:	deafness, arm pain, vague tiredness
Cure:	take a few anti-depressants a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flat_Eric’s Lurgy
Cause:	caught in hospitals
Symptoms:	sudden knee pain, tentacle growth, mildly enlarged liver, slightly dry skin
Cure:	wake up and realise it was all just a dream
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flataitis
Cause:	early mornings
Symptoms:	blindness, grunting, vomiting blood, flushing
Cure:	drink three pints of beer a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flawless_Fusion’s Disorder
Cause:	just one of those things
Symptoms:	dolphin noises, Guy Fawking of the leg, humming
Cure:	eat more burgers
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flense’s Disorder
Cause:	cursed amulet
Symptoms:	whitening of teeth, mild liver pain, neck swelling, tongue forking
Cure:	take three vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flippenripple’s Lurgy
Cause:	secret military experiments
Symptoms:	occasional warts, occasional extra legs, extreme tree-climbing, howling at the moon
Cure:	prayer
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FlounderManitis
Cause:	Egyptian curse
Symptoms:	bruising, insomnia, muscle spasms
Cure:	sleep
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FluffyBunnyLove’s Syndrome
Cause:	eating spicy food
Symptoms:	sudden Hitler mustache, gurgling, excessive hallucinations
Cure:	fresh air
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FluffyDude’s Syndrome
Cause:	influence of the Devil
Symptoms:	hand numbness, hunger, sneezing
Cure:	take two spoons of cod liver oil every day before meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Flyp’s Syndrome
Cause:	caught in hospitals
Symptoms:	wheezing, extreme hyperactivity, hives
Cure:	drink a dozen cups of tea with meals
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Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with FMulder4’s Disorder
Cause:	computer virus
Symptoms:	pyromania, sudden hypothermia, sleepwalking
Cure:	sleep
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